


Yang's Eternal Hotness

by GodSaveTheKings



Category: RWBY
Genre: Awkwardness, Bondage, Choking, Comedy, Corruption, Crack, Creampies, Cum Bathing, Cunnilingus, Dirty Thoughts, Everyone Is Gay, Exhibitionism, F/F, F/M, Face-Fucking, Facials, Foursome - F/F/F/F, Fucking, Futanari, Incest, Kissing, Lesbian Sex, Massage, Masturbation, Motorboating, Not Serious, Nudity, Orgy, Other, Parent/Child Incest, Parody, Partial Nudity, Porn With Plot, Scissoring, Sexual Content, Sexual Fantasy, Sexual Humor, Sexy dresses, Shower Sex, Sibling Incest, Sorry Not Sorry, Spanking, Stripping, Threesome - F/F/F, Transformation, Unhealthy Relationships, cum, excessive cum
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2020-08-19 18:57:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 63,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20214649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GodSaveTheKings/pseuds/GodSaveTheKings
Summary: While Team RWBY tries to reconcile with what they learned about Salem from the Relic, Yang makes an interesting observation about their greatest enemy, and her teammates may never be able to look at each other the same way again...





	1. Act I: Yang's Revelation

**Author's Note:**

> Hey. We were supposed to do some serious writing today, but instead, we did this for some reason. All we'll say is that we're sorry, and also, this should absolutely be canon. Please comment or review or whatever. Enjoy.

"No one wanted me." Qrow's voice trembled. Ozpin, or Oscar, or… whatever he was—he could only watch, seated against the tree after being struck by the one person he considered his closest ally. "I was cursed. I gave my life to you because you gave me a place in this world." Qrow's hands balled into fists. He was broken. "I thought I was finally doing some good."

Ozpin's eyes welled with tears. "But, you are," he pleaded, but his words went ignored.

"Meeting you was the worst luck of my life."

Ozpin felt a dagger through his Soul. After centuries of hiding the truth, doing everything he could to keep those he cared about safe from his own knowledge, he had failed. The woman in the lamp had revealed every dark secret, and now, they were all staring at him in the snow, judging him for his failures. A deep guilt overcame him. How could it not?

"Maybe you're right."

The boy's eyes glowed, and the man who possessed him retreated into the deepest corners of his mind. He winced as the sensation of Qrow's attack finally caught up to him, and Ruby tentatively approached him, kneeling by his side.

"What happened?" she asked worriedly.

"He's…" Oscar stuttered. "He's gone. It's like he locked himself deep inside my head."

Panic broke out.

"He's gone?" Weiss asked, clutching at her chest. "He can't be gone. We need him."

"What are we going to do?" Blake whispered fearfully.

Ruby tried to stay calm, but she found herself unable to do so. The world as she knew it was changed forever. Humanity had existed once before? The Gods had abandoned them? Ozpin and Salem, her greatest enemy, had ruled the world together, and worse, she was immortal? It was all too much to take in. In other times of duress, she was always able to keep a clear head. She always knew the right thing to do. Keep moving forward—it was a mantra that she followed religiously, a principle in life that ensured that no matter how terrible things became, how hopeless their future seemed, they would never give up their fight. But now, she wasn't so sure. They could not stop Salem, no matter how hard they tried. Their mentor and guide had retreated into Oscar's subconscious. They were separated from their closest friends, stuck in the snowy wilderness on a mission that would lead them nowhere. A dead silence fell over them as their bleak reality became ever clearer. It was pointless. Meaningless. All of it.

Then, hesitantly, Yang pursed her lips and spoke up. "So… is no one else going to say it?"

Weiss scoffed. "Say what?"

Yang shrugged as if it was obvious. "I mean, doesn't anyone else here think that Salem is... you know…"

"You know what?" Blake asked, confused. Yang crossed her arms, casting Blake a knowing glance as she spoke shamelessly. Whatever the Faunus girl was expecting her to say, it most certainly was not what came out.

"…kind of hot?"

Her teammates, Qrow, Oscar, the old woman with the skull cane—they all turned to her with stunned, blank expressions. At first, they thought they misheard her, but after noticing her demeanor, they very quickly realized that she was serious.

"What?" Ruby stammered.

"I mean, when we saw that vision in Mistral, I didn't really get a good look at her, so I couldn't tell," Yang explained casually, as if there was nothing particularly unordinary about her comment. "But, now that I've seen her super close up… she's kind of hot, right?"

Nobody responded; the sound of the wind was the only detectable noise in the forest. It was as if a trance had fallen over them. All they did was stare at her for what felt like an eternity, unable to process exactly what the hell she was talking about.

Finally, Ruby stammered again.

"What?"

"Oh, come on. She is!" Yang insisted. "She's got the blonde hair, and the fair skin, and that tight dress and…" A slight blush encroached on her cheeks, but she smirked as the memory came back to her. "Look, I don't know if you realized you could walk around during that vision, but if you looked at her from _behind,_ then—"

"Yang, you can't be serious!" Weiss gasped in disgust. "She's a genocidal maniac! She's trying to destroy the world."

"Those aren't mutually exclusive," Yang said defensively. "Like, _sure_ she's a plague on humanity and the embodiment of evil and all that… but she's still sexy as hell."

Blake growled at her. "I can't believe that's what you got from that vision," she said angrily. "We just learned that Salem is unstoppable and all of this has been for nothing, and all you can think about is how hot our main enemy is? What is wrong with you?"

"Look, these past few weeks have been really stressful, okay?" Yang snapped, placing her hands on her hips. "And, since I had to share that house with all of you, I haven't been able to do anything to, you know, _relieve _that stress like I normally would. So, I get distracted by these things."

Yang didn't see anything specifically wrong with saying that, even as Weiss and Blake were visually grossed out by it. Ruby, in particular, clasped her hands to her ears and whined, shutting her eyes tightly. "Ah! I don't need to hear about this!"

"Come on, Rubes. It's totally natural," Yang stated. "As if you haven't done it."

"To _Salem?" _Ruby was horrified.

"Not to her specifically. You know, just in general," Yang noted.

"No. I haven't!" Ruby said frantically. "And it's not natural when it's about my sister."

"You're joking me," Yang stated doubtingly. "You're really telling me that when we were watching that vision of the past, none of you _once _thought that Salem at least had really nice tits?"

"Nope nope nope _nope_," Ruby said incessantly. Yang rolled her eyes.

"What about you, Uncle Qrow?" She turned to the last person she felt she could rely upon for honesty. "When you were looking at Salem in that skin-tight dress, didn't you ever just want to grab onto those melons and just…" Yang pretended to grab two large orbs in front of her, and then leaned in and shook her head violently as if to motorboat them, slobbering as she did so. Qrow, perhaps still too much in a shocked stupor from realizing his entire life was meaningless, did not give an answer. Yang just assumed he meant yes.

Blake tensed up, covering her mouth with her palm to hide her embarrassment. Ruby continued ranting silently to herself, holding her ears tightly shut. The old woman simply watched with a curious tilt of her head, and Oscar didn't really understand what his young virgin eyes were looking at. He was especially confused when Yang began making loud slurping noises, lapping her tongue back and forth in the air.

Weiss shuddered, trying to resist gagging at the thought. "Yang, I cannot seriously believe you are saying that you would sleep with Salem."

Yang stopped her imaginary breast-ravaging long enough to answer. "What? It's not like I'm saying I'd sleep with her _now_. Like, as a Grimm-woman." However, her eyes narrowed, and she paused for a long moment, looking up at the sky as she contemplated it. "Okay, _actually_…"

"Oh my god!" Weiss said in shock. "I can't believe you!"

"What can I say? The woman ticks my boxes, even all Grimm-like and shit," Yang explained, holding up her hand as she rattled off the list on her fingers. "She's tall. She's domineering. She's thick in _all_ the right places, and to top it all off, she's a total MILF. I know she's crazy and dangerous, but you'd be lying if you said you said you wouldn't get on top of her."

"You… you are sick, Yang," Weiss said, exasperated. Yang, however, felt no shame in the matter, and continued to boast about her claims.

"Fine, call me sick," she stated boldly. "But know that I would still tap that bitch that like she was a water line, and I think you're crazy if you wouldn't even consider it."

"No reasonable person would consider it!" Weiss claimed wildly. "She's evil! It doesn't matter how hot she is! You don't sleep with her because she's still Salem, and she's evil, and she needs to be stopped."

"Aha!" Yang said triumphantly. "You _do _think she's hot!"

"I—wait, that's not what I—"

"Admit it, Weiss!" Yang stated. "Admit you'd want to bang Salem."

Bang Salem? Horrid. Of course not. The former Heiress to the Schnee Dust Company could not even bear the thought. Just the idea of crawling into bed with Salem, letting that witch run her fingers all over her, their smooth skin and supple breasts rubbing together under the warm sheets, the heat of that monster's sensual breath pressed into neck as their legs became tangled in a heaving, writhing mound of flesh, Weiss falling into her powerful arms as she lost count of the times she… no, it was _terrible_. Terrible! Weiss could not stand for such perverted thoughts and threw them away before they could further poison her mind. She needed an escape, and quickly, so she turned to the most innocent person she could think of to save her from her own sexy wants.

"R-Ruby, talk some sense into her," Weiss said hurriedly, but Yang merely scoffed at the attempt.

"Oh, please," she said passively, "Ruby has thought of _way more_ messed up things than I have."

Ruby, hearing her name dragged through the proverbial mud, took her ineffective defense mechanism off her ears and rose to defend her honor.

"What? No, I haven't," she said determinedly, noticing Weiss begin to judge her out of the corner of her eye. There was a slight quiver in her voice that she prayed Weiss did not detect.

"Of course, you have. I know you," Yang said accusingly.

"I've never thought about sleeping with our most powerful enemy," Ruby stated firmly.

Yang, however, smiled at her, knowing that the truth was firmly in her possession. "Oh, really? So, you're saying that you _haven't _thought of being sexually dominated by Cinder Fall?"

Ruby suddenly froze. Her eyes went as wide as saucers, and her face turned a shade of red that was deeper than her cape. Yang grinned smugly as Weiss and Blake looked upon their young leader with shock, and she could only feel a painful resentment towards Yang coursing through her as those hidden truths were spontaneously let free.

"You…" Ruby shook with rage at her sister. "You looked through my diary!"

"Hey, if you're going to pretend that I'm the only fucked up one here, that's what you deserve," Yang said unremorsefully.

Blake's mouth hung open in shock. She could have paid attention to the name of the woman consuming Ruby's fantasies, but instead, her mind focused on a different word. She couldn't help herself but ask. "What… what kind of dominating are we talking about?" she asked meekly.

"Oh, _tons _of stuff. Hardcore BDSM," Yang said gloatingly. "Black latex, toys, ball gags, whips, candles. Oh, and _stepping_."

"Stepping?" asked Weiss as Ruby nearly fainted.

"As in Cinder stepping _on _Ruby. In stiletto heels," Yang explained, her tone laced with sin. Blake felt a dangerous heat start to burn within her that she kept to herself. She only hoped that no one would notice her excitingly bite her bottom lip.

"Those… those are personal thoughts of self-expression!" Ruby shouted furiously. "You have no right to share any of that!"

Oscar—poor, naïve Oscar—coughed awkwardly. "Um, Ruby… why do you want Cinder Fall to step on you? Won't that hurt?"

"It's none of your business, Oscar!" Ruby screamed at him. "You are too young to understand the needs of a woman!"

"I…" Blake opened her mouth to speak, but really, what could she say? Once she saw one mental image of a nude, bound and gagged Ruby Rose being stepped on a pair of thick glass heels, she really didn't need to say anything else. Weiss—on her part—wanted to die. Yang was rather satisfied with herself.

"Yeah, sis, now what's natural?" she bragged. "I guess it's not too wrong to want to screw an evil lady when you want to do it."

"Hey, hold on a second," Ruby said, trying and miserably failing to regain her composure. "When I wrote that, I didn't know she was evil. I thought we were still just classmates. That doesn't count."

"Of course, it counts," claimed Yang. "Once you have a Cinder Fall sex fantasy, you're always going to have one. Are you honestly telling me that if she came up to you right now in her sexy red dress and her—" Yang momentarily cringed, and the words came out bizarrely. "_Sexy lack of an eye_… that you wouldn't let her take you like an animal in heat?"

Ruby gritted her teeth. Her muscles tensed up, and her face somehow turned an even brighter shade of red than before. With all eyes on her, she awkwardly and maddeningly shook her head. "That's beside the point! The point is that we are dealing with life and death circumstances, and you can't waste your time thinking about how you want to pound Salem like a… like a tender chicken breast!"

Sitting lonely against the tree trunk, Oscar whimpered softly. "I think I want to go home."

"Shut up, Oscar!" Yang and Ruby shouted him down simultaneously. Weiss, finally having heard enough, threw both of her hands up in the air in defeat.

"Okay, the two of you have major issues," she said, trying to rid the last of the sexy, sexy, _sexy _images out of her head; which, as Blake had already found out, was a task easier said than done. "When we get out of this snow, both of you need to take a long look in the mirror and figure out whether you want to fight against the Grimm or sleep with them."

"Weiss, please," Yang said breezily. "I want to sleep with Salem; I don't want to sleep with _Grimm_. That's not something I'm into."

"Y-Yeah," Ruby agreed halfheartedly. "We definitely _don't_ want to get involved in a Beowolf gangbang... if that's what you're thinking."

"Yeah!" Yang nodded without really thinking about her sister's comments any deeper. "Plus, Weiss, there _has _to be one member of Salem's gang that you want to grind on you."

"I _promise _you, there is not," Weiss said with certainty.

"Really?" Yang asked. She was determined to test that theory. "Not Emerald?"

"No."

"Mercury?"

"No."

"Vernal?"

"Hell no."

"Adam?"

Blake snapped to attention. "You _better_ say no."

"No! No no no!" Weiss insisted.

"That big dude? Hazel, I think?"

"N-No…"

That stutter. The moment it escaped her, Weiss seized up in fear, and Yang instinctively pounced.

"Him! I knew it! You want to bone Hazel!"

"N-No! Absolutely not!" Weiss insisted.

"You're lying. You are totally lying, you lying liar!"

"I am not," Weiss said, panicked. "I swear, I am not."

Yang smirked. "You know I can just ask Jinn and she'll tell me the truth, right?"

Weiss groaned in frustration. Under normal circumstances, she knew Yang would never be so stupid as to waste their final question on such a pointless conversation, but with her kinky fantasies threatening to reveal themselves, she couldn't think straight. The attention of the group had suddenly turned to her, and unfortunately for her, she was too weak to not immediately buckle under the pressure of their stares.

"Ugh… fine!" Weiss shouted desperately. "Maybe I wouldn't mind if Hazel smothered my head in between his enormous, beefy biceps! Maybe I'd be cool with him picking me up by my neck and strangling me until I passed out, and then tenderly making love to me while I'm only half-conscious. Is that what you want to hear, Yang? Is it? _Is it_?"

That was actually what no one wanted to hear. Literally no one.

Like, seriously no one.

Not Qrow, who wished he hadn't run out of alcohol in his flask.

Not said, virgin Oscar and his sad, virgin ears.

Certainly not the old woman with the skull cane, who had contemplated accompanying the young Huntresses on their journey, but now only really wanted to take a long bath.

Probably not Ruby or Blake either.

But Yang wanted to hear it. In fact, Yang was loving every second of it.

"I fucking knew it," she said gladly. "And here you were acting all righteous when you're just as much of a sex freak as the rest of us."

"Oh, fuck you and your lustful desires!" Weiss shouted, aggressively jabbing her finger at her. However, before tensions could escalate further, Ruby grabbed onto Weiss's wrist and lowered it as the Heiress calmed down.

"Weiss, that's enough," Ruby said, suddenly stepping between them. Someone was going to get hurt if they weren't careful The conversation had gotten too far out of hand, and there was a time to be embarrassed about the fact everyone knew what her sexual fantasies were, and a time to be a leader. Now was that time—for the latter, of course. "Look, I understand we've all learned a lot of things about each other we probably didn't want to know. _A lot _of things. In fact, some of us may never look at each other the same way ever again."

"That's an understatement," Oscar shuddered.

"But that doesn't matter!" Ruby declared, rallying her teammates behind her. "So what if Yang wants to go down on Salem? So what if Weiss wants big naked men to squeeze her unconscious? So what if sometimes I want Cinder to press down on me so hard that I stop breathing, and then lightly caress my cheek as she whispers in my ear that I'm her pet and I belong to her for all eternity before pouring hot wax all over my chest? _So what_? The fact is that if we don't bring this Relic to Atlas, those same people we're super horny for are going to hurt a lot of people. We can't let that happen no matter what, and that means we can't get caught up in shaming each other for our fetishes. We need to unite right now, for the good of Remnant... and each other."

Yang sighed. She hated it whenever Ruby had a point about something, especially when it was spoiling her fun. But her duty was more important than her pride, and she couldn't resist her leader. "You're right, sis. Keeping the Relic safe is the most important thing. I'm sorry I got distracted by Salem's MILF-ness instead of paying attention to Jinn's vision."

"That's all right," Ruby said earnestly. "I can understand why you were distracted. I mean, she's not as hot as Cinder, but in her human form, she was sort of hot."

"I know, right?" Yang bragged. "And I'm sorry that I revealed your diary to everyone. That was really uncool."

"I forgive you, Yang," said Ruby in good spirits. "I'm sorry I called your sex drive unnatural."

"Hey, compared to most people, it is unnatural… unnaturally _awesome_. Am I right?" Yang laughed, holding her hand up for a high five that nobody wanted to accept.

Weiss moaned, awkwardly scratching the back of her head. "I guess I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have made such a big deal out of all of this. You shouldn't feel shamed for who you're attracted to."

"It's okay," Yang said. "I mean, I shouldn't be making a deal out of you wanting to be choked by Hazel. Choking can be ultra-sexy as long as it's not, like, domestic abuse or anything. All things being said, none of our fetishes are really _that_ messed up."

"That is true," Ruby agreed. "It could be a lot worse."

"Right," said Weiss. "One of could have said they had, like, an incest fetish or something. At least we're not _that_ fucked up."

The girls had a decent chuckle about that. There was something strangely comforting about it, that despite the odd stares they were receiving from the others, they were closer than they were before. Granted, they were closer in the most personal and unspeakable of ways, but they were closer, and they valued that however they could. They might have even wanted to hug each other if their current mental images of each other weren't in their lewdest possible states. At the end of the day, they were still a team: Team RWBY. They were a family whose bond was unbreakable, and nothing—not even their deepest, most perverted desires—could ever tear them apart.

And then Yang noticed that one of them wasn't laughing.

And then Ruby noticed that one of them wasn't laughing.

And then Weiss noticed that one of them wasn't laughing.

And then all three of them turned to look at Blake, who was trying her absolute hardest to fade into the snow and disappear, which was increasingly difficult given the bright shade of red her cheeks were turning. Her ears drooped, and she shuffled awkwardly on the balls of her feet, trying to keep her gaze focused on the ground and away from the prying eyes of her teammates. She tried to join in with their laughter, but all that came out as a very obviously nervous chuckle, and they eyed her with ever-growing suspicion until her façade quickly broke, and her smile faded, and the Faunus girl let out a very irritated moan as she rolled her eyes.

"Oh, what?" Blake scoffed in protest. "Like I'm the _only_ one here who thinks my mom is ridiculously hot."


	2. Bad Bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so this was originally a oneshot, but we were bored when we should have been studying for finals, and so we decided we were going to expand this story a bit. Expect some more chapters after this one. Probably getting increasingly raunchier. We'll see when we get there. Enjoy.

All things considered, Emerald didn't mind spending her days trapped in an evil room in an evil castle in a land of eternal evil.

The usual procedure in the castle was to have their morning meetings in the chapel, where Salem would sit at the head of a long table and ask her followers about their progress on various assignments. It was usually something relatively simple. Destroy a village here. Steal some Dust there. Seek out and slaughter any hidden Silver-eyed Maidens. Then, she would dismiss her subjects, and go about breeding more Grimm and plotting her inevitable conquest of Remnant. Considering that Emerald's assignment was typically to train and assist Cinder—who she may or may not have been slightly in love with—she didn't really see any total downside, especially since her schedule allowed her to get a decent portion of free time in. Salem's library was vast and full of knowledge thought lost to the rest of the human race, but far more important than that, Dr. Watts was able to use some of his technological mumbo jumbo and install free cable in her room. Free cable! Hell, she was even able to snatch his Dustflix passwords, so she had plenty of time to catch up on her shows. Like Breaking Sad. She thought it was overrated.

Of course, all of that was predicated on Salem being in a good mood, and ever since they returned from Haven Academy, that was certainly not the case. To say that Salem was upset with their failures would be an understatement. In the week since they had returned, Emerald could hear Salem's screams of rage and anguish echo throughout the castle, penetrating through the walls night and day. Every few hours, there would be a loud crash, and Emerald would look around to discover another wall broken with a hole punched through it, or another priceless artifact smashed into smithereens. It was a very fretful time for the young assassin, and not even picking apart plot holes in Breaking Sad seemed to make her feel better.

One day, it reached its apex. One day, Emerald was invited into Salem's chambers.

Naturally, Emerald was terrified. No one—not even Salem's most trusted allies—were ever invited into her chambers. That was a sacred place that no soul ever dared to disturb. When Tyrion told Emerald that Salem had requested her presence, she first thought it was a cruel joke. But then Watts repeated the message to her, and then Hazel, and then Mercury, and then eventually a Seer appeared at the entrance to her room, and she reluctantly followed it to what she figured would be her certain doom.

The doors to Salem's chambers were massive, taking up the entirety of the dark hallway, and when Emerald nervously knocked on its wooden surface, she heard a voice from within calling her inside. Taking a deep breath, Emerald stepped inside and worriedly looked around her surroundings. The space was massive, with walls of bookshelves on either side and Seers in every corner. To her right, nestled away, was a sort of workbench covered in strange materials, roots and algae and animal parts that she used as part of her strange and cruel experiments. On the back wall was a bed, exuberant and covered in silk red sheets. She was surprised that a being like Salem—whatever weird Human-Grimm hybrid she was—even needed sleep. Maybe she never used it, only keeping it there for aesthetic purposes. Standing at the foot of the bed was the Queen of the Grimm herself, a dull sneer on her face as she looked at Emerald with those creepy red and black eyes.

"Emerald. You're late," she said distastefully.

"S-Sorry, My Lord," Emerald muttered, bowing her head.

"Come closer, child," Salem instructed. "I will not harm you."

Emerald questioned the validity of that statement, but she didn't really have a say in the matter. She took cautious steps deeper into the chamber, Salem staring her down all the way until she was but a few feet away from her master.

"What is it that you want from me, My Lord?" Emerald asked timidly.

Salem grimaced. The bed and its surrounding area were slightly raised off the floor, giving Salem just an extra bit of height to tower over the young woman. Not that she needed any help; she was already an overwhelming figure, but the extra few inches just served as another reminder of how powerless Emerald was in her Lord's presence.

"I'm sure you are aware of how… _disappointed_ I have been recently," Salem said bitterly. "Despite Beacon's fall, we have not come any closer to our ultimate goal of obtaining the Relics. My Grimm have been slaughtered by the remaining Huntsmen, Ozpin is gathering his forces to stop me once and for all, and Cinder Fall, my most faithful student, has turned out to be an utter failure."

Emerald nodded solemnly. "Yes, My Lord. I promise that we will not repeat our failings."

"That is good to hear," said Salem. "But I did not bring you here because I wanted promises. What I want from you, Emerald, is perspective."

"Perspective?"

"Yes," Salem explained. "It appears that even Hazel can no longer be trusted to give me reliable information. He has attempted to protect you and Mercury by taking the burdens of your failings at Haven Academy unto himself. A noble goal, if a fruitless one. However, it was you, dear child, that was willing to speak truth to the matter."

Yes. Truth. Sort of. Emerald had confessed a bit too quickly in the chapel that Cinder was the one responsible for failing them at Haven. Which, to be fair, was correct. If Cinder had succeeded, then they wouldn't be in such a mess. Of course, she conveniently left out the part that she could have helped Cinder more than she ended up doing, but was that _really _necessary when the evilest being in the universe was interrogating her? Emerald didn't think so, and she was a reasonable person, so surely she could trust her own judgment.

"So, what do you want from me?" Emerald asked suspiciously.

"I merely desire your opinion," Salem stated. "As you are apparently the only voice I can trust amongst my forces, I want you to tell me what you think the cause of our failures are, and what you think is our chance to succeed. I already know of Cinder's lackluster abilities, her proneness to being distracted by her thirst for vengeance. But, what about the rest of my forces? What of their abilities?"

"Um…" Emerald stammered. She never had so much trust or responsibility placed on her shoulders before, not even by Cinder. She hardly knew where to begin.

"Spit it out, child. I don't have all day."

"Well, to be honest," Emerald stuttered, "all of them kind of… suck?"

"They… suck?"

"Yeah. Your forces kind of suck," Emerald said more confidently. "I mean, they all failed you during the assault on Haven. Hazel got distracted by trying to kill that dumb kid. Lionheart abandoned us in the middle of fighting like a coward. Adam let all of his Faunus get surrounded and captured by the police, and Mercury was more interested in making quips than actually fighting the enemy."

Salem grimaced. "So, what you are telling me is that all of my followers are incompetent?"

"I mean, I guess," Emerald ranted. "Any of them could have done more. I mean, we're literally fighting against a bunch of teenagers. You think they wouldn't be _that_ hard to kill. But they kicked our asses. Hell, the only reason we were able to escape in the first place was that I scared them so badly with my Semblance that I distracted them enough to run off."

The corners of Salem's mouth twitched upwards. "I see. Your Semblance was the only thing that kept you alive."

"Yes, ma'am."

"How could I not see it?" Salem said aloud, pleased with herself. "You have the power to create powerful hallucinations. You can cause the mind of our enemies to be filled with horrific nightmares. That kind of power might be the key to our victory."

"You… you really think so?" Emerald said eagerly.

"Why not? After all, if you can create a hallucination that is so terrifying, so absolutely hideous and disturbing that you can stop even Ozpin in his tracks, then surely you have a talent that has gone far underutilized. Tell me, child, what was it?"

Emerald blinked twice.

"What?"

"What monstrous thing did you cause them to hallucinate?" Salem asked, her voice dripping with excitement. "You injected a nightmare of horrid proportions into their imagination, and I want to know what disgusting thing caused them such paralyzing dread."

"Oh. You…" Emerald said uncomfortably, scratching the back of her head. "You know, it's not really important…"

"Of course, it's important," Salem stated with a wicked grin. "I have to the know what putrid, revolting, trauma-inducing monstrosity of cruel and untold hatred you summoned to cause such distraughtness, such fear, such paranoia that they—"

"It was you."

Salem paused. Her smile faded. "I'm sorry, come again?"

"Um… it was you," Emerald cringed, looking away nervously. "I sort of summoned a big image of… you."

Salem stood frozen for a long moment. "So… the hallucination you summoned that was so horrible that it terrified our enemies into submission was… me?"

"Yes."

"So, what you're saying is… my enemies were so _shocked_ that their greatest enemy Salem had arrived before them, that my mere presence startled them?"

"Actually, they had no idea who you were," Emerald admitted. "I think they were all scared because you looked kind of… you know…"

"I looked…"

"A little spooky."

"Spooky?"

"I mean, the hallucination was like a distorted version of you," Emerald said quickly. "So, the distortions were what scared them… probably."

"I-I see," Salem said rationally. "W-What kind of distortions are we talking about?"

"Well, you had some bendy arms."

"Bendy arms?"

"Yeah."

"They were bendy?"

"Bendy."

"Bendy how?"

Emerald stuck out her arms in front of her, and rapidly wobbled them up and down. Salem's eyes followed them up and down, her face unmoving. Emerald lowered her arms, and then shrugged as Salem's eyebrow rose.

"Was my face… also bendy?"

"Uh… maybe a little?"

"A little?"

"Okay, not really."

"So... what you are telling me is that... my normal, everyday face is so horrifying, so terrible in every way, that people get repulsed into traumatized submission just by looking at it?"

"I wouldn't use those words exactly."

"But?"

Emerald shrugged reluctantly. "Um... yes?"

Salem stood in silence for a very long time, completely expressionless. She looked at Emerald standing awkwardly in front of her, and Emerald just sort of stared back at her, gently tapping her thighs with her palms. Eventually, after an eternity of staring, Salem gently stared back and sat at the foot of her bed, bringing her hands into the lap and staring at the emptily at the floor.

"Oh."

"Hey, come on now," Emerald tried to say encouragingly, but Salem dismissed her glumly.

"No, no, I get it," Salem mumbled. "My face is so hideous that merely looking at me sends my enemies into a state of fearful shock. I mean… I _guess_ that could be a good thing."

"Salem, don't be like that. You're not hideous. You're super pretty."

The Grimm Queen shook her head. "No, really, it's fine. You don't have to flatter me."

"I'm not flattering you."

"Emerald, please," Salem said sternly. "I decided to place my trust in you because I thought you were honest. There's no reason for you to feel the need to lie to me. I know I'm not exactly a spring chicken. I've been alive for countless millennia, and I'll be the first to admit that the satanic pools of black Grimm spawn aren't the most helpful for maintaining clear skin. You can tell me that I'm scary. I won't mind."

"You aren't scary, Salem," Emerald repeated, but her master wasn't having it.

"Come on, Emerald. Be honest. Brutally honest. Please. I can take it."

Emerald shifted uncomfortably on her heels, desperately not wanting to say anything, but her master kept staring at her expectantly, wearing her down, until she eventually couldn't help but blurt out her words. "Okay, look, the only reason people think you're scary is because of your presentation. I mean, it's not that you aren't hot, because you are—even with the super pale skin and all the weird veiny things—but oh my God, you _need_ to get a different outfit. Whatever this weird witch thing is, it ain't working for you, sister. Like, your robes are super unflattering to your figure because they just drape over you, and dressing in all black makes you look super ghastly, even kind of emo. You need a splash of color. Fuck that, you need a _bucket_ of color. And what's with the hair? You look my grandma trying to self-style after her dementia diagnosis. That big bun makes you look like your forty millennia old instead of ten, and those weird feathery things sticking out the side with the black bands? What. The. Fuck. And also, stop being all stoic and serious all the times. Throw some sultriness into your lifestyle. Spice it up a little. Show some spunk. Because right now, I'm not getting Salem: All Powerful Queen of Evil—I'm getting Salem: All Powerful Queen of the Crazy Cat Ladies."

Emerald finished with a huff, crossing her arms. Salem miserably stared at her before crossing her own arms, pouting and letting out a sigh.

"Okay, you didn't have to be _that_ brutally honest."

Emerald rolled her eyes and took a seat on the bed, wrapping a comforting arm around Salem's shoulders. "Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to come off like that."

"No, you're right," Salem groaned. "I used to have so much confidence in myself. I traveled the world and ruled over humanity with an iron fist, and now look at me. I'm just sitting in this castle by myself, wasting away, lounging around in these robes as I make all of my worthless minions do my work for me."

"You know what your problem is? You've been getting too caught up in your work," Emerald explained. "You spend all of your time thinking about ways to destroy humanity. You keep thinking, 'What can I do to help evil?' when what you really need to be thinking is, 'What can I do to help _me_-vil?' Do you know what I'm saying?"

"Not particularly."

"I'm saying you need to get your confidence back," Emerald said powerfully. "You cannot be expected to wipe out humanity if you can't even wipe out your own anxieties. Before you can kill Ozpin, you have to prove to him that you are a _killer_."

"A killer?" Salem said, intrigued. "I like the sound of that. But… how?"

Emerald smirked. "Girlfriend, you just leave that to me."

* * *

As it turned out, a person could get next-day shipping even in the middle of a destroyed wasteland. The wonders of technology! It allowed Emerald to spend all night shopping for every designer trend she could find, and when they arrived in massive cardboard boxes, she eagerly brought them to Salem's chambers and shoved them and her master into the closet to try them on. She had done most of the work already, including fixing her Lord's hair and makeup and succinctly selecting her outfits down to the minute details; all she had to do was wait.

"I'm not sure about this, Emerald," Salem called to her from behind her closet door. "This feels very… strange. I haven't worn heels in years."

"That's because you are used to wearing trash," Emerald stated. "Come on out. You'll look great."

After a few minutes of bickering back and forth, Salem finally relented and stepped out of the closet. Upon seeing her completed work, Emerald let out a long whistle, and stepped aside so that Salem could reluctantly take her place in front of the mirror.

"Honestly, I think I look stu… pid…"

Salem trailed off as she looked at herself more clearly. Emerald had done more than just some work; the girl near renovated the whole damn project! She had started with the hair, tearing down the bun and the offshoots and giving it volume, letting it fall down her shoulders in beautiful, defined waves. Then there was the makeup bringing added depth to her complexion, the highlight of which was the red lipstick bringing out the fullness of her lips and the malicious blood-red color of her eyes. And there was her dress—not a flimsy, gothic robe that looked like it was stitched by her mother-in-law as a late birthday gift—but a dress, bright red and snug to her skin with a deep V-neck that showed off her ample bust and a slit down the left side which allowed her run a hand down her supple thigh. And there was the diamond necklace and the assorted bracelets and the gorgeous earrings, and seeing it all at once sent shivers down her spine.

"Oh. My. Me."

"I _know_, right?" Emerald nodded excitedly. "Isn't it incredible how stunning you can look?"

"I don't even know how to describe it," Salem said, smoothing her palms down her hips. "I look so… _womanly_. I haven't felt like this since that time Oz and I did that schoolgirl-teacher roleplay two thousand years ago."

"Of course not, because you haven't been trying," Emerald said, completely brushing past her master's comments. "But you _should _feel like this. You are a sexy, fierce, powerful woman who is control of her own enterprise and takes orders from no one. This world trembles before you in awe, and you have to work. That. Shit."

"I don't know," Salem said cautiously. "I mean, I look hot as all hell, but don't you think this is a little much? I mean, I look like I'm about to go to a gala, not destroy and conquer humanity."

"Salem, you are forgetting something. You aren't just a boss, or a conqueror, or a Grimm. You are a Queen. And what do Queens have to do?"

"Subjugate?"

Emerald smirked. "Queens have to _slay_."

Slay? Salem liked that a lot. She was good at slaying. Incredibly good at it. She had slain so many people she had made a habit of it. Slaying, maiming, torturing, decimating… she was a master of all those and many, many more. Was that the secret to recapturing her womanhood? The true method to finally rid the world of humanity once and for all? "Slaying," as it were? It was so simple, and yet it had been hidden right before her very eyes! Maybe this whole charade had a purpose to it. Maybe there was a chance she really was going to better herself. She could already feel the power of the dress take hold, giving her confidence in her own skin. It appeared that putting her trust in Emerald was the best idea she had in centuries.

"I can slay," Salem said slyly. "I'll slay any poor bastard who dares to stand in my way."

"That's the spirit," Emerald said proudly, pumping her fist. "You need to step outside and show the world who's boss. You need to find Ozpin, walk right up to him and say, 'I am Salem, I am the Queen of the Grimm, and I am a bad bitch who won't take shit from you anymore.'"

"A… bad bitch?" Salem said hesitantly, unfamiliar with the expression.

"Yeah, it's a good thing," Emerald stated. "It means you're a tough-as-nails, independent fighter who rocks her style and knows that she's the coolest motherfucker in the room anywhere she goes. That needs to be _you, _Salem. You get me?"

"I… guess?"

"No! Bad bitches don't guess. Bad bitches _know_," Emerald declared. "Who slaughtered the students at Beacon Academy?"

"I did?" asked Salem.

"What was that?"

"I… I did," Salem said more confidently.

"Who killed Ozpin so many times she lost count?"

"I did," Salem said louder.

"Who's going to go to Atlas Academy and burn it all to the ground?"

"I am," Salem stated, louder and stronger still.

"Who's going to gather all the Relics and destroy all humanity?"

"I am."

"Who's a bad bitch?"

"I am!"

"Let me hear you say it!"

Salem popped her hips out, admiring her beautiful form in the mirror. "I'm a bad bitch!"

"Louder!"

A heat grew between her legs. "I'm a bad bitch!"

"Louder! I can't hear you!"

Salem roared into the mirror as loud as she could, lusting after her own image. "I'm a _bad bitch_!"

"You're a _bad bitch_!" Emerald screamed.

"I'm a bad fucking bitch!" Salem declared, losing herself. She rummaged her hands through her hands as she began to writhe in the mirror, shaking her hips and showing off her body.

"You are a fucking strong, independent woman who needs _no man _to tell you what to do!" Emerald shouted at the top of her lungs.

"You're goddamn right, I don't!" Salem screamed in ecstasy, suddenly grabbing her tits and squishing them together. "Look at me! I am a sexy badass, with huge tits and a great ass!"

"You are hot as shit!"

"I'm so fucking hot that human beings betray their _species _for me!" Salem squealed, squeezing her breasts. "See what you're missing out on Ozpin, you piece of shit! You want to ditch me? Leave me for fucking dead? Well, I don't fucking need you, you worthless motherfucker!"

"You are going to be the world's hottest dictator!" Emerald decreed.

"Fuck yeah!" screamed Salem. "You know why?"

"Cause you're a bad bitch!"

"Because I'm a _bad bitch_!" Salem moaned, overwhelmed with raw sensual energy. "I'm going to win the war against humanity and slay every last one of those miserable creatures myself!"

"Fuck yeah!"

"I'm going to find Ozpin and that stupid little team of his, and I'm going to kill each and every one of them!"

"Yeah, fuck 'em up!"

"And then," Salem moaned as the heat burned like lava between her legs, her body trembling as she groped herself endlessly "I'm going to take that silver-eyed cunt and I'm going to rip her eyes straight out of her sockets!"

"Rip those stupid things right out!"

"I'm going to fuck Ozpin's corpse!"

"Yeah, fuck his—wait, what?"

"I'm gonna… I'm gonna fuck his corpse!" Salem shouted in lustful bliss. "I'm going to kill him, and then I'm gonna take his body and… and… I'm just gonna _fuck_ it! Just… right then and there! Fuck his dead body, just because I can! And then I'll… I'll find his _new _host body, and I'll drag it to his old body and… just, like… make him _watch _as I fuck his old body! Then I'll fuck his new body and his old body! Just… just _full-on double penetration_! And then I'll kill him again, to prove that he _doesn't fucking own me_!"

Emerald stared at her master in dead-eyed silence. Then, Salem turned to her and enthusiastically shouted. "Bad bitch!"

"Y-Yeah!" Emerald said with a shrug. "Bad bitch!"

"Who's the baddest bitch in Remnant?" Salem cried, nearly lost in the throes of orgasm.

"You are!" Emerald cheered her on, admiring her master's body as she began grinidng on the mirror.

"Who's the baddest bitch?"

"You're the baddest bitch!"

"Fuck yeah!"

"Yeah!"

"Bad bitch!"

"Bad fucking bitch!"

"I'm the baddest fucking bitch!"

"You're damn right!"

"Yeah!"

"Oh, yeah!"

"Fucking bad bitch!"

"Bad bitch!"

Salem suddenly bent over, leaning against the mirror and gazing over her shoulder. "Emerald, quick, _spank me_. I need it!"

Emerald, not being one to disappoint her boss, smacked Salem's ass as hard as she could, eliciting a delighted scream from the Queen. Licking her lips, Emerald smacked her ass again, and then again, and again, each time causing Salem to gush in pleasure.

"Oh, fuck yeah!" Salem cried. "Hit me! Do it!"

"Whooo!" Emerald shouted joyfully. She smacked her ass as many times as she wanted, watching excitedly as her plump rear jiggled with every strike through her dress. "Bad! Bitches! Get! Fucking! Spanked!"

"You're fucking _right _we do!" Salem squealed. "Don't you dare stop, bitch! Do as your bad bitch Queen commands and spank her!"

"Yeah, who's a filthy slut?"

"_I'm_ a filthy fucking slut and a bad fucking bitch!" Salem declared. "I'm a naughty fucking bitch who needs to be _spanked hard_ and—"

And then, at that precise moment, Mercury casually walked into the room, looking down at his Scroll as he walked inside.

"Hey, Salem, I got an update for you—"

He looked up, and then all three of them froze. Salem froze still bent over, her smiling mouth stuck open in a permanent pose of unrepentant pleasure, and Emerald froze with her hand resting firmly against her master's ass. Mercury stood completely still, like a statue, at the far end of the room. He looked at Emerald, and then he looked at Salem, and then Salem looked at him, and then Emerald looked at him, and then he looked at Emerald, and then Emerald looked at the Salem, and then Salem looked at Emerald, and then Emerald looked at him, and then Emerald looked at Salem, and then Salem looked at him, and then he looked at Salem, and then Salem looked at Emerald, and then Salem looked at him, and then Emerald looked at him, and then he coughed.

"So, uh… just wanted to stop by and say that one of your Seers found Team RWBY," he said quietly. "They're at Brunswick Farms in the Mistral forests."

"That is good to hear," Salem said, watching him from over her shoulder, still smiling and still bent over with a hand on her ass. "Thank you, Mercury."

"You're welcome, ma'am. I guess I'll… go now," he turned to leave, but quickly stopped himself before he got far. "Oh, and uh… I won't mention this to anyone."

Salem grinned at him. "_You're goddamn right you won't._"

Mercury closed the door and then sprinted down the hallway as fast as he could, rushing off to hide in his room and pretend he was suffering a nightmare. Meanwhile, Salem casually stood back up and straightened out her dress, gently clasping her hands at her waist and reclaiming her posture. Emerald back away slowly without a word. A silene lingered. An awkward silence, which remained between them for roughly a billion minutes, until Salem finally broke the silence with a subtle suggestion.

"Hey, Emerald?"

"Yeah?"

"What do you say we pay Brunswick Farms a visit?"


	3. Blake and her Fantasies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, we are terrible people we shouldn't be writing this but we are we need to stop enjoy

"Okay, so let me get this straight," Yang said, taking a tentative sip of her hot cocoa. "You are perfectly fine with having sex with your dad, but you don't want him to come onto you?"

"For the hundredth time, _yes_," Blake rolled her eyes. "_I _need to be the one to seduce my dad, but my _mom _needs to be the one who seduces me."

"That makes no damn sense."

"It makes perfect sense!"

The conversation had been going on like that for the past six hours, and Ruby and Weiss watched with tired eyes as their teammates bickered back and forth from opposite ends of the couch about the specificities of Blake's fantasies. The duo shared a blanket, tucking their legs together in a jumbled mass as they went on and on and on; Weiss watched from the extended lounge chair, and Ruby just sort of rolled about on the floor by the roaring fireplace, bored out of her mind. One would assume that talking about sex would get any teenage girl so pent up that they could rip their clothes off at any given moment, but that person would assume wrong, and they would be a massive idiot. As it happened, talking about sex and fetishes for six hours straight tended to dull things a bit.

The other members of their party drifted away from them hours ago. Qrow, still contemplating how his life had no meaning whatsoever, locked himself in the kitchen with all the wine he could find. Oscar had taken up the responsibility of wandering the farm and searching for supplies. They could have sworn him screaming something about a bunch of corpses earlier, but they were so wrapped up in their conversation at the time that they mostly just ignored him, and he felt too grossed out to interrupt them about it. They figured it was all probably just a bunch of nothing. As for the old woman, she abandoned the party a long time ago, wandering off on her own into the woods shortly after Blake admitted she wanted to go down on her own mother. _"Never should have stayed on that train with you fucking perverts," _she had said quite potently. No one really seemed to care when she left.

"Okay, so explain to me again: why can your dad not seduce you?"

"Because it's creepy," Blake explained.

Weiss snickered. "Really? _You _want to talk about creepy?"

"No, hear me out," Blake said sternly. "Dads are sort of like the protectors of the household, right? They are the authority figure, and so if he tried to come onto me, then you get these weird abuse-of-power vibes, and that's not hot. If I come onto him, then I'm subverting his authority, and that's incredibly hot."

"But how is that any different than your mom?" Yang questioned.

"Because that's not a demanding relationship, it's a nurturing one," Blake reasoned. "I'm mommy's little girl. It's a perverted extension of the natural relationship between mother and daughter. Is this really not making any sense to you?"

"Not really," Ruby yawned.

"Okay, but what about this scenario?" Yang asked. "You just got out of an abusive relationship with an ex-boyfriend, and your dad is there to comfort you. He tells you that the boyfriend didn't know what he was missing out on, and you are beautiful, and your confidence rises, and he tells you that he is so proud to have you as his daughter, and then _just_ when you begin to lower your guard, he starts kissing down your neck, and starts reaching into your pants, and then… you know…"

"No! No no no!" Blake said forcefully, shaking her head. "He has to show reluctance. The sexiest part is the reluctance. Without that, what is even the point of me trying to straddle my dad?"

"Yes," Weiss sneered. "What could ever be the point of that?"

"Look, it doesn't matter anyway," Blake groaned. "I've already come up with the perfect scenario for how I ended up sleeping with both of my parents, so your input doesn't matter anyway."

"Ooh, really?" Yang asked excitedly. "Can we hear it?"

"What? No!" Weiss protested. "We are not listening to a detailed incest fantasy. That is a step way too far, even for us. Plus, we already had to listen to Yang's detailed Salem fantasy an hour ago, and I still haven't recovered from all of the tentacles."

"No ever does recover from the tentacles," Yang sighed peacefully. "No one ever does."

Ruby looked up at her teammate with puppy dog eyes. "Come on, Weiss, let her tell it. I'm so bored."

"Hey, you be quiet," Weiss demanded.

"But what if it's _kinky_?" Ruby asked desperately. She pouted and bowed her head. "Please, Weiss, don't deprive me of this."

Weiss groaned, throwing her head back against the cushion. God, when did Ruby became such a slut? Well, she had always been one, Weiss supposed, but she didn't always have to know about it. She wished she could just lock that knowledge up in a bottle and throw it into the ocean, or place it in a Relic and seal it in a Vault where no one would ever disturb it. But there was nothing she could do about it, and because of Ruby's cute little stare, her resolve crumbled into pieces.

"Fine, Blake," Weiss cringed. "Tell us all how you plan to… ugh… _fuck your own parents._"

"Sweet!" Blake said with satisfaction, springing up to her feet. "Okay, so picture this. A warm Menagerie morning. The sun shining through the windows. A light breeze in the air. My father is out doing advocacy work for the Faunus, but my mom is still home, making breakfast. She hums gently as she cooks the meal. With my dad gone, she's been waiting for this day for a long, long time. She doesn't show it yet though as I wander into the kitchen, still stretching and rubbing my eyes. I'm wearing nothing but a short white T-shirt and matching panties, the picture of pure innocence. I'm lured into the room by the sweet aroma of delicious cooking, and my mom smiles warmly, greeting me like she would any other day. I sit down at the kitchen table, and after a few moments, she lays a plate in front of me and tells me to enjoy. Fresh tuna. My favorite. Little do I know that this won't be the only tuna I'll be eating today…"

Yang grinned. "Oooooh, foreshadowing. I love it."

"Really?" Weiss questioned. "Eating tuna? That's the pun you're going with? Are you five?"

Ruby shushed her. "Hey, I'm trying to listen."

Blake continued. "So, anyway, she gives me a gentle, motherly kiss on my ear, which twitches under her touch. She asks me what my plans are for the day, but she doesn't listen as I explain them. It doesn't matter in the end what _I _want to do. She offers to get me a glass of water, which I obviously accept. Who doesn't want refreshing water? But uh oh! As she walks to the table, she 'trips' and ends up spilling the water all over my white top! A disaster! I stand from the table, shocked and embarrassed, blushing hard. She hurriedly apologies and grabs a cloth, promising to wash it off, but she has no intention of doing so. Instead, she slowly rubs the cloth over my chest as my shirt becomes more and more see-through until my breasts are fully exposed as the moist fabric clings to them. My nipples harden from the cold water, trying to rip free from my top, and she pretends she doesn't notice, but I can't help but see a slight smirk creeping across her face. In my stunned embarrassment, I tell her I'm going to take a shower and then get changed. She acts relieved, but she grins when I'm out of sight. All according to plan."

"Wait a second," Weiss said suddenly. "How did your mom know you were going to go take a shower? I mean, she only spilled water on you. It's not like you got dirty—"

"Hey, don't critique plot holes in my fantasies!" Blake protested.

"All right, all right," Weiss moaned. "Geez, just trying to make commentary."

"Well, I'm trying to make _art_, so zip it!" Blake snapped, and Weiss backed off.

"Continue," Yang instructed gleefully, subtly slipping her hand underneath her blanket. "This is getting good."

"Okay, so I go to the shower, and _this _is where it starts to ramp up," Blake said eagerly. "I'm completely naked, the hot water pouring all over my body. Wet hair down my back, water dripping between my thighs. I slowly wash myself, lathering up my hot body, making sure I give myself a _deep _cleaning, if you know what I mean." She paused for a moment, just to make sure everyone knew what she meant. "I masturbate with the shower faucet."

"We got that," Weiss stated.

"So, there I am, doing my work, when suddenly I hear the door open up. I freak out and drop the faucet as I rush to cover myself as my mom suddenly steps into the room, wearing a black, silky bathrobe. 'Mom, w-what are you doing here?' I stammer, but she gives me a knowing smirk. She says in a lustful voice that she just wanted to make sure I was doing well, and that she wanted to double-check that her daughter was bathing herself properly. It had been _so _long since we last bathed together, not since I was very little. 'You've grown up _so much _since then,' she moans, eyes traveling up and down my figure. It's been so long since we've spent any quality time together. Why don't we have some right now? Then, she drops her robe."

Blake's eyes go wide as she kneels down, holding her arms out in front of her, motioning the others toward her. "Now, you have to imagine that she is the just the _hottest fucking woman_. Smooth skin, tight abs, thick hips, freshly shaven, with boobs that are full and round like the moon and still holding their shape despite her age. Like, she has to be _unnaturally _sexy, except, of course, she is all-natural because she's perfect. I stand there with my mouth open as she casually enters the shower, still smiling lovingly at me. I turn away from her, trying to hide my arousal, but she knows. She _always _knows. She begins to lather up her own tits, playing with them and squeezing them as she rubs them with soap, and then she notices that I haven't washed my back yet. 'Let me help you with that,' she says, and then she places her hands on my shoulders, and presses her giant breasts into my back. She runs her soapy mounds up and down my back, using them like perfect sponges. Her hard nipples rub against my shoulder blades, and I try to hold back a moan, but it can't help but escape my lips. She notices that I'm distracted, and then casually reaches down under and around my arms and grabs onto my own breasts. I don't even resist as she starts massaging them, gently kneading her fingers into them to elicit more delicate moans from me. Her thumbs roll my nipples, and I subconsciously push my ass back into her hips, molding our bodies tightly together as she continues to use her hot flesh to bathe mine. I'm losing all control. The last rational part of my brain is still fighting, telling me that what I'm doing is _so wrong_, and yet its being overwhelmed by my primal, depraved urges. Her hand slowly travels down my body, running past my ribs, my stomach, and then into my crotch, and she sweetly whispers into my ear in a husky voice, 'Let Mommy take good care of—'"

"Okay, fuck this noise!" Weiss suddenly declared, jumping out of her seat. "We've had enough! Shut this down!"

Blake frowned. "I was just getting into it, though."

"Doesn't matter. We don't need anymore."

"But you haven't heard how I plan to seduce my dad yet!" Blake cried. "See, after a three-month-long affair with my mom, we decide to give dad a blindfolded birthday surprise. He _thinks_ he's getting a blowjob from my mom, but right when he's about to cum, she pulls up the mask and—"

"Stop it!" Weiss screamed.

Yang and Ruby groaned painfully.

"Oh, really, Weiss? Do you have to spoil the fun?" Yang asked.

"Yeah, I wanted to know what happened next," Ruby complained. "That was really good, Blake. Well-detailed. If being a Huntress doesn't work out, you should become a novelist."

"Thanks, Ruby."

Weiss placed her hands on her hips. "Oh, shut up, you sick fucks. I do not need to sit here and listen to Blake daydreaming about her mom fingerblasting her."

"There wasn't going to be any fingerblasting," Blake protested. "Just normal fingering… and you know, some cunnilingus. Like normal."

"That doesn't—"

"And some scissoring."

"That—"

"And she eats my ass at one point."

"I don't care!" Weiss shouted furiously. "I know we had a whole thing about not kink-shaming each other, but that doesn't mean I have to partake in this sick shit. I don't care whether it's real or not, or whether it's a mom or a dad, you should. Not. Bang. Your. _Relatives_!" Weiss quickly pointed at Yang, casting her a deranged glare. "And stop fucking masturbating in front of your teammates, you blonde-haired bimbo fuck!"

"I-I'm not masturbating," Yang said quickly, flushing with guilt. "I'm just… adjusting my pants. Yep. Adjusting my pants. Giving 'em the old one-handed adjustment. That's it." Yang smiled awkwardly, but Ruby soon joined in on the disappointed glances, giving her sister the _really-you-couldn't-just-wait-until-tonight-I'm-literally-two-feet-from-you-this-reflects-badly-on-our-family _look. Yang casually removed her hand from under the blanket, and tucked it quickly behind her back where no one could see it. Blake, trying to cast the idea of her best friend pleasuring herself in her immediate vicinity out of her mind, turned to Weiss and crossed her arms.

"You know, it's super weird that you're not into incest, Weiss, all things considered," she claimed.

"What things considered? There are no things. _No things_ to consider!" Weiss said passionately.

"Well, one, your family all looks the same," Blake explained, "and as everyone knows, basic incest math means that the more the family members look the same, the hotter it gets."

"Incest math?" Weiss said disparagingly. "That's not a thing."

"It's absolutely a thing. Incest math: the objective measurement system of how hot it would be to bang any given family member. There's tons of variables to consider, and one of the most important ones calculated is how similar you look. That's why twincest is wincest, and that stepmom porn you find online with completely unrelated actresses suck."

"First of all, I don't _watch_ stepmom porn, so I don't know what the hell you are talking about," Weiss said firmly, "and second of all, this is absolutely something you just made up."

"It is not! It's totally real!"

"Really? Who invented it?"

"John Q. Incest."

Weiss narrowed her gaze. "John Q. Incest?"

Blake nodded hesitantly. "S-Sure. John Q. Incest."

"Okay then, what's it measured in?"

"What?"

"You heard me. What's it measured in?" Weiss repeated. "All measurement systems require units of measurement. Length is measured in meters, sound in decibels, temperature in degrees—what's this system measured in?"

"B-Bang units," Blake stammered.

"Bang units?"

"Bang units."

"Bang units."

"Yes. Bang units."

"Units designed… for banging?"

"T-That's right, sister."

"Riiiiiight," Weiss said skeptically. "So tell me, Blake, since you are clearly a star pupil of Mr. John Q. Incest, what is the maximum amount of bang units you can get out of the Schnee family?"

"Oh, that?" Blake said nervously. "That's… that's _easy_. That's simple c-calculus…"

"So figure it out," Weiss demanded. Blake awkwardly scratched the back of her head, stumbling through her thoughts to try to find an answer. Yang and Ruby leaned in with great interest, and after a few minutes of fumbling around in the dark, Blake's eyes lit up and she snapped her fingers.

"Edging sex show!" she declared. Weiss cast her a confused glare, so the Faunus explained further. "You take your brother Whitley and you tie him to the bed, right? And then you, your mom and your sister all put on a lesbian sex show for him. Start with a striptease, maybe eat each other out a little, then go right into some hardcore BDSM. Hit every position you possibly can. Lots and lots of dirty talk. Talk about how you get your tight as pounded, and maybe lean into Atlas's authoritarianism as you fuck the ever-living shit out of each other. The key is that every now and then you include him on the fun, but never to the point where he climaxes. _You can't let him climax_. For like, at least six hours. Edge him like crazy. Literally have sex on top of him. And then eventually, once he's all built up, just let him, like, explode _everywhere _on your faces. Then make out _with his climax_. Boom. Perfect Schnee hotness."

Weiss's mouth hung open in shock. That answer: far too detailed. Way too detailed. So detailed that, if her life was an anime web series, she would fully expect someone to write an erotic fanfiction of that exact moment and publish it to several thousand views. A mild rage overtook her, and she was about to scream, when Yang suddenly popped off the couch, and excitedly rushed to Blake's side, wrapping an arm around her teammate's shoulder.

"Blake, you sold me!"

"Sold you?" Blake and Weiss asked in stunned unison.

"Yep," Yang nodded. "I'm officially pro-incest now."

Blake smiled warmly at her friend, mostly ignoring the smell coming from the hand wrapped around her.

Ruby looked at her sister in half-understanding surprise.

Weiss's head nearly exploded.

"_What?"_

"Yep, that was totally hot, so I'm all for it," Yang stated proudly. "Incest is cool now."

"See, I told you," Blake said encouragingly. "The bang units don't tell lies."

"There are no such things as bang units!" Weiss screamed. "This is so fucked up! How are you all not seeing this?"

"Look, Weiss, it's really simple," Yang explained simply. "There was a man—John Q. Incest—and he had a dream. A dream to measure the vast scope of human desires. This dream took him on a journey, not just a physical one, or a sexual one, but a _spiritual _one. One that tested the very mettle of the human species. And do you know what he found when he stared into the abyss, Weiss? Do you know what he discovered? He discovered _knowledge_, Weiss; the knowledge that you leaning over your brother and getting spit roasted by your mom and sister with their big futa dicks is _hot as fuck_."

"Exactly," Blake nodded. She stopped herself. "Wait, futa dicks—"

"The point is," Yang continued. "I'm all aboard the boning-your-blood train, and it's a ride that I don't think I'm ever going to get off. Plus, I can only imagine the crazy shit that Blake can calculate with me and my family."

"Oh, you and Ruby?" Blake asked with a knowing smirk. "With _both _your hot moms, _and _your dad, _and _all the fucked up abandonment complexes you have going on between the five of you? Yang, we could reach bang levels that John Q. Incest couldn't have even _fathomed_."

"Sweet!" Yang said gladly, clenching her fist. "Man, I was feeling kind of tired before, but now I'm all fired up. I think I'm going to head upstairs and rub one out if that's okay with all of you." Then, she said something that changed the entire complexion of the room. "Hey, Ruby, want to join?"

Ruby—poor, innocent Ruby—immediately jumped off of the floor and scurried frightfully away to the far corner of the room. "W-W-What!"

"Come on, I'm in an incest mood!" Yang stated, even Blake looked at her in delighted shock and Weiss began melting into a big pile on the ground. "You don't have to have sex with me or anything. We can just do some side-by-side sisterly diddling. It'll be fun."

"I-I-I-I don't k-know about that, Y-Yang," Ruby stammered nervously. She had plenty of sexual thoughts in her teenage years, many of which had been spilled before her team just mere hours beforehand. However, she had never been asked to have anything risqué actually _performed_, let alone by her own sister. Twelve hours ago, she could not have even imagined that happening. Then again, there were a lot of things that she could not have imagined twelve hours ago. She could not have imagined being separated from half of her teammates. She could not have imagined the revelations about the Two Brothers and their destruction of the previous race of humanity, or how Ozpin had lied to them about his relationship with Salem. She most definitely could not have imagined learning about the ever-increasing number of perversions shared by her teammates. But now, alone in this cabin in the middle of the woods, she was being given a sincere offer to have a fun time masturbation party with her sister, and the horrible truth was that she was not completely against it.

"Look, think of it like this," Yang said calmly. "The two morally worst parts of incest are abusive power dynamics and inbreeding, right? Well, we can't have children together because neither of us has a dick… right?"

Ruby shook her head. "Not this time."

"Right, so that's out the window," Yang continued. "And we're not in an abusive relationship at all. We are totally healthy!"

Weiss screamed from her new life as a crumpled heap on the rug. _"You won't be if you fucking do this!"_

Ruby nervously glanced away. "I… I don't know, Yang. Still seems kind of wrong."

"_Kind of!?"_

"Hey, think of this," Yang suggested. "We're only half-sisters, right? Therefore, it's only _half _morally unacceptable!"

"_That's not how morality works!"_

"Well… we _are_ only half-sisters," Ruby acknowledged, taking a step closer.

"Exactly," Yang smiled. "And we won't even be having actual sex. Just casual, solitary fingering... together."

"Right. Casual fingering," Ruby stated, gradually warming up to the idea. Yang held out her hand—the hand that had been in places no dared speak about—and Ruby cautiously reached out toward it. The more she thought about it, the less terrible it sounded. It wasn't like they were actually going to screw each other. At least that wasn't the plan. They were just going to hang out like half-sisters normally did. Only sexier. But even still, if one thing developed into another, and a certain line happened to get crossed, would that be the worst thing either? Ruby was eighteen. They were both consenting adults. They could do what they wanted. It was a free kingdom. And besides: she had to learn just how high the bang units could go.

It was when Ruby's fingers were about to touch Yang's that Weiss completely snapped. She had been watched in shock and horror for too long, but she realized that she had to take action. She didn't mind Blake having her weird fucked up mommy fantasies. Well, she did, but she could stomach those at the very least and push it behind her and try to accept it as her trying to spice up her sex life. But Yang and Ruby? That wasn't spicing up—that was dumping in the whole damn spice rack! There was not a chance in hell she was going to let them do that. Aside from the fact it was morally wrong no matter what percentage of blood the two shared, it was going to severely impact their mission and their relationships as a team. They would be super distracted during their battles with Grimm, and they would never be able to focus during strategy meetings, and of course, they would have to explain it to Nora and Ren and Jaune, and _that_ would be a nightmare in and of itself.

And of course, there was that _other _reason why Weiss didn't like the idea of Ruby sleeping around with other people.

But then, it hit her. That was it! The solution to her problem! Ruby was a horny little fuck puppet, desperate to get off at the slightest convenience, but if she was able to harness that mad horniness and direct at something else—or _someone _else—then she might have been able to save her from making the biggest mistake of her entire life. She was certain she could save her team if she just concentrated her efforts, and hey, what did she have to lose exactly? Nothing but a tiny bit of her pride… and all of her virginity.

Weiss sprung to her feet and pointed dramatically at Ruby. "Have sex with me instead!"

Ruby and Yang froze, their hands mere centimeters apart. Blake, though slightly saddened by the stoppage of likely incest, couldn't help but feel a thrilling rush as she realized what drama was about to play out in front of her.

"What?" Ruby asked, an intense blush coming over her.

"You heard me," Weiss declared. "I'm not going to let you sleep with Yang. If you want to get your rocks off, then let me be the one to do it. I'll screw you right there on that couch, right in front of everyone!" Weiss directed her pointed finger at the sofa, and the gaze of her teammates followed it.

Yang scowled. "Excuse me, Weiss, but Ruby and I already have plans. You can't just butt in and take her for yourself."

"Of course, I can! I have to," Weiss said nobly. "Ruby, I can give you anything you want. Any position. Any style. Fuck, you want to be dominated? You want to be abused? Well, I'll dominate you like my family abuses our Faunus laborers!"

"Faunus… laborers?" Ruby moaned excitedly, her knees beginning to wobble. Her mind raced far out of her control. Weiss Schnee actually coming onto her? It was like a dream. Not as good of a dream as it would be if it was Cinder, but pretty damn good regardless. Everyone had known that she maybe sort of had a massive crush on her snow-haired teammate. Why not take advantage of the offer while it lasted? Why not let _her _fantasies come true? The possibilities were endless. She took a step toward Weiss, but Yang suddenly snatched her wrist and pulled her back.

"No way," she stated angrily. "Ruby is _mine_. We are going to go upstairs, and we're going to masturbate, and then once she's in a position of emotional vulnerability, I'm going to pounce on her and ravage her like a wild animal. Reluctance is the key!"

"Wild… animal…" Ruby muttered, her head swimming. Blake casually distanced herself from her arguing team and sat on the lounge chair, grinning comfortably as she watched them grow more furious. The intense drama was somehow more exciting than any fantasy she or John Q. Incest could come up with, and she smiled with the knowledge that no matter what way things turned out, the Belladonna would come out on top—as long as she got to watch the result.

Weiss grabbed onto Ruby's other wrist and pulled her closer. "You want wild animals, Ruby? Well, don't forget that I can summon. Yeah, I'll get you any fucking wild animal you want! Grimm big and small. You want horse dick? You'll ride horse dick tonight, baby!"

"H-Horse dick…"

"Oh, please!" Yang shouted, dragging Ruby closer to her. "Why would she want one of your freaky ice summons when she can spend the night with a _real_ woman?"

Weiss tugged Ruby to her. "Real woman?"

Yang tugged her back. "Yeah, I fucking said it! Your chest is so small it doesn't even fucking exist! My boobs are awesome!"

"Your boobs are just big, saggy, fat flaps! Mine are cute and perky, and my nipples aren't the size of fucking dinner plates!"

"These nips are for loving, you cocksucking whore!"

"Funny you call me a whore when you always dress like a massive tramp!"

"Slut!"

"Cunt!"

Ruby was lost in a daze as she was constantly passed back and forth between Weiss and Yang. Her arms were sore from the constant tugging, and she desperately wanted to lie down, if not also to relieve the ridiculously intense sensation between her legs. She was a woman caught between two worlds. Fire and ice. Lust and love. Banging her sister and not banging her sister. It was so hard to choose! So hard to think! The best solution, of course, was to take both of them at once, but that wasn't an option given the circumstances. Instead, she was stuck in the middle, unable to free herself from the grasp of her two would-be lovers.

Suddenly, Weiss yanked on her extra hard, pulling her completely away from Yang's grasp. Before Ruby could react, Weiss pulled her close and forcefully kissed her, shoving her tongue inside Ruby's mouth before the young Huntress could even react. Blake cheered on from the background as Ruby melted into the kiss, her eyes glossing over as Weiss didn't even give her a chance to take control, tonguing her mouth so relentlessly that Ruby couldn't even breathe. Her mind went completely blank except for the taste of strawberries on Weiss's lips. Yang huffed, seething with rage, and her Semblance flared as she started to remove her jacket.

"Oh, that's the game you want to play?" she asked, ripping off her jacket and then tearing her shirt clean off her body. "Two can play at that." Completely topless, Yang yanked Ruby away from Weiss's grasp, and the heiress gasped in horror as Yang smothered her sister into her tits, making the tiny girl motorboat against her will. Not that Ruby was actually complaining. She was far too lust-drunk to even think, let alone complain. Her thoughts became nothing but Yang's boobs, her big, massive, gigantic, enormous, sensational, wonderful honkers, and she collapsed into them as her knees gave out, supported only by leaning deeper into her sister's chest.

Weiss, growling like a wild animal, reached for the clasp around her neck. "Fuck this shit! I'm not letting you take her, you psychotic motherfukcer!" Weiss stripped bare as Blake screeched like a wild fangirl. She got her clothes off faster than she ever had before, throwing away her sleeves, then her heels, then her stockings, and then just the rest of her dress into a big heap in Blake's lap. With nothing but her soaked blue lace panties covering her, she lunged forward and tackled Ruby onto the couch, knocking Yang away and pinning the object of her desires underneath her.

"I'm going to fuck you whether you like it or not, dammit!" she screamed violently.

"Apiabhrfbcacjeijrferhv," Ruby babbled in response.

"Whatever!"

Yet, before she could lean down and make out with Ruby again, Yang grabbed Weiss by the waist and threw her off to the side, working on getting herself out of her own pants.

"No! You are going to have sex with me!"

Yang freed herself from her pants and threw them into the pile of discarded clothes that was slowly burying Blake alive, but before she could act, Weiss jumped back on top of Ruby, covering the barely legal teen with her naked body.

"Back off!"

"You back off!"

"Yiaouierfieahfvrfbvuravruefunverfc," said Ruby.

"Shut it!" they both yelled at her, and they immediately went to work clawing at her, ripping off whatever articles of clothing from the young Huntress as they possible could grab. They didn't even care about what the other did anymore, nor did they care about morality or the bang unit system, nor did they care about Blake clapping and hooting and hollering from her excellent vantage point from the lounge chair. They were in heat, and they were going to release their frustrations whether Ruby was aware of it or not. They were going to have sex with this woman, dammit! They were going to have crazy, wild, bestial sex with Ruby Rose, and it was going to be fucking awesome, and there was not a single force on Remnant that could possibly stop them!

And then, the door to the house suddenly flew off its hinges and crashed to the floor. And from that door came barging into the room Salem, the Queen of Grimm, dressed in red and sporting a violent, sexy gleam in her red and black eyes.

"Team RWBY, I've found you at last!" she cried vengefully. "Prepare to meet your—"

And then she froze as she finally took in her surroundings. The girls were frozen as well, locked into their positions from the sheer shock of seeing their greatest enemy barge in through the front door. Salem examined them closely: Weiss and Yang in nothing but their underwear, the latter still with her combat boots, the silver-eyed Ruby half-dazed on the couch with her outfit in tatters, exposing most of her body, and Blake, consumed by a massive pile of her teammates' clothing, trying to release the belt of her own pants; and they all looked at Salem, who was not the creepy old witch they had seen in their vision at Haven, but this bizarrely attractive thing with flowing hair and beautiful skin in a red gown that barely contained her hotness.

And Salem looked at Team RWBY.

And Team RWBY looked at Salem.

And Salem looked at Team RWBY.

And Team RWBY looked at Salem.

And then Salem pursed her lips.

"I'm sorry, what the fuck is going on here?"


	4. Salem Fucks Up Everyone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, everyone. We want to say thank you for reading this... interesting story. The fact that people keep responding positively to this dumb work of art is astonishing, heartwarming, and honestly, a little bit disturbing. It's certainly made getting through finals week a hell of a lot easier, so thank you for that. We aren't planning on continuing this story for much longer; we'll probably stop at chapter six or seven, just because 1) we don't know how much longer we can push this joke, and 2) we want to get back to writing the RWBY fanfic that we ACTUALLY put a lot of time and effort into. Speaking of that (shameless plug), if you wouldn't mind giving that story a try, we'd appreciate that. It's a RWBY Vol. 1 rewrite that's dark and violent as fuck, and also way too goddamn long. You can find it on our profile page as literally the only other RWBY fic we've written. Just don't read the Chopped fanfiction. Please don't read the Chopped fanfiction.
> 
> Anyway, this is less of a strictly sex joke chapter and more of a plot-heavy (I guess) chapter, so enjoy what can technically be passed as storytelling.

Ruby was the first to speak up. "Sa… Salem?"

"Um, yes?" Salem said, awkwardly twiddling her thumbs. "You know, is this a bad time? Should I come back later?"

Ruby's daze broke completely. "_Get her!"_

Suddenly, Team RWBY sprang into action—or at least, they attempted to. Ruby stood up, pushing past her two friends trying to pin her to the couch, and she quickly removed the distraction that was her shredded dress and cape. Why she _also_ took off her underwear was anyone's mystery, though she did take her panties and ball them up into a big wad and chuck it as hard as she could at Salem's head in a desperate opening salvo. The Grimm Queen didn't even flinch when the ball bounced softly off her cheek, and mostly just stared in confusion at the naked silver-eyed warrior charging toward her with her arms raised above the air, letting out a tremendous battle cry. Weiss, without her sword by her side, shrugged and followed Ruby's lead, charging toward Salem with clenched fists. Blake _tried _to follow Ruby's lead, but when she tried to climb off the couch, her legs got caught beneath the gargantuan pile of her friends' clothing, and she ended up sprawling over the side of the chair, falling face-first to the floor as she slipped slowly out of her loosened pants, her exposed ass sticking straight up in the air.

And Yang? Yang just stood there, staring with saucer eyes at Salem's massive chest.

There was a lot of screaming and chaos that ensued, enough to finally drag Qrow away from the alcohol and into the living room to see what all the fuss was about. When he stepped inside, it took him a few moments in his drunken state to process everything, but eventually, he managed to take it all in. There was Salem—or some hot lady who closely resembled Salem—standing in the doorway, with his naked niece wrapped around her back trying to lock her in a chokehold while screaming like a maniac. With one hand Salem tried to rip the Huntress from her back, while her other hand was wrapped tightly around the throat of an almost naked Weiss, who half-looked like she was struggling to free herself but also had this lustful, pleased smile on her face as Salem's grip on her neck became more intense. Blake was still trying to wriggle herself free from her pants, her booty bouncing up and down as she tried to scooch free, and his _other_ nearly nude niece was slouched over and drooling over the woman his first nude niece was trying hard to murder.

He looked down at the bottle in his hand and sighed. "Man, what the hell do they put in this stuff?"

Weiss, still technically fighting back, reached forward and clawed at her assailant. Her fingers latched onto the first thing they could find, which just so happened to be the big, beautiful mounds that Yang was enraptured with, and in her struggle, she ended up pulling one of them free from the confines of the dress. Exposed to the cold air, her nipple stiffened as the boob bounced freely in the open air, causing Yang's tongue to hang out of her mouth as she let out a lustful moan. The wardrobe malfunction forced Salem to release a vicious growl.

"Okay, that's enough!" she cried. "Hands off the fucking merchandise!"

Pools of darkness suddenly spawned around her, and from them came swarms of blood-red tendrils that reached up and captured Ruby and Weiss effortlessly. The slimy round things tied up their arms, slipping their way around their thighs and their stomachs, crisscrossing around their breasts and tying them up into neat little packages which were quickly thrown against the ground. Blake finally managed to free herself from her bottoms, and she stood up just in time to get captured by the tendrils as well. And then, since she was in the mood, Salem flicked her wrist and captured Qrow in the tendrils too. She sighed as she adjusted her dress and looked around at the Huntsman and Huntresses struggling to free themselves. She had to be honest: She was expecting more of a fight. They were the infamous Team RWBY, the team that had survived countless encounters with her Grimm, the team that dominated during the Vytal Festival, the team that stopped her assault on Haven Academy. And yet when push came to shove, all they did was throw themselves at her like a bunch of naked baboons. It wasn't even remotely satisfying.

Salem glanced up toward Yang, and sneered at the last remaining human who could stop her. Yang, seemingly finally embracing the gravity of the situation, looked at the Grimm Queen in terror.

And then she kept looking at her.

And then she kept looking at her.

And then she kept looking at her.

And then Yang flashed a cocky grin and pointed two finger guns at Salem. "Hey, babe. How _you_ doing?"

Salem looked at Yang once.

Then she flicked her wrist, and Yang was knocked back and tied to the couch by a mass of tentacles. It was not nearly as fun as she thought it would be.

* * *

Emerald stumbled across Oscar as she was completing her sweep of the premises. He was sulking about one of the farmhouses when she captured him through the tried-and-tested method of threatening to shoot him with a gun if he didn't cooperate. Under normal circumstances, he may have fought back, but he was in a slightly dark and confusing place, so he didn't really bother. With him led back to the main house, Salem made quick work of tying him up as well, as she suddenly had six of her greatest enemies all bound in a line on the carpet before her. She strode confidently across the room, holding the Relic of Knowledge in her hands. Emerald stood in the back, thinking of two things. One was imagining what horrible things Salem was going to do to her hostages, and the second was how proud she was of her master's incredible bad bitch energy.

Qrow, still rather drunk but with enough wits about him to understand how fucked they were, muttered angrily. "I can't believe it. I leave you girls alone for ten minutes and this happens."

"Uncle Qrow, this wasn't our fault," Ruby tried to explain.

"You really couldn't resist having sex with each other?" Qrow said disappointedly. "Ruby, she's your sister. Show some restraint."

"Hey, she came onto me," Ruby protested.

"She's Yang. Of course, she'd come onto you," Qrow said dismissively. "She constantly makes terrible decisions; that's why you have to be the responsible one. Do you know how many times Raven tried to do weird sex things with me and I had to refuse? Every day. Even when we were _birds_. And don't even get me started on all the orgies she tried to start with Tai and Summer…"

Salem turned her attention to them, full of fury. "Silence! All of you!" The prisoners fell under her spell, and she gently brushed the back of her hand along the glistening metal of the Relic. She spoke in a soft yet hostile tone. "None of you are allowed to speak in my presence unless spoken to."

Yang grinned. "Yes, ma'am."

Weiss rolled her eyes. "Really, Yang? Are we still doing this?"

"Uh, yeah, Weiss, we're still doing this," Yang said smugly.

"Oh, you are just the—"

"Hey!" Salem screamed, throwing her arms up in the air. "What did I _literally _just say to you people?" The girls fell silent, and Salem took a deep breath to calm herself down. She continued, more relaxed than before. "You all must be so naïve to believe that you had any chance against me. The folly of humanity is thinking that your actions were truly meaningful. Your victories up until this point have done nothing more than delay the inevitable, and now I am on the one in possession of one of the most powerful items ever created… as well as the silver-eyed maiden."

Ruby gulped as Salem kneeled down before her, gently stroking her cheek. "You… you won't get away with this," she said, though everyone could hear the weakness in her voice.

"Oh, child, I already have," Salem boasted. "The Relic of Knowledge is in now in my grasp, and plans are already underway to obtain the others. No one—not even that fool Ironwood—will be able to stop me. Victory is all but assured."

"What are you planning to do?" Blake asked. Salem stood back up and walked over to the other girl. A Faunus. How cute.

"Once all the Relics are united," Salem explained. "The Gods of this world will finally return. Once they see that humanity has not been able to settle their differences, they will trigger a cataclysmic event that will permanently wipe all life off this planet, just as they did before. At last, the hour of humanity will come to an end, and I will finally be free of their pathetic existence. But of course, Gods, Relics, cataclysms… you all have no idea what I'm talking about. I have lived beyond any of you, and you could not even begin to imagine the history of this world. The lies you have been told by the history books, they were—"

"Oh, we know," Ruby said quickly.

Salem looked at her in shock. "Pardon?"

"Yeah, we… we asked the Relic," Ruby said sheepishly. "We know everything: you being immortal, the Two Brothers destroying all life and blowing up the moon, you falling into a big Grimm pit. We know all of it."

Salem fidgeted awkwardly on her heels. "Oh. That's convenient."

"Yep," Ruby agreed.

"I mean, I was going to do a whole big spiel about how much more I knew than you, and how dumb you were. But if you know then… cool, I guess?"

"I guess," Ruby shrugged.

Salem raised a finger. "But did you know that Ozpin and I were actually—"

"Lovers? Oh yeah," Weiss said irritably. "We know. We saw your kids."

"Wow, okay," Salem said reluctantly. "Kind of killed the tension there."

"I mean, we're still naked and tied up," Weiss stated, "so there can be as much tension as you want there to be."

"Sure, sure," Salem nodded. "Hey, quick question. When you were shown all of this stuff about me and Ozpin, you weren't shown… _how_ the children were made, were you?"

Weiss cringed. "You're asking us if we saw you and Ozpin having sex?"

"I wouldn't put it like _that_," said Salem, "but yes."

"No."

She breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank goodness. That would have been rather awkward. Not to get too graphic, but some of the things we did in that bedroom were… well, they should probably be outlawed."

"Good to know."

"Just _crazy _shit."

"We got the point."

"Like, you can't even _dream_ of how fucked up it was."

"I'm starting to."

"No, you aren't," Salem said confidently. "Seriously, you can't picture it. The human mind cannot imagine the depths of our depravity."

"Well, before today I probably couldn't," Weiss groaned. "After these past few hours, I don't think I can be shocked anymore."

"If you say so," Salem dismissed her. "Speaking of Ozpin, where is that bastard? I know that he reincarnated and that he was traveling with you, and I have special plans in store for him. Tell me where he is."

A dead silence fell over the room, and then slowly, Oscar spoke up. "Um… he's me."

Salem's gaze fell onto the young farm boy at the end of the lineup, and a distasteful grimace appeared on her face. "You?"

"Yes," he admitted. "My name is Oscar Pine. I'm Ozpin's next reincarnation."

Salem walked to him and stared down at him. There was something troubled running through her thoughts, but he could not detect what it was. She just continued to stare evilly at him, observing him very carefully with this disgusted—no, a _disappointed_ look on her face. She crossed her arms and tapped her foot, casting an occasional look to Emerald as she thought of what to do. Eventually, she asked one simple question. "How… _old _are you, exactly?"

"I'm… fifteen," he replied nervously. Salem clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth.

"Fifteen," she said, annoyed. "That's a bit of a problem."

"Problem?" he asked. "Why is it—"

"Hold on a second," Salem she said hurriedly. "Emerald, we need to talk for a second." Emerald didn't understand what her master's concerns were, but when Salem gave an order, one would be wise not to ignore it. Salem took her by the arm and led her into the kitchen, away from the ears of her captives. She placed Emerald down on a stool by the bar, and brought her hands to her chin, palms clasped together. She took a deep breath in through the nose and out through the mouth. "I need your opinion on something."

"What's wrong?" asked Emerald.

"Okay, you are a wise person, and so I need you to answer this philosophical question for me," Salem said carefully. "Is it—and make sure you give your honest answer!"

"I will! Just spit it out."

Salem opened her mouth and paused for a moment, making sure her phrasing was as clear and concise as she could manage. "Is it still pedophilia if the kid you're fucking is dead?"

Emerald opened her mouth. Then she closed her mouth. Emerald raised a finger. Then she lowered her finger. Then she opened her mouth again, then closed it, then gave up.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Is it still pedophilia if—"

"No no no no no. Don't repeat it," Emerald instructed. "Just… _what_?"

"Okay, so I'm not saying having sex with children is right or anything," Salem reasoned. "But the whole reason it's bad is that they can't consent, right? Like, they don't have developed brains to consent. But if I'm fucking their _corpse_, then that wouldn't be a problem anyway, right? Like, is it really _that much more _immoral than having sex with an adult human's corpse? I don't think so. I think you can make an argument that it's acceptable, or at least, equally as unacceptable as having sex with a normal corpse. But not worse. If I was going to do it anyway, I could manage it. I mean, who would judge me anyway? I'm me! What, are you going to blink past all the genocide but get worked up over this? Bullshit. It could pass. Maybe. I don't know. What do you think?"

Emerald didn't think. She didn't think for a long time. Thinking would have required accepting the things she just heard, and to be honest, she wasn't in the mood for that shit. She just sat there on the stool, not thinking, as Salem grew more and more impatient, and in her impatience, tried rationalizing having sex with Oscar's corpse more and more and more until finally, Emerald had to stand up and put a hand on Salem's exposed shoulder, her face dead.

"Bitch… _stop_."

"Huh?"

"Just… just stop," Emerald said dully. "That was literally… the _worst _thing I've ever heard. Like… _holy fuck_, that was bad. So goddamn terrible. Maybe the worst sentence ever spoken in all of history. I just… I just can't."

"I mean, it was just a thought," Salem said sadly.

"No, no. We're done. You're not going to have sex with a kid. You're not going to have sex with a corpse. I don't care whose corpse it is. We ain't doing that shit."

"B-But—"

"No buts," Emerald said sternly. "I don't care how much you hate Ozpin. You are not doing that gross shit. Got it?"

Salem pouted. "Fine. No corpse sex."

"And I'm dead serious about that," Emerald stated. "This isn't going to be one of those instances where we repeatedly say we aren't going to have sex with that kid's corpse, and then we smash cut to you having sex with that kid's corpse. We aren't doing that shit."

"Okay."

"Literally. Not happening."

"I got it."

"I just want to be perfectly clear. I don't want anybody to have that expectation that's going to happen, because _seriously_, it won't."

"It won't happen."

"Correct."

"No underage shenanigans."

"Nope."

"No dead bodies."

"Exactly."

Salem paused for a moment. "Is torture and murder still on the table?"

"Of course, it is," Emerald smirked. Salem hissed enthusiastically.

"_Yes. _Bad bitch!"

"Bad bitch."

While Salem and Emerald were busy discussing their awful moral quandaries, Ruby was hatching a scheme of her own. She stared across the room at the Relic, which Salem had dumped carelessly on the floor when she left to go talk to Emerald. That as their ticket out of there. If she could somehow grab it and summon Jinn, time would come to a halt, and she and the others would be able to free themselves. That was the idea, anyway. How were they going to get to the Relic? She didn't know. How were they going to get out of their tentacle chains? She didn't know. Where were they going to go once they left the house? She didn't know. In fact, the more she thought about it, the more the plan seemed to be rather haphazardly pieced together, and in all likelihood, it was going to fail completely. However, it wasn't like they had many other options, and what did they have to lose?

"Weiss," Ruby whispered, "do you think you can summon something that can cut us free and won't draw any attention?"

"I can make a mini-Arma Gigas," Weiss said, catching on quickly.

"Perfect" Ruby said eagerly. "Blake, I'm going to need you to distract her. While you do that, Weiss can cut my bounds, and then I'll use my speed semblance to grab the Relic before she can stop me."

"Me?" Blake asked uncomfortably. "Why me?"

"Because if I distract her, she might get bored and slash my eyes out," Ruby explained. "Weiss can't distract her because she needs to focus on freeing us, Uncle Qrow is still drunk, Oscar might trigger her rage issues and Yang is… well…"

"I'll try to fuck her," Yang said boldly.

"Right, she'll do that," Ruby said rolling her eyes. "You can sweet talk her using your overly-verbose prose."

"Wait, my prose isn't overly verbose," Blake said defensively. "I thought you said you liked my writing."

"Well…"

Yang called to her from the other side of the lineup. "I thought the sex scene with your mom was perfectly paced."

"Thank you, Yang," Blake said. "I can always count on you."

"I can always count on you, too," Yang said sweetly.

"Aww," Blake sighed. "You're the best."

"No, _you're _the best."

"Bumblebee for life."

"Bumblebee for life."

Weiss growled. "Hey, shush it, dykes! She's coming back."

The team fell silent as Salem returned, Emerald strutting in tow. Salem pinched her fingers to the bridge of her nose as she stood before them, sighing disappointedly. While she was preparing to speak, Weiss gently turned her wrist, and a tiny knight made of pure ice appeared behind her, hidden from view. It snuck around the girls' backs and came to Ruby, where it began sawing away at the inky tendrils with its comparatively oversized sword.

"Okay, so there has been a slight change of plans," Salem announced. "I was originally going to start by killing Ozpin and then doing… _things _to his body, but it looks like that isn't happening now. Instead, I think I'm just going to start by cutting out the red one's eyes and then murdering each of you one-by-one in front of her. That'll probably be the most horrifying."

"J-Just murder us?" Yang asked, her fake anxiety giving way to a tiny glimmer of excitement. "A-Are you sure you aren't going to do anything _else _to us? I-I mean, w-we are all _naked_ and _sexy_."

"You see, I was contemplating that," Salem admitted. "I mean, wouldn't it be so _evil _to take Ozpin's star pupils and absolutely _ravage_ them senseless? Just smush them against my hot body and force them to pleasure me in all manner of sinful ways? Sit on their faces as I force them to unwillingly climax over and over again? Maybe make them all reluctantly have sex with each other, too? It would be the hottest thing in the world."

Yang did not respond as her brain literally exploded from the sexiness.

"But then," Salem continued, not noticing the captives girls blushing furiously and trying to hide their arousal, "not being able to screw Ozpin's dead body really put a damper on my libido, you know? I mean, I guess I could let the tentacles fuck you senseless, but would that really bring me any satisfaction?"

"Of course, it would bring you satisfaction," Yang said encouragingly, ignoring the frustrated—in more ways than one—stares of her teammates. "It would probably bring you _tons _of satisfaction if you especially did that thing where you fucked me in the ass so deep with a tentacle that it traveled all the way through my entire body and came out of my mouth, spurting hot cum everywhere as my whole being became one with it. That would be _so terrible_; please don't do it, Mistress Salem."

Salem placed her hands on her hips. "All right, first of all, I am ninety percent confident that's not physically possible in real life. Hentai? Maybe. Here? No. You would just _obliterate _your digestive tract. Fuck that shit all up. And second, I really think I'm going to go with my idea about the whole stab-the-red-one-in-her-silver-eyes plan. Good? Good." Salem slowly lifted her hand, and another black pool spawned in front of Ruby, this one protruding a sharp claw that slowly approached the young woman's face. She shut her eyes in fear, but before Salem could commit the act, Blake suddenly spoke up.

"Wait!" she cried. "Before you do that, can I ask you something?"

"Oh, for the love of—what do you want?" Salem moaned.

"I just want to know before I die… how did the Faunus come to be?" Blake asked desperately. "The Relic didn't tell us, but you've lived for an eternity. Surely, you have to know how my people came to exist?"

Salem scratched her chin uneasily. "Um… okay. If you want to know. Do you see those cat ears on your head?"

"Yes," Blake nodded.

"Great," said Salem. "Your ancestor fucked a cat."

Blake looked at her, her face slowly morphing from faux-panic to legitimate confusion.

"Wait? They—"

"Your ancestor—probably a lady—fucked a cat. Then a Faunus popped out," Salem said matter-of-factly. Blake was baffled.

"You can't be—"

"Serious? Dead serious," Salem said again. "Must have been rough, too. Do you know what a cat's penis looks like? It's covered in barbs. That must have really hurt when your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother took a barbed dick in her twat. Sorry."

Blake said nothing after that point, her eyes going wide and blurry as the abyss of untold and unwanted knowledge took hold of her. Her teammates said nothing. Really, that was for the best. With her distraction removed, Salem turned back to Ruby, and readied the claw.

"Now then, where was I—"

Suddenly, the tentacles holding Ruby down snapped like twigs, and like a rocket Ruby launched forward, knocking Salem over in a blur of red. Emerald tried to shoot her, down but her target was too quick, and within a matter of moments, Ruby had snatched the lamp off the ground and had climbed up on top of the lounge chair, perching atop the structure as she held the lamp close to her bare chest. Salem couldn't recover in time to stop her, knowing what would come next.

"Jinn! Help us!"

"No, wait!" Salem cried, but as she reached out her hand, the lamp came to life, violently trembling in Ruby's arms and emitting a vibrant blue. The crackling of the fireplace stopped and even the snowstorm outside slowed and stilled as the world paused around them, and the occupants of the room watched in horror and amazement as smoke filled the room, and soon, a massive presence made herself known. She stretched out in the open space, finding it difficult to maneuver in the tight farmhouse, but she still smiled as brightly as ever as she fully came into being. Beautiful, blue and wise, dressed only in cold accessories that dangled freely from her perfectly toned body, she was the being that all others aspired to be. Her face was inches from Ruby's as she let out a satisfied yawn.

"Ah, Ruby Rose," she said with a smirk. "Come to claim more knowledge already?"

"Not necessarily," Ruby stammered, fuming in the presence of such a perfect thing. Jinn traced her gaze down Ruby's body, and the Huntress embarrassingly moved to cover herself as the magical entity chuckled.

"Oh, don't worry. As you can see, I'm not very judgmental," Jinn said charmingly. "What is it that you want?"

Jinn's smile was pure. It only made Ruby's heart flutter faster. She was about to answer when she realized something terribly wrong. Looking past Jinn's shoulder, she saw that everyone else was unfrozen—including Salem and Emerald. She was a fool. A fool! She should have drawn her enemies away from the Relic before activating it. Now, she had no idea how they were going to get away. She could maybe try to find her weapon, but that wouldn't do any good against a foe like Salem. She was too strong, too quick, too smart. They were practically doomed. The death of Team RWBY, and by proxy, the rest of the world, was imminent.

Noticing the panic on her treasured young summoner's face, Jinn looked around the room. She noticed first that the other girls were all wearing less clothing than before. She didn't question it. Then she noticed the old woman had vanished. She didn't question. But then lastly, she noticed the stunning woman with white skin and flowing hair and a red dress that clung tightly to a tighter body, and then she noticed that woman's fearful expression.

Then Salem looked back at Jinn.

Then Jinn looked back at Salem.

Then, she sighed, all of the joy sapped away from her. "Oh… _hi_,_ Salem_. I didn't expect to see you here."

Salem's fear gave way to anguish, and she sighed much the same. "Hi, Jinn. It's been a while."

Then Team RWBY looked at Jinn, and then at Salem, and then at Jinn, and then at Salem, and then Emerald joined the looking, and then everyone looked at everyone, and then Weiss finally said what they had all been thinking. "Excuse me, does someone want to tell me what the fuck is going on anymore?"

Salem, with nowhere left to run and nowhere left to hide, shook her head and motioned to the giant, blue, naked woman. "Team RWBY, Qrow, Emerald, Ozpin's host… this is Jinn. She's my ex-girlfriend."


	5. The Hate Circle

Ruby called it a Hate Circle.

Yang wanted to call it a nudity circle, but Ruby didn't think that was a very accurate label. Most of them were still wearing some form of clothes. Was she? No. But Yang had her boots, and Weiss her underwear, and Blake—well, she had taken off her jacket and her pants had been lost somewhere in the ether in the big pile on the chair, but aside from that, she was pretty clothed as well. Jinn wasn't, though considering her status as an unanatomically correct supernatural being, Ruby did not believe it counted, and Salem and Emerald hadn't taken off any of their clothes. Yet.

A Hate Circle was a far more appropriate term. Watching Salem and Jinn was enough evidence of that. Ruby had made the shocking discovery that Grimm could get drunk, or could at least make an attempt, since Salem was guzzling down a bottle of vodka like her life depended on it. Jinn, who had shrunken herself down to the size of a regular person to fit more comfortably inside the room, was sitting by the fireplace, arms crossed and shooting daggers through the head of her ex-girlfriend. Qrow, knowing better than to stay around angry lovers, took Oscar out of the room and to another house, and Salem wasn't in the mood to do anything to stop their escape. Same with the rest of Team RWBY, which was why they could sit comfortably out of their binds as they watched Salem ramble on and on.

"You know something," the Grimm Queen muttered. "That's probably not even real gold around your waist. You never got it appraised. It's probably some cheap shit the Gods made up to make you feel pretty."

"You want to talk about cheap shit?" Jinn sneered. "Look at what you are wearing. Is this what the proud and mighty Salem has been reduced to? You look like an inner-city hooker that gives anal for five dollars."

"Hey, I am a bad bitch!" Salem growled, taking a heavy swig of vodka. "I work this getup, so don't be jelly of my style. And if you want to talk about looking like a hooker, look in a mirror."

Jinn rolled her eyes. "For the thousandth time, I don't. Have. Genitalia. There is no reason I have to wear clothes."

"Sure there is," Salem stated. "It's called, 'Not looking like a fucking whore.' Seriously, you can't walk around as a giant naked blue lady with your tits hanging out. It's indecent. If the neighbors saw us…"

"We don't have any neighbors!" Jinn groaned. "We live in a castle in the middle of a wasteland! No one lives anywhere close to us!"

"The Grimm can see!"

"They're Grimm! Dumb fucking Grimm!"

"They can still judge!"

Ruby tepidly coughed, finding enough of a break in the arguing to draw the attention of the two ancient beings. "I'm sorry," she began, "but I'm very confused. Salem, you and Jinn used to date each other?"

"Ugh. Yes, unfortunately," Salem moaned. "It was a long time ago. A _very _long time ago. I met her during one of my campaigns against Ozpin. He was trying to transport the Relic of Knowledge from Vale to Vacuo. This is before he started making Vaults like he was starting up a banking company. Anyway, I ambushed the caravan his followers were using, and I claimed the Relic after slaughtering all of his forces with Grimm. I didn't really know what I was going to do with the Relic at the time, or even how to operate it, but I knew that if Ozpin wanted me not to have it, then I wanted it."

"That sounds petty," Weiss noted.

"Child, have you _met_ me?"

"But hold on," said Blake. "If you didn't know how to operate the Relic, how did you summon her?"

"Oh, that?" Salem said casually. "After my victory, I returned to my castle and decided to host a little celebration with my Grimm. I didn't have many followers at the time, so it was sort of a pity party, now that I think about it. I don't really remember all the details, but I remember that I was having a victory dance with the Relic, and I got really thirsty, and I said out loud, 'Boy, I could really go for some _gin_.' And then suddenly, time froze and this blue lady popped out of the lamp."

Jinn nodded, smiling as she reminisced on the occasion. "I had been trapped in the lamp for a long time at that point, so you can imagine how wonderful it was when my first sight in hundreds of years was the face of this beautiful woman. The surprised look she gave when she saw me was adorable. When I explained the rules of the lamp to her, the very first question she asked me was if I wanted to go on a date with her."

"Awww," Yang fawned. "Salem, that's so sweet. I didn't know you were such a ladykiller."

"Yes," Salem agreed. "I have killed _tens of thousands _of women."

"That's not what I—"

"I have murdered _so many _people."

"Anyway," Ruby said quickly. "What was it like dating someone like Salem?"

Jinn opened her mouth, but before she could answer, Salem snapped to attention. "Don't answer that!" The genie pursed her lips and shook her head, while Team RWBY and Emerald just looked on, confused.

"What's wrong?" Blake asked.

Salem snapped again. "Don't answer that either, you blue bitch!"

Weiss narrowed her gaze. "Hey, that's no way to talk to someone."

"I completely agree!" Salem said with a cruel chuckle. "But then again, you can't exactly _talk _to Jinn like a normal person."

"Oh, will you shut up?" Jinn said, irritated. "I'm right here."

"Okay, what is going on?" Ruby asked, concerned. Before Jinn could even contemplate answering, Salem sat up on the couch, leaning forward with her arms pressed straight against the cushions behind her. Her white hair fell into her face as she sighed and finished off the vodka bottle, throwing the empty glass to the side to let it shatter against the nearby wall.

"Here's the deal," Salem stated. "When we started dating, everything was great. We spent some romantic evenings together, took strolls around the wasteland, cracked jokes and sang and danced together. She was even surprisingly great in bed for someone with no vagina. But you see—"

Yang interrupted her, smirking sinfully. "Don't you mean… va-_Jinn_-a?"

Salem stared at Yang with a blank expression for a long moment and then she scowled. "Fuck you."

"Sorry. Couldn't help it."

"As I was saying," Salem continued. "It was all going great for a little while. But you see, here's the problem with dating a magical being confined to a set of rules. You can't violate those rules, and that means that whenever Jinn is asked three questions that result in the asker gaining knowledge, she is forced back into the lamp for a _hundred years_. And let me tell you something: You don't realize just how many questions you ask on a day-to-day basis until you suddenly can't. I mean, you can't ask her _anything_. How is your day going? Nope. Do you want to see a movie later? Nope. What time is it? _Nope_. Even really small shit has to be worded extremely carefully, or else this overly literal cunt will fuck you up the ass. Like, do you know what happens if you ask her, 'Can you pass the salt?' Do you think she actually _hands_ you the salt? Of course, not! She'll reply, 'Yes, I _can _pass the salt,' and then guess what? You're down one question, and your pot-roast is still bland as fuck! It's unbelievable! Do you have any idea how long I slaved over that fucking pot-roast?" Jinn opened her mouth, but Salem pointed a finger at her. "That was a rhetorical question!"

Jinn huffed. "Oh, please, it's not nearly as bad as your making it out to be. And besides, I didn't make the rules. You can't be mad at me for some biological function completely out of my control."

"Sure, I can," Salem claimed. "People get mad at women when they are on their periods. I don't see how this is any different."

"What are you talking about?" Jinn cried. "That is a massive false equivalence."

"No it isn't!"

"Really?" Jinn asked. "You want to argue with _me _about whether or not something is correct?"

"Oh, here we fucking go," Salem moaned, throwing herself back onto the couch. "Listen up girls, because I'm about to spill some goddamn tea up in here."

"Hey, calm down," Emerald said, trying to ease the tensions, but Salem had fully entered bad bitch mode, and there was no more escaping her wrath.

"See, I could handle the questions," Salem stated. "I accidentally sent her back into the lamp a few times, but I always waited for her. I never cheated and never went astray, and yeah, I had to wait a hundred years to bring her back, but I always was there for her. The _real _problem is that she's an egotistical know-it-all! Every single day, she does nothing but correct you on the tiniest details. Every. Single. Day. She always acts so superior because she knows everything in the universe, so _she _has to be the one to make all the decisions. You can't plan anything out ahead of time without her trying to change things. It's so fucking irritating. Oh, and you know what else? It turns out you can't hide anything from her, because your own _thoughts_ count as knowledge, so she literally knows everything you've ever thought. So, she'll correct you on some stupid fucking thing, and then she'll ask you if you're bothered by it, and you—trying to be a good girlfriend—tell her you aren't to protect her feelings, but then she just corrects you on that, too! Like, if you already know that I'm bothered by it, don't fucking ask me if I'm bothered by it! That's not so fucking hard."

Jinn stood up, entering the middle of the circle. "Wow. Fantastic story, Salem. I'm glad to see that after all these centuries, you still can't help but leave out the important details."

Salem shoved her face into the couch cushions and screamed.

"So, kids, do you want to know the actual reasons I broke up with Salem?" Jinn asked with vengeful glee. "I'll give you this knowledge free of charge."

Blake, unable to resist the juiciest of gossip, leaned forward eagerly. "Yes, ma'am!"

"Okay. Here's the real reason: she's _obsessive_," Jinn stated with disdain. "She calls me egotistical, but she doesn't care about anyone's needs other than her own. I spent eighty-three years with Salem—not counting the time in the lamp—and you know how much of that she spent in her little chapel plotting against humanity? Seventy point zero one three three eight percent of it. That, by the way, is a fact. All she did was think of schemes to stop Ozpin. That's all it ever was to her. Ozpin Ozpin Ozpin! She couldn't get the man out of her head. It was lunacy. Complete and utter lunacy."

"You know, she's kind of still like that," Emerald confessed reluctantly. "I'm working for her now, and she still does a lot of planning to destroy Ozpin. I've been trying to ween her off it over the last day."

Salem picked her head off the couch and snipped at Emerald. "She already knows that, Em. She knows everything that's ever happened. The only reason she isn't bragging about it is that she's trying to gain sympathy."

Jinn cocked her head to the side. "Oh, look everyone. Salem is projecting. Again."

"Projecting schmojecting," Salem hissed. "Hey, Jinn, here's a question for you. What am I going to do in five seconds?"

Jinn groaned. Technically speaking, she did not have to answer that. She was only bound by the Law of the Gods to answer questions that provided direct knowledge, and Salem had actually given her a request to perform a specific action, which was to guess her next move. She didn't really want to say anything more to that woeful woman, but there were people watching her, and it wouldn't count as something that would send her back into her lamp, so she disappointedly answered. "You know very well that I cannot tell you of events that have yet to occur. However, I do know that for the past fifteen seconds, you have been thinking of flipping me off—"

Salem stuck up both her middle fingers and sneered. _"You're goddamn right."_

"Good Lord, you're a child," Jinn wallowed. She turned back to the girls. "Here's another thing she likes to do. My purpose was to serve humanity, and so I never willingly gave information about how to defeat Ozpin to her, right? Well, she couldn't ask me point blank because that would use up my questions, but she still wanted me to help her. So, every day she would try to manipulate me into giving up information about humanity so that she could destroy them. It was so deceitful, and it wasn't like I didn't know about her little schemes. I know everything, but she would still try to lie to me anyway. How am I supposed to build a relationship if I'm dating someone who doesn't respect me?"

"I respected you more than anyone ever could," Salem said, rising to her feet as well and menacingly taking a step toward the center of the circle.

"Bull to the shit!" Jinn cried. "You just wanted me as your slave, like everyone else!"

"You dumped me like pile of bricks!" shouted Salem. "After so much time together, you could have let me down easy. We could have kept it friendly, but you burned that bridge like all the rest."

"_I _burned that bridge? The second I broke up with you, you used all three questions to force me to retell you about all the fucked up sex stuff you made me do for you. And then, once that was done, you threw my lamp in the middle of the motherfucking ocean!"

"You loved that sex stuff and you deserved what you got! Be happy! At least the dolphins would listen to you talk about how great you are!"

"You are a miserable cunt."

"_You're _a miserable cunt."

"No, you are."

"You are."

"You are!"

"You are!"

As the two ancient women descended into madness and bickering, Yang quietly turned to the rest of her teammates and sighed awkwardly. "Hey, girls, can I say something really quick?"

They turned their full attention to her as the fighting continued. It probably should have been even more awkward considering that she couldn't stop staring at their various states of undress, but somehow, that wasn't really a thought on her mind. She was concerned with something she considered far more pressing, and her sister noticed her unease and placed a comforting hand on her bare shoulder.

"Yang, what's the matter?"

"It's just… I've been thinking a lot," Yang said humbly. "Like… today has been really fucking weird, hasn't it?"

"You can say that again," Weiss shuddered, pulling her knees in close to her chest. "I mean, first we were assaulted by Grimm on the train to Argus, then we got separated from the others, then we learned the origin of the entire human species, then all of our fetishes got revealed to each other, then Blake tried to tell us her fantasy of fucking her mom, then you and I tried to bang Ruby, and then we were kidnapped by Salem who's now sort of hot—"

"Wait, hold on a second," Emerald said sternly. "Yang, you tried to have sex with your own sister?"

Blake shrugged her off. "It was a whole thing. Pretty hot, to be honest. Just ignore it though."

"_I don't care how sexy you look in that dress. You still suck, cunt!" _shouted Jinn.

"_And just because you've stayed in incredible shape despite being stuck in that lamp doesn't mean you don't have the personality of a pit viper, you cunt!" _Salem shouted back.

"What I was getting at," Yang picked up where she left off, "is that despite whatever has happened today, I hope we don't let it, you know, contaminate us."

"What do you mean?" Blake asked.

Yang fidgeted uncomfortably. "Well, I don't want the rest of our journey to Atlas to just be one big sex adventure. Like, fantasizing about Salem and trying to have sex with Ruby is fun and all, but I want to move past that and pay attention to the things that actually matter."

"I'm with Yang," Ruby nodded. "The reason we became Huntresses wasn't to get laid. It was to stop the Grimm and help people. We don't want to just become a bunch of horndogs."

"Exactly," Weiss agreed. "I've been saying that from the start. It's perfectly fine for us to have our urges. It's part of being human. But it can't become a burden for the rest of our team. We need to put aside our lust and focus on what's important for the good of the world."

"Yeah," Blake said as she reflected back on their long day. "I've got to refocus. The most important thing to me isn't tonguing my mom's ass. It's helping build a world where humans and Faunus are treated as equals. I want us all to be able to live together in peace. I can't help any Faunus by screwing my parents, regardless of how insanely hot it would be."

"_You think just because you have perfect tits and a great ass you can get away with whatever you want? Huh, cunt?" _said Jinn.

"_Oh, don't even pretend that you've always been attracted to me, cunt," _Salem hissed.

Ruby smiled proudly. "You know, Yang, I think that's really mature of you to put your own desires aside to help people."

"Thanks, Ruby," Yang said warmly. "You're the best sister a girl could ask for—in a non-incest way, of course."

"_Are you kidding? I've always been attracted to you. You're the sexiest woman on the planet, and that's a fact. And now, in that dress, in those heels, you're somehow even hotter than you were all those centuries ago! Cunt!"_

"_Well, I can't even compare to you! You were designed by the Gods to have the body of a perfect woman. I could bury myself in your ass for days… cunt!"_

"_Do you really mean that?"_

"_I sure do!"_

"You know," said Emerald. "Hanging out with you these past few minutes, having to give Salem a sexy makeover, it's really made me think about why we're even hating each other in the first place. You're all cool people. I mean, except for the weird kinks."

"Yeah," Ruby agreed. "I mean, the only reason we ended up fighting was because of Cinder, and I don't even know what happened to her."

"I know she's alive somewhere," Emerald stated. "I hope she's doing well. Don't tell anyone about this, but I sort of have this big crush on her."

"Really? That's crazy," laughed Ruby. "So do I."

"Because she's so hot, right?"

"Right!"

"_I hate your stupid, perfect lips."_

"_I hate your gorgeous red eyes..."_

"_I hate your creamy blue skin…"_

"Man, we have good taste in women," Emerald smirked. "I'm not even mad at you."

"Hey, just don't tell her, okay?" Ruby said earnestly. "It would be very awkward the next time we fight."

"Oh, don't worry," Emerald said passively. "I think we can agree that whatever happens in Brunswick Farms stays in Brunswick Farms."

"Right," agreed Yang. "Nothing leaves this farmhouse."

"Right," said Ruby. "Nothing."

"Nothing," said Weiss.

"Nothing," said Blake.

"Nothing," they all said together.

With that settled, they turned back to the center of the circle, where Salem and Jinn had been arguing so intensely that they were now only inches apart as they screamed their head's off.

"You're an abomination to humanity," Jinn said, biting her bottom lip.

"You never should have been created," Salem muttered, eyes running up and down Jinn's figure.

"You're a disgusting, spiteful thing," Jinn countered, licking her lips.

"I should have left you at the bottom of the ocean," Salem purred.

"Maybe you should have," Jinn moaned. "It's rather wet down there."

"I can think of something else that's wet," Salem cooed. They deeply into each other's eyes for a long moment, stepping even closer together until their chests were pushed up against each other's and they could caress the bare skin on the other's arms. The girls watching them very quickly realized what was happening, but not quickly enough to stop it.

"So," Jinn hissed, "do you want to take that dress off?"

Salem, with a confident smirk, grabbed onto the fabric by her tits, and with one sharp tear, ripped the dress completely off her body, exposing her bare body to the winter air, leaving herself in nothing but her stiletto heels. "Bitch, you already _know _the answer to that question."

Jinn lunged forward, grabbing onto Salem as tackling her onto the couch, desperately making out with her ex-girlfriend. The girls watched from the sidelines as Salem, pinned down to the cushions, wrapped her legs around Jinn's waist, tight like a bow, as their tongues battled furiously, the sounds of their intense make out mixed into their sultry moans. The two were lost grinding against each other, Salem rubbing her sex into Jinn's lack thereof, but the genie moaned passionately all the same. Jinn hurriedly started playing with Salem's perfect tits, running her hands across the mounds and squeezing them and molding them to her own desires. Salem's tongue went out of control, and it left the warm confines of the inside of Jinn's teeth as it trailed down her jaw, then her throat before Salem latched onto the space by Jinn's collarbone and began to suck on it deeply.

"Oh, I hate your fucking guts," Jinn gasped as Salem bit hard into her skin. "You are such a fucking monster."

"You're such a disgusting waste of space," Salem said breathlessly, reaching her hands down and grabbing two thick handfuls of Jinn's firm ass. "I'm going to wipe you off this planet with the rest of these miserable humans."

"Oh, you're such a naughty girl," Jinn sighed. "You need to be punished."

"Oh, punish me, Jinn! Please!" Salem cried. She turned beneath Jinn and got on all fours, and Jinn crawled over her, almost mounting her so that their upper bodies were pressed firmly into one shape. Jinn buried her tongue into the crease of Salem's neck as one hand continued playing with her tits, and another reached around to give her a firm slap on her ass. Salem screamed in maddened delight, and Jinn smacked her ass, again and again, watching as the flesh caved underneath her palm. Every time she struck the flesh, she would grab onto it and give it a tight squeeze, molding it around and watching Salem bend and buckle under her every touch. The Queen of the Grimm was helpless under the control of the genie, completely powerless… and she loved every moment of it.

"Who's still my Slutty Salem?"

"I am. I'm your little whore!"

"What was that?"

"I'm your little whore, Mistress!"

"Good," Jinn moaned hungrily. "I'm the one asking the fucking questions now, and you better give me the answers I want. Got that?"

"Yes, Mistress! Yes!" Salem moaned deeply.

It was at the moment hen Jinn shoved three fingers inside of Salem's cunt, and the white-skinned woman screamed so intensely that her knees gave out and she collapsed face-first into the couch cushion, toes clenching, fists balling and her voice lost in the harsh fabric, that Yang, who was watching the entire incident with great interest, realized something: she needed to have sex. Right there. At that very moment. Could she masturbate to the sight of Salem getting hardcore dominated by a magical genie? Sure. Would anyone have judged her? Probably not. But she would not have gotten such a pure satisfaction as she would have from another girl forcing herself deep inside her. There was a time and a place for being ashamed and watching two supernatural creatures fuck each other like animals in heat was not that time. That, she determined, was the time to get laid. She needed the full-on contact of another human being, and she needed it _right fucking now_. She felt slightly hopeless about her chances when suddenly, she remembered something.

Ruby. Was it not an hour ago that she was forcing her sister into her breasts, trying to rip her clothes off so she could pound her like… what was the phrase she had used again? A tender chicken breast? If Ruby was down for it before Salem showed up, why wouldn't she be after while watching her greatest enemy getting fingered? It seemed so logically sound! With a devious smirk, Yang turned her gaze away from the sex—difficult as that was—and toward her sister.

"Hey, Ruby, listen up—" She started, but her eyes went wide as she froze in shock. Ruby was a bit preoccupied at the moment, specifically with Weiss straddling her waist and forcing her tongue down her throat. Yang tried to protest, but Weiss held up a finger, instructing her to wait as she finished sucking down Ruby's face. After an eternity of kissing, Weiss finally pulled her lips away with a loud _smack_, leaving a thin trail of saliva connecting her lips to her leader's. Ruby stared up at the Atlasian in wonder, her eyes glassy and her mouth barely hanging open. Yang had no chance anymore. Ruby was completely Weiss-drunk.

"Sorry, Yang," Weiss said, casting her a knowing, lustful glare. "You were saying something?"

"Yeah," Yang shouted, outraged. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Look, I know I was preaching pretty hard earlier, but the truth is, I'm _really _horny right now," Weiss explained with a delicate shrug. "And you know what else? I'm tired of this whole 'virginity' thing, so Ruby and I are going to fix that problem. She's a slutty little thing and, well… what happens in Brunswick Farms, right?"

Weiss casually shoved Ruby onto her back and crawled over her face, giving the young Huntress a perfect view of her stained lace panties. She reached down to her hips, and still looking Yang dead in the eye, she removed them, inching them slowly down her thighs until they peeled away from her folds, sticking slightly as her juices clung to the fabric. She pulled them down her soft skin and over her feet, swinging it around her little finger as Yang's hands balled into fists.

"Listen here, you little—"

Before the words could escape her, Weiss thrust her damp panties into Yang's mouth, and the blonde's anger was quickly overwhelmed by the taste of the heiress's lust. Weiss placed a single finger to Yang's lips, tracing them gently, as she hovered her glistening sex over Ruby's stunned, expressionless face.

"Sorry, but you're going to have to shut up for a moment," Weiss said with a sly shrug. "Now, if you don't mind me… I have to facefuck your sister."

Yang watched helplessly as Weiss forced her pussy down onto Ruby's lips and began gyrating back and forth on her face, grinding her sex deeper and deeper into Ruby's mouth as the young Huntress's instincts took over and she went to work going down on her teammate. Weiss softly ran a finger through Ruby's hair as she brought her other hand down to her clit, massaging it as Ruby unconsciously, but still rather eagerly, ate her out. She released a guttural moan as her eyes locked with Ruby's silver ones, and she didn't really care that the girl's mind was nowhere to be found. As long as her tongue was still there, she was pretty okay with it.

Yang, completely defeated and with a pair of soaked panties in her mouth, turned to Emerald and Blake, whose gazes were caught between the furious fingering on the couch and the passionate pussy-eating to their right. Yang looked at Blake, and Blake looked at Yang, and Emerald looked away from the both of them with a deep blush, and then Blake, with a casual shrug, took off her shirt, and then her bra.

"So… bumblebee for life, right?"

"Mmmmh mmmh mmh mmmmmh."

"I'll take that as a yes."


	6. Climax

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well everyone we've come to the conclusion of this story. What started out as a one-shot we wrote over the summer has somehow transformed into this weird thing we used to keep our spirits up while studying for our final exams. First of all, to everyone who has decided to read this story: Why? Just... just why? Second of all: thank you. We understand this story has been very stupid, and very perverse, and very out of control, but the fun part about writing these kinds of stories is that you can just remove all the restrictions you normally put yourself under when you write to the side and just go crazy with it. It's been really fun. If you liked what you read, we would be so thankful if you left us a comment letting us know. Or say anything. We don't give a fuck. But if you want to see more of something like this (for some ungodly reason) tell us. That'd be great. Anyway, we hope you enjoy this final chapter. Thank you.

A dark castle rested upon the hill, pounded by heavy rain. Its walls were ancient, built from hard stone before the era of modern man. Its interior was lit by old means, and each room within was decorated with furniture from an older age. It was a secluded place that no one dared to disturb, and the legend of those who resided there had spread throughout the local villages.

The study of the castle was filled with books that had gone untouched for decades, and in the corner of the room, sat by a desk full of clutter and sheets of paper with half-scribbled notes, was a man of frail appearance. His hair was thin and gray, and his skin was wrinkled, and his goatee had gotten away from him and was an equal color to his hair, and he looked at his writings through small round glasses, murmuring unpleasantly to himself. Thunder echoed out in the distance, and he buried himself in his work when, like the thunder, there came a sudden and terrible knock on his door. He grumbled for the knocker to come in, and one of his servants stepped through the door.

"Master Johnathan," she said tepidly, "there is someone at the door to see you."

"Tell them to go away," he said bitterly, but the servant did not leave.

"Master, one of them appears ill. The other calls for you," she explained. After a long moment, he cursed silently and rose from his chair. He followed the servant through the long castle and arrived eventually in the main hall, where two strangers were waiting just inside of the massive wooden doors that kept him hidden from the outside world. One of them was a young girl—a Faunus. She had fair skin and wore dark clothes and had long black hairs with two cat-like ears on top. Her expression was that of deep concern. The other was leaning against her, wrapped tightly in a cloak to conceal her appearance. The Faunus spoke worriedly.

"Sir, I've come a long way to find you. My friend needs your help."

"You have no business being here," he said sternly.

"Please, sir, I don't know where else to turn," she begged, but he dismissed her.

"There are many hospitals you can take her to in Remnant. Now leave me alone." He turned to retreat up the stairs, but she called after him again.

"You are the only one who can help!" she cried. "I think whatever she has—you are the only person in the world who knows how to fix her."

A dark chill ran over him. No… it couldn't be. That worry in the Faunus's voice. He had a sneaking suspicion, and if he was correct…

"Follow me downstairs," he instructed, moving with a swiftness that was not common at his age. "I pray that you are mistaken, young lady. For your friend's sake."

He led her through the castle halls, down a secret set of stairs hidden behind a bookshelf, and the Faunus marveled at the ancient structure of the castle, the likes of which she had never seen before. They descended down the staircase lit only by candles; rats scurried along the damp bottom as the moved deeper and deeper into the earth. Finally, they exited into a laboratory, equally as ancient and full of strange equipment: large tubes of to channel electricity, chemicals of all colors sealed in bottles by corks, and a large array of surgical tools. He led her to a big metal slab in the center of the room, and she rested her friend down upon it and removed the cloak. Another young woman rested before them, blonde and busty, completely naked. One of her arms was robotic, spray-painted yellow but instead, the man's eyes went to her face and the peculiar expressions she was making. She appeared asleep at first glance, but upon closer examination he noticed that she was grinning seductively, occasionally licking her lips and moaning something unintelligible under her breath. Her hands squeezed and unsqueezed, and her fingers danced and stroked the air, and notably, she kept rubbing her thighs together, trying to maintain arousal even in her state of unconsciousness. The man took one long look at her, and then with a vicious glare, turned to the Faunus.

"What… what have you done?" he asked angrily.

"We were… involved in an orgy," the Faunus confessed.

"No, what have you _done_?" he asked again more harshly. "A mere orgy could not have caused this. What have you done?"

"We were trying…" the Faunus said nervously. "We were trying to maximize the bang units, sir."

His eyes went wide with horror. "No…" he muttered.

"Sir—"

"No!" he cried, running to the nearby desk and sweeping all the chemicals to the floor with his arms. "Madness! You have destroyed this poor woman!"

"But Mister Incest, the bang units were your creation!"

"That's _Doctor _Incest!" he responded cruelly. "Madam, I did not attend seven years at the Atlasian School for Neurological Medicine for you to refer to me as _Mister _Incest!"

"I'm… I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "I meant no disrespect."

"You have disrespected me by tampering with my work!" Doctor Incest stated. "Are you aware of what has happened to your friend? The fate that has befallen her is one most horrible that I dare not even speak it."

"Please, sir, you have to help her!" begged the Faunus.

"Help her? Ha!" he scoffed. "The only true help your friend can receive now is a merciful death. She has been afflicted by the Eternal Hotness."

"Eternal Hotness?"

"A disease of lust that poisons the mind," he explained, wallowing over the nude body and her terrible curse. "When a human being experiences a sexual encounter that is ranked extraordinarily high in bang units, the mind cannot handle the overwhelming pleasure. The event is so powerfully lustful that it destroys the synapses of the mind, obliterating all thoughts that are not of pure, hardcore sex. The surge of dopamine destroys all the receptacles for pleasure in the brain, trapping the user in a state of dull ecstasy, endlessly craving an orgasm that they are never possible to achieve again. Your friend is trapped in perpetual horniness, endless sexiness, limitless desirability… _Eternal Hotness_."

"Oh, no! Yang!" cried the Faunus, tears welling in her eyes. "I didn't know the bang units could be so powerful!"

"Bang units? Curse those words!" Doctor Incest screamed, slamming his fist against the metal slab. "I created that metric when I was young and naïve, a poor, foolish boy thinking his doctorate somehow made him intelligent. How I once thought those numbers would be my life's work. When I discovered the Eternal Hotness, it was only then did I realize my great folly. I have spent the last thirty-five years of my life trying to discredit my old work, remove it from the medical textbooks, erase my name from history! I have tried to undo it all, and yet, even still, I find that my legacy has tainted this world and its horny youth!"

"Doctor, please!"

"Is it not the great curse of mankind that we tamper with things we shall not?" he asked in soliloquy. "Lo, what is the purpose of science? To bring betterment to our fellow neighbors? To pursue knowledge in all its efforts? But is it not a truth of nature that not all things should be known—that some horrors rot the soul in ways that cannot be removed by the touch of an angel's kiss? How great a jester we must be to think we can conquer this mortal realm. Lust and love, art and poetry, the great works of the past… must we think of these in only measurements and science? These subjects, the greater work of the human mind… nay, the human spirit! Lest we forget their place in our hearts and seek to gestate our whims unto them in a most disastrous manner. Honesty? Loyalty? Objectivity to the world? These are lies we tell ourselves when our minds crumble and we turn to dust. To think we can have control, to think that we may create metrics of the greatest miracle—_life_—such thinking is the purgatory of humanity. God in all his glories may never forgive nor forget our arrogance…"

There was a crack of thunder outside the castle, and the Faunus raised her arms to the sky, tears streaming down her face. "Doctor Incest, I beg you! There has to be _something _you can do to help her!"

The Doctor sighed. "Fine… tell me everything that happened on that night in as explicit detail as you can."

"Okay," said the Faunus, steadying her breath. "It all started with Yang and I eating each other out…"

* * *

"_Oh my God, Blake!" Yang screamed in uncontrollable ecstasy as Blake buried her nose deep in her slit. "You are unbelievable at this!"_

"_Well, I don't know about that," Blake said sheepishly._

"_No, you are so fucking great," Yang insisted. "If only your mom knew how phenomenal you were at eating girls out! She would sleep with you in a heartbeat. In fact, your such an amazing fuck that I'm the luckiest girl alive for even getting to enjoy your tongue on my body for even a moment!"_

"_Wow, Yang, that's so kind and honest of you! I'm glad you—"_

"You're making this dialogue up," the Doctor said accusingly, but Blake fervently shook her head.

"Nope, this all happened exactly as I said it did. Now shut up and listen, dammit."

"_Blakey, you're so good inside me! Keep ravaging me, Blakey!"_

_Blakey tried to keep ravaging Yang to the best of her ability, but it was hard when there was so much crazy lesbian action around her. Weiss and Ruby were busily scissoring each other so hard that they could beat both paper and rock, and Salem and Jinn were doing something with chains and shards of broken glass from the vodka bottle on the couch. It looked like fun, and the problem was that all of her casual glances over at the action meant less time buried nose deep in Yang's snatch. What a horrid nightmare! She desperately needed to up the ante._

_But then, Blake had an exciting idea. "Hey, Yang, let's join the others in a foursome!"_

"_Wow, great idea!" said Yang. "You always have the best ideas, Blake. That's why you're the smart one of the group while I'm just the hot one."_

"_Come on, now," Blake said reassuringly, giving her partner an encouraging slap on the ass. "You're very, very hot."_

"_That is true."_

_The two stood up from their position and went hand-in-hand over to the rest of their teammates. Weiss was deep in concentration, panting heavily as she thrust her hips deeper into Ruby, while Ruby practically foamed at the mouth and released a drunken babble._

"_Bepadshiiufcwrvfjm."_

"_Yeah, what she said," Weiss stated. "We're kind of busy here at the moment."_

"_Nonsense," Yang said gleefully, shrugging as she crawled over Ruby's head. "Her face isn't busy doing anything. She can help a sister out. Right, Ruby?"_

"_Yibblebibblebooeybibble," said Ruby._

"_I'll take that as a yes."_

"_That's not a yes!" Weiss protested. "She specifically said, 'Capitalism is an inherently oppressive and immoral system of government that only benefits the upper class.'"_

"_Jeez, who died and made you the Ruby-translator?" Yang said, rolling her eyes._

"_I'm not—"_

"_Too late!" Yang said suddenly, and without further warning, forced herself down on Ruby's face. Blake watched with a throbbing in her chest as Weiss's expression turned suddenly from horror and disgust to transfixed awe. She had been so busy protesting the idea of Ruby and Yang being together all day long, but now, watching Yang gasp and moan as Ruby eagerly lapped up her folds sent her brain haywire. Incest wasn't gross. It wasn't gross at all. In fact, in that one moment, Weiss came to the joyous conclusion that incest may have been the hottest fucking thing she had ever seen in her entire life! The ideas rushed into her brain: being taken doggystyle by Whitley, tenderly fucked by Winter, dominated by her mother, doing nothing with her father because he was an abusive creep and he didn't get to participate in her fantasies—they were the most incredible visions she ever experienced. She was so overwhelmed by the idea that she came instantly, squirting and flooding Ruby's sex and thighs with a gushing torrent of her juices, moaning and trembling and—_

"That's complete bullshit!" cried Doctor Incest. "Squirting isn't a thing women can really do like that. It's something made up by the porn industry to simulate the male orgasm for fetish purposes."

The Faunus placed her hands on her hips. "Hey, this is my art and you don't get to comment on it! Now let me fucking finish!"

_Blake, helpless to resist, crawled on top of Ruby and pushed herself up on all fours. She shoved her ass up into Yang's face, which the blonde Huntress dug into like a holiday feast, and proceeded to make out with Weiss, still in the aftershocks of her orgasm. Together, Team RWBY formed a sort of sex square, with Weiss and Yang on the sides, each getting to claim a mouth and a pussy in their own special ways, and Blake and Ruby sandwiched between them enjoying the fruits of their efforts. They were so glad to finally be reunited with each other after so many months apart, and they showered on as much affection and love and heat as they possibly could, licking and sucking and tonguing and grinding like their lives depended on it. It was remarkable on both an emotional and physical level, and as Blake reached her peak, bucking her hips back into Yang's face, she didn't know how it could get any better._

_But she was very, very wrong._

"_Hey, what the fuck do you think you're doing?" Salem asked suddenly, throwing Jinn off of her and removing one of the tight gold chains from around her throat._

"_It appears, my love, that they have created a sort of fuck box," Jinn claimed._

"_Fuck that! They think they can out sexy us, do they?" Salem screeched. "Emerald, summon a hallucination!"_

_Emerald, who sat lazily on the lounge chair, fully clothed and watching the chaos unfold around her while she sipped a large beer, shook her head._

"_Nyeh," she whined. "Emerald no like fun. Emerald lame virgin. Nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh."_

"_Your master demands that you summon a hallucination."_

"_Nyeh nyeh!"_

"_Emerald, do it!"_

_Emerald sighed. "Nyeh. I'm a stupid idiot. My hair is dumb. Nyeh nyeh nyeh."_

_She relented and focused hard on the writhing, sensual mass of young huntresses, widening her eyes. Inside of the orgy, Blake continued massaging the inside of Weiss's jaw with her tongue when she was suddenly grabbed from behind and pulled away from the group. She began to protest until she looked up and saw the person taking her into her arms, and her arms went wide with shock._

"_M-Mom!"_

"Okay, this is getting out of hand!" Doctor Incest said, slamming his fist against the table. "Now your mother is here partaking in the ultimate sin?"

"Not just my mother," the Faunus explained, "but _all _of our mothers. Weiss's mom, Yang's mom… even Ruby's mom, who's not actually alive, but Ruby was pretty doped out by this point so I don't think she noticed. Besides, they weren't real—just extremely realistic hallucinations caused by Emerald's semblance. It was pretty hot, so hot that… well…"

"Spit it out, for Heaven's sake!" yelled the Doctor. The Faunus sheepishly twiddled her thumbs.

"Well, seeing my MILF mom standing naked in front of me, her giant double-D boobs swinging right in front of my face, it kind of got me really excited. And then when I saw that the rest of our moms were all surrounding us with their naked bodies, I got even more excited. And then, when I noticed that all of our mothers were equipped with _giant cocks_… well, I passed out."

"You passed out?" said Doctor Incest.

"Yeah, I'm disappointed in myself, too," the Faunus said shamefully. "Like, I had all these plans for what would happen when I got to fuck my mom, and when the opportunity arrived, I just passed out right into her massive tits! I ended up missing that entire section of the orgy, and all of my mom sex happened in my sleep."

"Your mom had sex with you in your sleep?"

"Yeah. I mean that's _sort of _hot…"

"Pretty sure that's also assault."

"What? No, it's not."

"You didn't give her active consent, so—"

"Oh, I _definitely _gave her consent," the Faunus stated. "After I passed out into her boobs, I fell over with my ass sticking straight up in the air towards her. If that's not asking for it, I don't know what is."

"I'm ninety percent certain that won't hold up in court."

"Oh, shut it! You're ruining the appeal of the fantasy," she complained. "So, anyway, I passed out, and I kind of missed the rest of the orgy. But I did overhear some choice quotes in my unconscious state. Want to hear some?"

"Uh—"

The Faunus pulled out a notepad from the inside of her jacket pocket, and cleared her throat as she recited the words in front of her from her teammates.

"_Wow, your tits are so big!"_

"_Quick, fuck me harder with that gigantic cock!"_

"_I didn't know a person could fit that much in their mouth!"_

"_You smell like cinnamon… why?"_

"This seems unnecessary," said Doctor Incest, but she continued.

"_Hey, save some jizz for me!"_

"_I don't think it's healthy to fist someone's asshole up to your elbow."_

"_Your father and I are getting a divorce."_

"_Seriously, why in the holy fuck do you smell like cinnamon?"_

"Again, please stop this," said the Doctor.

"_Wait, if you all have penises, how the fuck did any of you give birth to us?"_

"_Baby, you don't want us to answer that."_

"All right, that's enough!" cried the Doctor, swatting the notepad out of the Faunus's hand. She huffed and crossed her arms in frustration. "Just finish your damn story so I can help your friend."

"Fine. God, you're uptight," the Faunus complained. "Okay, so here's what happened next…"

_Blake woke up, and it took her a few moments to figure out where all of her limbs went, and more importantly, whose limbs were lost inside her. She figured out that her right hand was on Ruby's breast, her left fingers were jammed into Yang's mouth, and her left foot was resting in the crevasse of Weiss's ass. Her right foot? No idea where that was, but it was somewhere hot and slippery and it wouldn't budge no matter how hard she tried. There was something shoved up her butt—possibly Myrtenaster, because it was far pointier than a dildo should have been. She had three different hands all groping her crotch, and the air was silent as she realized that the rest of her team had passed out from the intense fucking as well. The only sounds she heard were Salem and Jinn still engaged in their intense sexual exploits, the Grimm Queen shoving Jinn's face into her ass as she stood hunched over the couch._

"_Oh, Jinn, I've missed you so fucking much!" Salem screamed as she reached her climax. "I want to be with you forever!"_

"_Cum for me! Cum for your Mistress!"_

_Blake couldn't feel the orgasm that followed, but it looked rather nice. Salem screamed so powerfully that the nearby windows shattered and the snow and wind blew into the room. She gripped the couch cushions so tightly that they burst at the seams, sending their stuffing spilling out over the sides. The flood of her release down her legs was like a waterfall. It lasted for literally minutes, until her screams turned empty and she could no longer stand, instead crumpling into a big pile on the couch with her ass sting straight up in the air. Jinn slurped up whatever she could, but even her efforts weren't enough to catch everything. Blake drooled over the sight while Emerald took a nap in the corner, and despite the fact that she had been used nonstop for what had been several long, mind-numbingly amazing hours, she still wanted more._

"_Holy fucking fuck," Salem finally moaned as she came down from her climax. "How in God's name are you so good at eating bitches out?"_

"_Quite simple," answered Jinn, "it's the accumulation of knowledge and experience gathered from lesbians around the world, which I have translated into pure skill at pussyeating. You see—" Suddenly, Jinn's smile vanished, and she cocked her head cautiously to the side. "Wait, did you just ask me a question?"_

_Before Salem could answer, there was a loud boom and a massive puff of smoke, and just like that, Jinn was sucked back into lamp, leaving Salem's sex exposed to the cold air. The Queen paused for a moment, sitting up on the couch and looking carefully around the room in stunned silence for her lover. She was nowhere to be gone, bu the Relic of Knowledge was there on the floor, glowing taunting her with its new captive. When the revelation hit her, she screamed for the hundredth time that day—only not in any kind of pleasure._

"_Are you fucking kidding me?" she cried, standing up and balling her hands into fists. "I have the best sex of my entire life and now I have to wait another hundred years to get a fuck that good again?"_

"_Hey, Salem, it's okay," Blake tried to mutter, only to realize that she couldn't actually say anything because Weiss's panties had somehow gotten lodged in her mouth, meaning the words came out as, "Mmph, mmphmm, mmph mmmmmmmph."_

"_This whole thing is stupid!" Salem declared. "What's the point of having hot lesbian sex if I'm just going to be teased by life's greatest pleasures and then have it stripped all away from me? This whole adventure has just been one cruel prank. I should have just killed all of these humans in the first place!"_

"_Please, don't kill all the humans," Blake tried to say. "Mmmph, mmm mmm mm mmmm mmmmmmmph," is what she actually said._

"_Un-fucking-believable," Salem muttered, picking the Relic off the floor and throwing it into the big pile of Huntresses. "You know what? Fuck this whole ordeal! Fuck Jinn, and fuck that Relic, and fuck Ozpin, only not literally because he's a kid now, and fuck Team RWBY, and fuck Brunswick Farms, and fuck the world! You can keep that worthless thing. I'm going back to my castle to plan the destruction of your species. I'll take a vow of chastity since clearly I'm never going to reach any sexual encounter higher than that. Fucking stupid…"_

_As Salem angrily trod past the orgy of girls, ready to put the whole day's events behind her, a hand suddenly reached up and grabbed her ankle. It was Yang, finally stirred from her slumber and staring up at Salem with a cheeky grin._

"_Hey, before you go," she muttered, "any chance I could get a kiss goodbye?"_

_Salem scowled. "No."_

"_Please?"_

"_No."_

"_Please?"_

"_No."_

"_Pretty please?"_

"_No."_

"_With cherries on top?"_

"_No."_

"_But it would be so poetic," Yang stated. "Me lusting after you started this whole mess. Wouldn't it be great if I got to be with you, just a tiny little bit?"_

"_No."_

"_Come on. I'm not even asking for you to go down on me," Yang begged. "Just a kiss. One kiss. Pretty, pretty, pretty please?"_

_Salem looked at Yang, and Yang looked at her, and Salem rolled her eyes._

"_Fine."_

"_Sweeeeet," Yang hissed. Salem, wanting to get it over with as quickly as possible, picked Yang up out of the pile by her shoulders and held her upright hen the girl couldn't stand under her own power. With a grimace, Salem leaned forward and planted her lips against Yang's, giving her the deepest, wettest, hottest sixty-second make out session she could give. Blake watched excitedly as Yang grew weaker under the kiss, falling under her power, and when Salem finished the kiss with a wet smack, Yang was clearly eyed and her expression was that of a permanent stupid grin. Salem dropped her heartlessly back into the pile, grabbed the napping Emerald by the arm, and dragged her outside into the snowstorm, naked and flipping off the Huntresses as she left._

"_See you in hell, Team RWBY!" she called back to them. "And the next time we meet... stay the fuck out of this bad bitch's way!"_

* * *

"And that was the last time we saw Salem," the Faunus explained. "When I went to ask Yang if she enjoyed her tongue battle, she didn't respond. That's why we are here with you."

"Well, that story was certainly… something," said Doctor Incest. "But I think I figured out how to cure your friend."

"Really?" asked the Faunus eagerly. "How?"

"It's all about how the Eternal Hotness was triggered," explained the Doctor, stroking his goatee. "It seems your friend was brought close to her catatonic state by the same intense orgy that you and your other friends experienced, but what sent her over the edge was a teasing kiss by this Salem woman. Perhaps the way to cure her of this critical condition is to fully satisfy her desires."

"But Doctor!" gasped the Faunus. "I thought you said there was no cure? That her only release from this suffering was death?"

The Doctor shook his head. "Oh, my bad. Now that I've heard your full story, it's a much simpler issue. Before, when I was talking about a merciful death? That was Type I Eternal Hotness. This is Type II Eternal Hotness. Completely different surrounding circumstances. Totally fixable."

"Oh, that's a relief," the Faunus said with a smile. "So, how do we fix her?"

"Simple," stated Doctor Incest. "We have to give her the sensation of having passionate lesbian sex with this Salem woman. Since she is not around, we must trick her body into believing that she is actually fucking this woman. In order to do this, we are going to need to find someone willing to dress up like Salem, matching her appearance precisely and act out all of her mannerisms while performing every sinful sex act in existence onto this woman's half-conscious body. Only then will we—"

The Faunus ripped off her top and flashed a hungry grin.

"On it."

* * *

"And that," Yang finished explaining thoughtfully, "is why Blake dyed her hair."

Jaune, Ren, Nora, Terra, Saphron, and even little baby Adrian all stared at the group of Huntresses on their couch with wide eyes. Blake gently pampered her new white locks, which Yang gestured at in approval. Ruby and Weiss nodded blissfully from their seats on the floor, casually munching down sandwiches, while Oscar and Qrow sat silently in the corner.

"So…" Jaune stammered. "All of that was to explain why your hair is white now?"

"Yep," Blake smiled. "Doesn't it look nice?"

"That was… a rather _graphic _explanation for having a baby in the room," Saphron said nervously, gently pressing her hands to the sides of Adrian's head.

"Hey, we don't censor the truth. Or art," Blake claimed boldly. Yang placed her hand on her shoulder.

"Yep. That's the honest truth of what happened at those farms, and if anyone says otherwise, they're _fucking lying_."

"I… I see…" Terra said softly, taking a careful sip of her cup of coffee.

"Well, at least the Relic is safe," Jaune said, "even if the last question is used up."

"And at least Yang is all right," Ren said warmly. "Eternal Hotness is nothing to trifle with."

"Right," agreed Yang.

"Exactly," agreed Blake.

"Precisely," agreed Weiss.

"Spot on," agreed Ruby. The previous days had been difficult to bear—in ways that they never could have expected—but at long last, they were safe and sound in Argus with their teammates. The next step of the journey would perhaps be the most perilous, and even once they got to Atlas, there was no guarantee they would be safe. But after partaking in a massive gangbang with each other—and technically their well-hung mothers—they felt more than ready to take on any challenge that came their way. They were more than a family. They were a team: Team RWBY. And nothing was going to stop anymore, not even the hottest and sluttiest of bad bitches.

And then Yang noticed something. "Wait, Ren, how do you know anything about Eternal Hotness?"

Ren drew still, and all of the eyes in the room drifted to him, staring at him while he uncomfortably took a bite of his sandwich. After a long few moments, the tension was broken, not by him, but by Nora sighing and lovingly rolling her eyes.

"Oh, please," she said casually. "Like you girls are the only ones who've ever tried to maximize your bang units."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End... thankfully


	7. Bonus: Two Sluts in a Plane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. In celebration of our computer no longer being broken, here's a bonus chapter of this horrible piece of fiction that we created. Enjoy.

"So… you and Roman Torchwick…" Cinder said awkwardly. "Was there like a thing going on there?"

Neo glared at Cinder suspiciously from the co-pilot's seat. She had agreed to Cinder's plan to get murderous revenge on Ruby Rose awhile back, and after a wonderful shopping spree montage and hijacking a fighter ship and camouflaging it as an Atlesian cruiser, she was well on her way to achieving her revenge. But unfortunately for Neo, Atlas was quite the long flight away from Mistral, and that meant there was a lot of time to kill. And one of the downsides to having a lot of time to kill was that people would always attempt to kill that time by asking about… things they shouldn't be asking about.

"I'm not judging, by the way," Cinder carefully noted. "Believe me, I am in no position to critique other's actions. Because of, you know… all of the murders I've committed."

Neo pursed her lips.

"But this whole revenge thing, it's not just because you were friends, right?" Cinder suggested. "There had to be something far more intimate going on between the two of you. Something far more… sexual, I believe?"

Neo crossed her arms and looked out the main window.

Cinder smirked. "Oh, that's absolutely it," she said slyly. "So, what was it like taking the merciless Roman Torchwick to bed? I assume it had to be rather kinky, correct?"

Neo said nothing.

"If you say nothing, I can only imagine that it was an intense experience," Cinder reasoned. "Did you let him ravage you on top of big piles of Dust and money? Did you kidnap random people off the streets and force them to join, or perhaps you recruited other members of his gang to participate? I get the suspicion that it was an affair that was shared amongst quite a few other people."

Neo said nothing.

Cinder snickered, delighted with the subtle reactions she was getting out of the girl's face. "Oh, you are so sensitive, Neo. For such a dangerous person, you seem so awfully coy about your sexual life. There isn't anything to be ashamed of. We are simply having a conversation as brand new friends. Girl-to-girl. Criminal-to-criminal. If we can't be honest with ourselves, who can we be honest with?"

Neo said nothing.

"To tell you the truth, I always had a soft spot for Roman. I thought he was rather cute, which made his incessant bumbling much more tolerable. I will fully admit that I was using him. Salem's machinations cannot go unfulfilled, and he was simply the first and the most desperate in agreeing to help her schemes. However, there was something incomparable about him. Something dashing. Charming. He was a rogue in the truest sense of the word. A man not bound by any sort of social order. That's an incredibly admirable trait, don't you agree?"

Neo said nothing.

"Ah, I miss those days," Cinder confessed with a sigh. "Staying undercover at Beacon Academy, plotting to destroy the school from within. It was all so much simpler back then, getting to play the game of chess instead of being one of the pawns. Remember when you and I participated in the Vytal Festival, how you had to disguise yourself as 'Becky the Transfer Student'? God, that was something to behold. Your skills were always unmatched, even by trained Huntsmen. Truthfully, part of me thinks it was a mistake that we didn't go to the finals. I know sending Emerald and Mercury was part of the plan to collapse Beacon, but some part of me can't help but wonder if we could have taken it all. The two of us, working together. I think we might have been able to win the whole thing. No, I _know _we would have been able to win the whole thing. Well, _I _would have; there can only be one winner after all. Yet, the two of us as a pair would have gone very, very far together if we had only—"

"I pegged him."

Cinder stopped, and then blinked, and then slowly turned towards her co-pilot, whose bored expression had remained a constant as she stared straight ahead out the windshield.

"I'm sorry, did you say—"

"I pegged him," Neo repeated with a shrug. "Roman. Our sex life. I pegged him."

Cinder paused, glancing away for half a second, uncomfortably biting her bottom lip.

"Uh… I don't…"

"Roman would get down on all fours," Neo explained simply, still staring straight ahead. "Then he would spread his asscheeks. And then… I'd peg him."

"You would have anal sex with Roman Torchwick."

"Yes."

"In his ass."

"That would make it pegging, yes."

"With…"

"With my monster cock," Neo explained.

Cinder blinked.

"Your… monster cock?"

"Yep," Neo stated, gently patting her lap. "Got eleven inches of monster cock hidden under here. Big ol' sausage. Plump for fucking."

"Oh…"

"And for sucking."

"That's… that's very interesting."

"Well, you asked."

"I did ask."

"You did ask."

"I asked to know… and you told me."

"Yep."

"Huh."

"Yep."

Cinder slumped down in her chair a little bit, and awkwardly stared back out the windshield. The cockpit returned to silence, awkward and lasting for an ungodly long period of time. Cinder clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth, and gently strummed her fingers against the controls of the ship. She opened her mouth to say something, but then decided against it. But then, after sitting in silence for what felt like an hour, she decided for it. Poorly.

"You hide it very well."

"What?" asked Neo.

"Your gigantic penis," Cinder stated. "You hide it incredibly well for someone who wears very tight pants."

Neo cringed for a moment, and then rolled her eyes, groaning. "Oh my God… I don't _have_ a penis, dumbass."

"You… don't?" Cinder asked, confused.

"No, that was a joke," Neo said bitterly. "I was just trying to get you off my back. Roman and I had a very healthy, normal, _platonic _relationship, and it meant a lot to me, and I don't want you talking about it."

"So… no monster cock?"

"Nope," Neo said, again patting her lap. "Just a very boring vagina."

"And Roman _didn't _like getting pegged?"

"I mean, he might have," Neo stated. "That was his business. I don't judge."

"Huh," Cinder said softly. "Good to know."

"Yep," Neo said, leaning against the window. "This is exactly why I don't talk to people."

"I see. Maybe I should try that," Cinder pondered.

"Maybe you should," Neo agreed. "Your voice is awful."

Cinder paused, raising an eyebrow. "My voice?"

"Yep. Awful."

"How is it awful?"

"Because you try too hard," Neo explained. "Every single word out of your mouth is like… how do I say this? It's like every syllable has to be dripping with as much evil and manipulative intent as possible. You have to be super condescending and secretive and sinister all at once"

"That's just my voice!" Cinder shouted incredulously.

"Well, it sucks!" Neo claimed. "You should just try going mute for a while. Does wonders for me!"

"No way. Not that again," Cinder huffed. "Those were the worst six months of my life being unable to speak. So much fire." She shuddered and crouched forward, hissing. "_So much fire._"

"Okay, well then try an accent," Neo suggested. "Maybe if you disguise your voice under, say, an Australian accent, then people would find you a lot less grating."

"A… what?" Cinder stammered.

"An Australian accent," Neo groaned. "You know—G'day, mate! Saw a kangaroo in the outback earlier near mah pet dingo. Shrimp on the barbie!"

Cinder squinted at her, shaking her head softly. "What's an Australia?"

"Australia!" shouted Neo, throwing her hands in the air. "You know, it's that… um…" She suddenly stopped herself. She slowly looked off into the distance, placing a finger against her chin.

Huh. What _was _an Australia?

"Well, anyway, maybe we can try a makeover to make you less irritable," Neo suggested.

"I just _did _a makeover," Cinder protested.

"Yeah, but one that doesn't suck," Neo stated. "I mean, we're heading off to the freezing icy planes of Atlas and you are wearing a skirt."

"You're also wearing a skirt!"

"But my skirt looks hot! I'm just saying—"

"No. No no no. I've been down this road before," Cinder said quickly. "I'm not letting you turn me into a bad bitch. Emerald tried turning me into a bad bitch once, and do you want to know how that ended up? Me, suspended naked and alone in a dark room with a giant mechanical paddle spanking me for seven hours straight. I'm going to be the one deciding my looks and behavior from here on out."

"Okay, two notes," said Neo. "First of all: hot. Second, I think we can find a healthy middle ground between you looking and sounding like an idiot and you getting strung up like a horny Harry Houdini."

"Harry who now?"

Neo growled. "Harry Houdini, the famous… famous… wait a second, what the fuck are these references?"

"I don't know, but you should probably stop."

"Yeah," Neo sighed. "This is getting to be like a Twiight Zone episode—wait, fuck! That's another one! Oh my God!"

Cinder snickered. "Wow, you're dropping more obscure references than Tessa Tassanova."

"Yes, that's a reference I recognize!" Neo exclaimed. "Acclaimed Vale musician, actress and stand-up comedian Tessa Tassanova, whose critically-beloved debut album _That One Time With The Salmon_ entrenched her bizarre yet endearing referential style of musical comedy in the public's pop culture perception for decades."

"Yes, that is exactly what I was thinking when I made that reference," Cinder said with a nod. "Literally everyone knows who Tessa Tassanova is, which is why I felt comfortable with making that joke. Comedy that excludes others, such as inside jokes or humor which punches down on oppressed groups, is always inferior to that which can maximize happiness in the audience—at least in my honest opinion. It is true that some humor will always offend and deride, and we must be careful not to bring about unnecessary censorship as we allow people to express themselves in their art; yet, media impacts us all, and creating a space in which all can find the joy of laughter is a viable and, I believe, a worthy goal."

"Well, putting aside that surprisingly nuanced view of comedy," Neo stated, "you still look, sound and act dumb."

"You know what? Fuck you, Neo," Cinder said passionately. "You want to critique my fashion sense? You literally wear a bowler hat, you ice-cream-looking-caramel-salted-cumslut."

"Caramel-salted?" Neo laughed. "Wow, your insults are almost as bad as your facemask. No wonder no one wants to tap you."

"Plenty of people want to tap me," Cinder said defensively. "Emerald wants to tap me. Mercury wants to tap me. Ruby Rose wants to tap me—"

"Ruby? The one we're trying to kill?"

Cinder smirked. "Oh, yes, my dear. She _definitely _wants to hit this. I can see it in her stupid silver eyes. She wants me to eat her like a holiday feast, pound her like a snare drum, break her—"

"Like a Kit-Kat Bar?" asked Neo.

"I don't know what that is, but sure," Cinder said with certainty. "She wants my Cinder-ness all over her. Maybe I'll give it to her, too, right after I cut those fucking eyes out of her stupid head. I'll fuck that blind bitch until she goes numb. Then, we'll kill her. Yeah… that'll be an excellent revenge."

"If she wants it, I don't see how that's revenge," Neo questioned. "It sounds like you'd be giving her everything she's ever wanted. Honestly, it would be more like revenge if you _didn't _fuck her."

Neo had said that comment passively, not thinking much of it, but she noticed that it had an impact when Cinder didn't respond immediately with a snarky quip. Neo turned to her new partner, only to see the insane woman staring straight out ahead with eyes wide as the moon, and her mouth hanging open in pure delighted shock. Cinder slowly—_very slowly _—turned her head towards Neo, unable to contain her excitement.

"Neo…"

"No."

"I have an idea."

"No."

"We'll fuck her _friends_," Cinder said in awe of herself. "We'll capture her and her stupid teammates, and then we'll fuck everyone _except_ for her. It would be the last thing her silver eyes ever see: Her friends caught in an endless climax at our hands."

"No."

"Please, think about it," Cinder pleaded. "It works on so many levels. That blond boy with the dumb sword. I killed his girlfriend. Can you imagine how darkly delicious it would be if I made him cum inside me while bragging about how I shot his woman through the heart with a glass arrow? He's probably still a virgin, so it would be like I'm violating him sexually _and _spiritually. Oh, that would be so hot…"

"That wouldn't be… hey, where's your hand?" Neo asked suddenly.

"And that Schnee girl as well," Cinder moaned, licking her lips. "I've already penetrated her once if you know what I mean. It would be phenomenal to do it again." She gasped. "You could fuck her spear wound with your monster cock!"

"One, I don't have that, and two… are you fucking masturbating right now?"

Cinder threw her head back in ecstasy, a guttural growl ripping threw her throat. Her hand was buried beneath her thighs, and the ship rocked as she stopped focusing on flying and focused more and more on fucking.

"Neo, this plan… it's so _good_! Why didn't I think of this sooner? I've been so obsessed with murder for my entire life that I never thought about sex! There are so many ways that you can sexually torment people in addition to physically and emotionally tormenting them. So many sexy possibilities! It's like my eyes have been opened for the first time in my life, and now I can see the perverted rainbow of my dreams!. I can't believe I seriously never thought of this before!"

Neo watched with disgust as Cinder pulled her fingers out of wherever they were hiding and brought them to her lips. They were glistening with _something _that she didn't want to think about, and she had to turn away with a blush as Cinder sloppily licked them clean. She was thankful that at the bare minimum they were her human fingers and not her Grimm ones, but honestly, that wasn't really much of an improvement.

"You… you are a sick lady, Cinder," Neo said disappointedly.

"Oh, please. Like your honestly telling me that you haven't thought of ravaging that busty blonde?"

Busty blonde? The one she fought on the train? Neo could definitely agree that she was hot. Like, she wasn't into girls or anything, but the Huntress was undoubtedly an attractive person. If Neo was ever to have a sexy lesbian experience—which she _wouldn't_—she wouldn't mind having it with someone like Yang, who had a nice figure and was of a similar age and likely had an ass that could easily fit her monster cock like a Snuggie… wait, she didn't have a monster cock! And she didn't know what a Snuggie was! She furiously shook her head, and pointed furiously at Cinder.

"Hey, we are getting way off track here!" she declared. "You hired me to help kill Ruby and steal a magical lamp, not engage in your wild fetishes. We are not straying from that, and I don't want to hear any more about this."

"Come on, Neo. Have a little fun."

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty ppplllllleeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssseeeeee?"

Neo paused for a moment.

"No."

Cinder sowled. "Oh, you're a loser. Caramel fucking… bitch-ass mother… grumble grumble…"

"Wait," said Neo, "did you just say 'grumble grumble' out loud?"

"Don't judge me while I'm grumbling!" Cinder shouted, returning her focus to flying the plane. Neo decided that it would be best to go back to pretending she couldn't talk. Honestly, it was a lot simpler than having to deal with other peoples' shit. No one ever talked about their fetishes to the mute lady. Unfortunately, there were still many long hours before they arrived in Atlas, and there was still an awfully long amount of time to kill. However, she had a bright idea; with a smirk, she pulled out her Scroll, plugged in her headphones, pulling up her favorite album.

"_So, there I was with a tray of salmon," _Tessa Tassanova said in her usual wacky ways. She sounded like a bad Liza Minnelli impersonation, a person Neo knew, but also didn't. _"And I asked myself… Am I Fisher John's Lake on a Merry Spoolday without my Weifer Paddle? Because I'm flakier than Clara Teeb's third Sammy-award winning hip-hop record!"_

Neo chuckled and sighed lovingly. Classic referential comedy.

* * *

"And _that_ was the story of how Ren got inflicted with Eterna Hotness!" Nora stated, concluding her tale. The rest of the room stared at her in stunned silence, their mouths agape as their pathetic minds tried to process the ludicrous levels of perversion that was just laid out before them. It was so terrible, so disturbed, so overwhelmingly sexy and hot and taboo that it made Team RWBY's story seem like a day at church by comparison. It was certainly too sexy for the young baby, who's mother desperately took him out of the room the second the mention of nipple clamps came into the picture. His other mother, Terra, simply stared off into nothing, the perversions having been so intense that her brain literally shut off forever. Qrow drank himself to a state of near-death. Oscar somehow retreated back into his own mind like Ozpin had, leaving him much like Terra, a lifeless husk incapable of engaging with the world around him. Jaune felt so ashamed over his teammates' actions that he had retreated to an infant-like state, sucking his thumb and rolling on the floor. Team RWBY just… they just looked at them. Like... damn.

Ren, somewhat embarrassed, slumped down on the couch in shame, while Nora just sat up proudly, arms clasped to her waist and a large grin on her face.

Weiss nervously cleared her throat. "So… by any chance… is the lobster—"

Ren screamed in horror. "It's still up there and we can't get it out!"


	8. Bonus 2: New Model

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coronavirus is temporary. Fanfiction is forever.

"Penny, I… I can't believe it. You're alive!" Ruby screamed with delight.

It was like something out of a dream. Too good to be true. After weeks of tribulations, Team RWBY had finally arrived in Atlas, but unfortunately, they had discovered that their problems were far from over. Aside from the increasingly authoritarian nature of the state, Grimm were constantly launching attacks on Mantle. With many of the city's Huntsmen occupied elsewhere, the small city would have been completely defenseless—if it were not for the great Protector of Mantle. It was unbelievably difficult for Ruby to accept that Penny was still alive. She had witnessed the girl cut into pieces by the hands of the vulnerable Pyrrha, who herself was manipulated by Cinder Fall to perform the terrible act. She thought Penny was lost to her forever. But now, they were reunited. Together once more.

A lot had happened over the past few days. They had been arrested, learned of General Ironwood's plan to launch a satellite high into the atmosphere, and had even begun training under the tutelage of the ever-miraculous Ace Ops. Not only that, but they also got some bitchin' new outfits! It was really something to behold. And now, several days removed from their first meeting, the young recently-declared Huntsmen and Huntresses were relaxing in their new dorms, enjoying the company of one another in a very friendly and not-in-the-slightest sexual manner. It was a very refreshing change of pace, and Ruby was quite glad to be taking part in it.

"Yeah, Penny, you got fucked up," Yang stated, lounging on her bunk as Blake rested her head in the girl's lap. "You were literally quartered. Did that, like, hurt?"

"Yang, come on now," Weiss scolded her. "I'm sure Penny doesn't want to talk about that. It must be traumatic."

"Oh no," Penny insisted sweetly. "I think that's a perfectly natural question to have. In truth, I don't remember much of the incident. My processors shut off once my torso was punctured, so it was kind of like falling into a deep, gentle sleep."

"Wow, that must have been weird," said Jaune. "I can't imagine what that's like."

"It would be hard for the rest of you to understand," Penny explained. "Thankfully, my father was able to recover my memory core and rebuild my model to be better than ever before. In some ways, it was almost like getting an upgrade."

"Wish I could do that," Nora sighed peacefully. "You know, just throw the old body out and put a new one on. The best thing I can do is just get a haircut. Speaking of which, I _love _your haircut, Blake."

"Aw, thanks, Nora," Blake said, gently floofing up her hair. "I thought a change was necessary after our encounter with Adam."

Ah, yes, the encounter with Adam. How would Blake ever forget that little mishap? It occurred right when their plan was underway to steal an airship to travel to Atlas. Blake was supposed to be disabling a security tower, but then that worthless fuckboy Adam showed up ranting and raving about how she left him, and how she broke his heart, and how he was such a troubled little emo boy, and blah, blah, blah, whine, whine, whine. They ended up having an awesome sword battle across a forest which ended at a dope waterfall setting. He almost ended up killing her, but thankfully, her hot girlfriend Yang arrived just in time to smack him with her motorcycle and beat the ever-living shit out of him. It was actually _way _easier than they expected. Yang overpowered him easily and pinned him down by his throat, slapping him in the face as Blake stood by his side and repeatedly stomped him in the groin, over and over and over again.

"_How do you like that, you little bitch?" _Blake had screamed at his punk-ass. _"Stalk me across Mistral, you rapey cunt? Fuck you, bitch!"_

"_Take that fuckface!" _Yang also screamed at him. _"You like my fucking hand on your face, bitch? Huh? Do ya, bitch?"_

"_Beat the shit out of him!"_

"_Kiss our lesbian asses, you fucking whore!"_

"_Don't fuck with the dyke squad, bitch!"_

"_Yeah, bitch! We're gonna gay you up, motherfucker!"_

"_Beat your fucking dick in, you little loser!"_

"_Yeah, don't fuck with us!"_

"_Lick our fucking clits, you piece of shit!"_

"_Yeah, you little shit!"_

"_Fuck you!"_

"_Fuck you!"_

"_Bumblebee for motherfucking life, motherfucker!"_

It was a horrible, cruel beating, especially when Yang joined Blake, repeatedly punching Adam in the dick over and over and over as Blake continuously stomped on it. The two had started making out with each other as they kept on punching and kicking Adam in the dick, passionately shoving their tongues down each other's throats as they kept beating him up. Just… just kept on beating him up. For at least twenty consecutive minutes. Twenty minutes of dick smashing and tongue sucking. They didn't even stop to breathe. They just punched and kicked and punched and kicked, and then at some point, Adam simply died from being a giant loser. They then made out for another ten minutes, and then Blake spit into Yang's mouth, and then Yang spit that spit onto Adam's corpse, and then they skipped off toward the giant robot battle happening less than a mile away from them.

Blake sighed lovingly, finishing her dive into her memories. Good times.

"Anyway, I can tell that you got some upgrades, Penny," Blake stated. "You were absolutely incredible out there. You must be way stronger than before."

"Oh, yes," Penny nodded. "My upgrades are numerous. I have doubled the number of swords I am able to store and utilize at a single time, and my rockets can now propel me thirty percent faster than my previous model. My weight limit has been increased by fifteen percent as well, meaning that I am stronger than ever before."

Penny gave a slight flex of her muscle to show off—something she had learned from watching the showboating of Beacon students. Yang grinned and showed off her own muscles, and the small show of competition between the two girls was enough to draw some small laughs out of the group.

"Also, since we're talking about haircuts, yours looks pretty good, too," Ruby stated.

"So, does yours," Penny responded sweetly, causing Ruby to blush. "And yours too, Weiss."

"Thank you," Weiss said kindly. "I find it somewhat surprising that Pietro was willing to change your hair. It seems like a bit of an unnecessary adjustment."

Penny gasped. "Oh, no! It is absolutely necessary! Father finds it very important to upgrade cosmetic elements of my model as well as those which assist me in combat. You will also notice that my eyes are two percent larger, my vagina is ten percent tighter, and my fingernails now have a more rounded shape. There are additionally seventy-two elements of my physiology which have been altered very slightly in order to create the appearance of a more friendly, welcoming protector than otherwise—"

"Wait," said Yang, sitting up on the bed. "Hold on. Go back to that previous one."

Penny looked confused. "Which one?"

The room suddenly became very quiet. The Huntsmen and Huntresses glared at each other, sensing something was very wrong. Weiss, in particular, was bracing herself for the worst of it.

Ruby stammered awkwardly. "Did… did you say that your _vagina_ was ten percent tighter?"

Penny nodded enthusiastically. "Yes. Why do you ask?"

Blake scratched the back of her head. "Uh, why do you have a vagina? And why is it ten percent tighter?"

Penny beamed proudly. "Why, for hardcore fucking, of course!"

Weiss immediately threw her head into her hands. Oh, no. Not again. Oscar, who had been quietly enjoying himself in the corner, simply up and noped himself right out of the room, unwilling to put up with any more sexual bullshit. Jaune bowed his head, Ruby scooched slightly away from Penny, but Blake and Yang—they sat up in the bed excitedly.

"Hardcore fucking?" they shouted in unison.

"Oh, yes," Penny said, innocently as ever. "You see, my duties as Protector of Mantle extend far beyond protecting the citizens from Grimm. I am also programmed to provide them with any necessary emotional and physical support that I can, and my father determined that in times of extreme stress, one of the easiest ways to mitigate negative emotions was to, and I'm quoting him here…" Penny cleared her throat. "'Fuck their brains out with your hot robot ass, you filthy cumslut.' He was _very _particular with the wording."

"So, wait a second," Yang said, already beginning to drool. "You're literally programmed to have crazy hot sex with people?"

"Indeed, I am," Penny said proudly. "I currently contain the knowledge of ten thousand, one hundred and ninety-seven sexual techniques to pleasure those with male, female, and a wide variety of intersex characteristics. I have over two hundred thousand pornographic films downloaded into my memory banks, and using highly adaptable personality development software, I am able to calculate the exact kinks, fetishes and positions that will derive the maximum amount of pleasure from any human or animal I come across."

"A-Animal?" Ruby shouted, pressing a hand to her heart—a heart whose beat was growing faster by the second. Penny shrugged.

"Dogs get scared, too, Ruby."

"Okay, hold the fucking phone for a second!" Weiss screamed, interrupting the debauchery before it even had a chance to begin. "First of all, how long has this been a thing? Second of all, why a ten percent vagina tightening? Third of all, why _anything_? Fourth of all… just… just… oh, fuck me."

"To answer your questions in order," Penny explained. "This has been a thing since my original model, although back then it was only in the testing phase. The ten percent threshold was determined by my father to be the perfect levels of tightness to squeeze and massage the shaft while still allowing it ease of entry. We initially tried a twenty-five percent increase, but…" Penny pursed her lips uncomfortably. "Well, let us say that several innocent test subjects had their genitals forcibly separated from their bodies by the clenching of my vagina."

Blake licked her lips. "That's hot."

"Third, I do not have an answer for the question of anything," Penny continued. "I think that's beyond my reach. But if you do desire to have sex with me, then I believe that we can arrange to do that right now."

"I—wait, no! That's not what I meant!" Weiss said quickly, waving her arms around frantically.

"Are you sure?" asked Penny. "I come equipped with many tools that can assist in your pleasure. In addition to my moist and tender pussy, I also come equipped with an extendable fifteen-inch cock that I can use to rapidly pound into what hole you deem with extreme vigor. Additionally, based on my readings, it might interest you to know that my grip strength is equivalent to that of five hundred men."

"Penny, I don't—"

Then Weiss froze. Did she say _five hundred men_? That… that was a lot of strength. Weiss could imagine it, lying naked on the ground, her sex fully exposed to the cold Atlesian air, Penny hovering over her in reverse, grabbing her by the neck and shoving a giant metallic shlong into her throat over and over, driving it deep into her windpipe, crushing her completely, practically killing her as her cock and her grip made it impossible to breathe as her orgasm exploded—

"Me first!" Yang suddenly screamed, almost scrambling off the bed as Blake held her back.

"No! Me!" the Faunus screamed, throwing her hand in the air like a needy schoolchild. She suddenly gasped. "Wait… can you do me and Yang _together_?"

"Oh, Blake," Penny smiled. "I can fuck every single person in this room simultaneously!"

It was a comment such as that which got Nora and Ren interested. While poor virgin Jaune sat awkwardly on the floor, the two sexual tyrannosauruses jumped to their feet and began eagerly approaching Penny, pinching their fingers as they reached towards her, grinning sadistically.

"Hey, Penny," Nora whistled. "Wanna read _my _fetishes?"

"Okay, Nora," Penny shrugged. "It says here that you…" Penny's eyes suddenly went wide, and all of the hope and love on her face immediately disappeared into tyrannical existential despair. "Oh… Oh my God…"

Penny was suddenly grabbed from behind, Yang and Blake each grabbing one of her arms. Penny grinned nervously at the two of them while Ren and Nora went to work starting to undo the buttons on her blouse.

"Any chance you have some special Faunus techniques?" Blake cooed.

"I would _love _to see how you handle my Semblance," Yang smirked.

"Oh… yes, of course," Penny stuttered as Nora started to pull off her skirt. "Anything for my friends."

Ah, yes. Friends. They were all her friends. And she had been without them for such a long time that some bonding was certainly in order. What a better way to reunite with the people she cared about than by passionately fucking, sucking and pleasuring them until they passed out? After all, wasn't that precisely what the Protector of Mantle was supposed to do? Her father didn't create her with the world's perkiest tits for nothing after all! Nora, Ren, Yang, and Blake—those four had undoubtedly been through a lot of terrible things on their journey to Atlas. If she was able to make their day by giving them full reign to fuck around with her killer body, then dammit, that was something she was going to do! She was Penny Polendina, the Horniest, Sluttiest Sexbot in Human History! She instinctively spread her legs.

But then, much to the surprise of everyone, Ruby suddenly jumped to her feet, screaming mad. "Hey! What the fuck is wrong with you all!"

Everyone froze in place. Penny, with her legs spread wide and skirt, pulled halfway down her thighs revealing a complete lack of panties, Ren with his fingers massaging her breasts, Nora with her tongue pressed against Penny's naval, and Blake and Yang each with their teeth gently biting into Penny's ears. Ruby threw her fists down, sneering and breathing heavily. Weiss and Jaune looked on, stunned at the sudden change of pace.

"I… I can't believe all of you!" Ruby cried. "Didn't we have a whole discussion about how we weren't going to act like crazed sexual deviants anymore? That lasted, what, less than a day? All it took was one mention of fucking, and you all descend into slack-jawed, horny little sluts who can barely keep yourselves from rubbing your crotches all over this Academy!"

Yang groaned. "Oh, come on, Ruby. We're just having a little fun."

"Don't give me that shit, Yang!" Ruby cried. "You've fucked enough people in the last few weeks. You need to concentrate on the things that matter, like protecting Atlas."

"But she said she had a fifteen-inch cock!" Yang pleaded with puppy dog eyes. "Do you know what I can do with that? She can penetrate my cervix, hook the tip of her dick inside me, and then pull it out to prolapse my whole uterus. She can _literally _fuck me inside-out, Ruby!"

Ruby crossed her arms, wincing. "First of all… _ow_. But second, haven't you had enough fetishistic shit happen to you recently? I mean, you literally gave my mom a titjob while I ate _your _mom's cum out of your _own _asshole. That's pretty intense."

Blake looked at Yang curiously. "Wait, when the fuck did that happen?"

"At the farmhouse," Yang explained. "It was when you were passed out."

Blake pouted. "Aw, man! I knew I missed some good shit. That sounds hot as fuck."

"Oh, it was," Yang nodded. "Insanely hot. At least six thousand bang units."

"That's not a real number of bang units."

Yang thought about that for a moment and then gave up. "Well, it was still hot."

Weiss stood up, joining Ruby and standing by her leader's side. "Yeah, this is too far. Blake, you need to stop encouraging this shit. All of this kinky garbage was fun when we were trapped at Brunswick, but now we have serious responsibilities. We need to focus our efforts on being the best Huntresses we can be, and while for Penny, that might mean handing out blowjobs like they're free samples at the farmer's market, for us, that means training and hard work."

Blake whimpered, her ears drooping down. "But… but I wanted to eat a robot pussy."

"No! Bad Blake! Very bad Blake!" Weiss said sternly. Jaune rose off his feet as well.

"Yeah, and to add to that—"

Ruby's eyes went wide and she let out a banshee's scream. "_Oh my God, Jaune, shut the fuck up!"_

Weiss exploded, pointing at the floor. _"Stay the fuck out this, you ignorant asshole!"_

Jaune sighed, and took a seat on the floor once again, continuing to be useless.

Ruby recomposed herself and took a deep breath. "Nora, Ren, stop taking Penny's clothes off."

Nora, tongue still pressed against Penny's smooth naval, whimpered audibly. "Buh why? I wamma fum her."

"Because," Weiss explained, "I don't think Penny is going to be able to handle the two of you, and Mantle needs its Protector in the best possible state. Also, Ren still has his _problem_, and I think that might make executing some of your kinks a little more difficult."

Ren nodded solemnly. "She's right, Nora. That lobster isn't going to like any disturbances."

Nora rolled her eyes, removing her head from Penny's bellybutton. The four deviants released their grasp on the animatronic fuckbot and returned to their beds, disappointed but ultimately understanding. While they weren't able to bang the hell out of Penny, there was nothing that said that later in the night, while Ruby and Weiss were asleep, they could not engage in some one-on-one intimacy with each other. Yang and Blake had managed to get a lot of mileage off the mental image of kicking Adam repeatedly in the nuts, and Nora and Ren were always able to come up with something fucked up if they so desired. As for Penny, she didn't actually experience any disappointment or latent horniness herself, so she would be fine. She returned to her feet and casually put her clothing back on, buttoning up her blouse and refastening her skirt around her waist. Ruby and Weiss gently took her by each hand, and—deciding that it was best to let the girl get some fresh air away from the nastiness—guided her out of the room and down the hallway, leaving their teammates to hopefully not have a crazed orgy behind their backs.

Carrying Penny away, Weiss sighed dejectedly. "Man, what is wrong with those guys?"

Ruby awkwardly glanced at her feet. "Well, in total fairness, you did facefuck me pretty hard while we were back in the farm."

"Yeah, but that was back then," Weiss explained. "We have different priorities now. I'd be more than happy to facefuck you again when this is all over."

That wasn't the answer Ruby was expecting, but it was slightly comforting. She supposed that since Weiss's feelings were out in the open, there was no particular reason to deny it. Weiss _was _pretty hot, and she was pretty awesome in all sorts of different ways. But, of course, Huntress-ing came first and foremost. They would have plenty of time for sex and romance after Atlas was safe.

Penny, not privy to any of these thoughts, shrugged. "It _is _a shame that you don't want to facefuck. Just yesterday, I downloaded a new patch that gave me thirty-five new facefucking techniques that are Grimm-dildo compatible."

Ruby and Weiss froze in their tracks.

Weiss glimpsed back. "Did… did you say facefucking…"

Ruby gulped. "W-With Grimm dildos?"

Penny nodded sadly. "Yes. And they are _massive _dildos. Lifesized plus artificial cum generation. They would stretch out your pussies and pump so much fake semen into you that your bellies would burst. But I suppose we'd never find out now."

And then Ruby looked at Penny.

And then Weiss looked at Ruby.

And then Ruby looked at Weiss.

And then Weiss looked at Penny.

And then Ruby looked at Weiss.

And then they both looked at Penny.

And then Penny looked at the both of them.

And then they grinned.

"I mean," Weiss said slowly, "it would be a _tremendous _waste of resources."

"Very astute point, Weiss," Ruby said with a subtle nod. "And really, wouldn't we be doing it for the sake of scientific knowledge?"

"We would be, yes," Weiss agreed, licking her lips. Before Penny had any clue what was happening, the two of them tightened their grip and her wrists and ran off with her, searching for the closest empty room they could find. Penny happily sighed to herself. Apart for so many months, and now she would be able to show Ruby and Weiss just how much she loved them—by fucking them with massive Grimm dildos until their brains went numb, and then likely fucking the rest of their teammates in a crazed, cum-drunk orgy.

What a great way to spend time with friends.


	9. Act II: Finding New Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's back motherfuckers. The worst story ever written. Time to take this shit to another level. And trust us, you ain't seen nothing yet...

"Okay, just hear me out."

"You know, nothing good ever came out of your mouth after you've said that."

"Tons of good ideas have come out of my mouth. This is the best one yet."

"I can guarantee it will not be."

Yang brushed her girlfriend's complaints to the side. "Oh, humbug. Anyway, here's what I'm going to be proposing to Ironwood: official Huntress uniforms."

Blake was taken by surprise. "Oh. I was expecting worse."

"See? I'm reasonable," Yang explained. They were walking back to their room after a long day of Huntress-ing, which was usually the time of day when Yang had her worst ideas. Blake blamed the adrenaline. Whenever Yang got hyper, she tended to lose it. It was also, coincidentally, the times when she got the best sex, and that was probably why she was willing to put up with most of Yang's nonsensical bullshit. This, however, was not nonsensical bullshit—at the moment.

"Why uniforms?"

"I feel like it would bring a sense of unity, you know," Yang explained. "Something to show the world that we're Team RWBY, and we're back together as a family, and we're gonna kick their asses, and that we're hot as hell!"

"Yeah, that sounds great," Blake agreed. Then, she did a double-take. "Wait… hot as hell? Yang, what do these uniforms look like?"

"Duh!" Yang laughed at her. "Their swimsuits!"

Blake facepalmed. "What?"

"Come on! What else would they be beside super-thin G-string bikinis?" Yang asked doubtingly. "Just imagine us soaring through the air, tits ready to burst from our tops, descending to the earth and crushing the Grimm beneath our long, slender legs. Ass cheeks everywhere. Breasts bouncing. Sunglasses on. It would be super dope."

They arrived outside of their dorm room, and Blake leaned against the frame, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Yang, don't be ridiculous."

"What? Don't you think that'd be super hot?" Yang pouted.

Blake groaned. "_Obviously_, it's super hot! Who doesn't love ladies kicking ass in as little clothing as possible? But Ironwood isn't going to approve that. He's like a full-blown fascist. Promiscuous women are like poison to him."

"Then let us _be _his poison!" Yang declared boldly. "We'll show up in his office all dressed up, and then I'll bend over so that he basically sees my whole asshole, and then he'll _have _to let us do it."

Blake sighed and pushed open the door to their room. "Honestly, I just don't think that he'd—"

Blake froze and gasped in shock. Upon entering their room, they were immediately greeted with the sight of Nora lying on her back in Yang's bunk, completely nude, legs spread wide and shoving some large, phallic object directly up her ass. A Scroll was in her other hand, and she was holding it up in front of her watching—by the sound of the video—some _very kinky_ shit on its holographic screen. She moaned disturbingly loud, practically in tears as she pumped the enormous dildo away at her ass, and she was in such heavenly bliss that she barely noticed her two friends enter the room. Blake cried out in horror, closing the door behind her so that no one would see the naked Huntress plowing herself on her girlfriend's bed. Yang rushed forward and smacked the Scroll out of Nora's hands, and Nora yelped in frustration as Yang began to chew the redhead out.

"What the actual fuck, Nora?" she screamed.

"Hey, I was watching that!" Nora protested, hand still resting on dildo and dildo still resting in ass. "They were just getting to the double penetration."

"I'm about to double penetrate your face if you don't tell me what it is you're doing on my bed!" Yang said, drawing back her fists and pumping the shotguns around her wrists. Nora rolled her eyes.

"Um… I'm masturbating? Pretty clear, if you ask me," she said casually.

"But why in _my bed_?" Yang demanded to know. "If you want to shove a…" She froze, her eyes growing wide. "Is that a cucumber?"

"Zucchini," Nora said with a nod. "The stem is currently inside me, so I get how it looks like a cucumber though."

"Whatever. My point is that if you want to do perverted shit, do it somewhere else," Yang said sternly.

"But Ren kicked me out of my room and I was horny!" Nora moped. The zucchini was still inside her and she had no intention of pulling it out anytime soon. "He got mad at me because he said I was being too rough with him… as if that's _ever _stopped him before. Coward."

"I don't give a shit," Yang said, taking a deep breath. "Ruby doesn't want us doing any more weird sex shit. If she catches you in our room with a zucchini up your ass, she'll kick _our _asses."

"But wouldn't you rather just join me instead?" Nora asked with a devious smirk.

"Yeah, obviously!" Yang said obviously. "I would do so much weird sex shit with that zucchini it'd blow your mind."

"And I would _watch _her do weird sex shit with that zucchini!" Blake called out from behind her.

"But that doesn't matter," Yang said. "I'm trying to be a normal person dammit. Now put on your pants and take your vegetable-fucked asshole out of my room before she gets back."

Nora sighed in defeat. "Fiiiiiiine. I'll leave. But can you at least help me get this zucchini out? I think it's stuck."

Yang groaned miserably. "Blake, can you turn off that porno while I help Nora?"

It had become an unfortunate standard practice for them to do things like this. A few months ago, they never would have imagined getting so intimate with each other. One vision of the future and a startling confession later, though, and everything got flipped on its head. Before, doing something like pulling a delicious vegetable out of her teammate's anal cavity would have been nothing more than a bizarre wet dream for Yang. But now, it was relatively tame. She could easily picture the ways in which it would be more fucked up. If she was eating the zucchini, for example, or if that zucchini was jammed up Ruby's ass instead of Nora, or if her mother was watching the whole thing with an amused smirk on her face while stroking her massive cock. She was thankful it was just a plain case of stuck zucchini instead. Far simpler. Blake agreed, too. It was for the best that they tried to put their kinky shenanigans behind them. No one needed any more of that when they were trying to save the world from the increasingly sexy Salem. They could not afford to be distracted by porn or sex.

That didn't mean they _weren't _distracted, however. Take, for example, the moment when Blake picked up Nora's scroll and accidentally caught a glimpse of the lewd images on the screen. It was, in a word, _intense_.

"Hey, Nora, you've got some good taste," Blake stated passively as Yang struggled to free the zucchini.

"Thanks, Blake. I put a lot of effort into—" She hissed suddenly as Yang pulled a teensy bit too sharply. "I try to find videos that entertain my mind as much as my pussy. You know what I mean?"

"Yeah, I feel you," Blake said, biting her bottom lip. "I can't watch any video that gets straight to the fucking, you know? Give me a story. A narrative. Character development. Make me feel something more than just another orgasm."

Nora nodded in agreement. Yang crawled onto the bed for better leverage, rising to her knees and wrapping both hands around the base of the zucchini. She gritted her teeth and pulled with all her might as Nora gasped and seized at the harsh movements within her.

"You got a… _oh my god_… you've got a point," she said through staggered breaths. "Though I also like those behind the… _good god, holy shit…_ behind the scenes videos also."

"Behind the scenes videos?" Blake asked.

With a sudden _pop_, the zucchini was freed, and the force sent Yang flying backward across the bunk. The vegetable sailed far across the room, smacking against the opposite wall with a heavy, moist fall before dropping to the floor. Nora released an orgasmic scream and plunged deep into the pillow beneath her, trembling and shutting her legs as she came down from the intense high she just experienced. After having a solid minute to breathe, she took a deep breath and looked up a Blake with a knowing smile.

"Yeah. Behind the scenes videos," she explained. "You know, where you get to see the makings of the porn and there are usually a bunch of funny outtakes with the crew. It's getting to see your favorite porn stars in a totally new light. You know… like they are actual people instead of sex toys for our amusement."

Actual people? Blake was stunned. Was that even possible? She had to see it to believe it. Yang could see her thought process playing out across her features, and she felt a sense of imposing dread. She was really trying to take her horniness hiatus seriously—okay, she wasn't really, but she liked to tell herself that she was taking it seriously, dammit! That had to count for something! Maybe? That Blake and her horny fantasies were going to ruin everything. She had to stop her before Ruby came back, before it was too late. Before the horniness took control of them yet again. However, Nora could also see where Blake was headed by her eager facial expressions, and before Yang could protest, Nora jumped up to her feet, and on shaky legs, she hurried to Blake's side, moving her fingers to the Scroll.

"Come on. Let's watch one together. You'll love it!"

Blake nodded excitedly, and before Yang could stop them, the two Huntresses were looking through the categories on .com for the most delectable behind the scenes video they could find. It did not take very long before they found what they were looking for.

"Here's a good one," Blake said happily. "'Sexy Lesbian Director Steps In To Show Male Star How It's Done.' Perfect!"

"Let's watch!" Nora said, clicking on the screen. They leaned into each other, Nora pressing her boobs up against Blake's back and resting her hands upon the Faunus's shoulders. After a fifteen second add for an online game that dared them not to cum, the video began. Yang could not see the video from her position on her bed, and she didn't dare try to look at it herself lest she relapse into Eternal Hotness. But the girls never bothered to turn down the audio from before, so she could clearly hear the events as they unfolded. She could only read the expressions on Nora and Blake's faces, and based on solely that, she determined that what they were watching was rather entertaining.

"_You like that, you dirty bitch?"_ the man in the porno said through his terrible acting.

"_Oh, yeah, give that monster cock to me, baby," _the woman said, her acting equally terrible.

Nora laughed and pointed. "Geez, look at his form. He's barely getting up inside her!"

Blake snickered. "Come on, man! You're in doggy style. You can go deeper than that!"

"_You like my dick, baby?"_

"_Yeah! I love your dick!"_

"She absolutely does _not_ love his dick," Nora said, her hand wandering down to her crotch. "You can see it all on her face."

"Yeah. She needs someone to come along and give it to her right," Blake moaned, licking her lips in anticipation. The faked orgasmic sounds continued on for a little longer, and the tension grew thicker and thicker, and their groins grew wetter and wetter, until finally, they heard a woman's voice calling from off the screen.

"_Cut! That's enough, Paulo!"_

Yang could not place it, but that voice… it sounded strangely familiar.

"Ooh, here she comes!" Nora gasped lustfully. "Oh, I hope she's blonde. Blondes are the best—except for my Ren, of course."

"I hope she has massive tits," Blake said, drooling over herself.

"_Is there something wrong?"_

"_I'm just not feeling the energy, Paulo. Let me show you."_

Yang did not see the director walk onto the screen. She did not see her gently push her male star off to the side and give him a quiet talking to. She did not see her mount the other girl from behind and gently move her into a more erotic position so that her ass would be better sticking up in the air for the camera. Blake and Nora saw this clearly, but Yang could only see their faces. They did not read like she expected them to. She thought they would start fangirling or screaming, or hell, even just start making out with each other in pure, unfiltered sexiness. Instead, she saw them stare blankly at the screen. First, in amusement. Then, in joking confusion. Then, in actual confusion. Then, in shock. Then, lastly, in unbridled, tearful bewilderment. Nora clasped her hand over her mouth, tears swelling up in her eyes. Blake's hand trembled so violently that she almost dropped the Scroll entirely, barely holding it in her fingertips. Yang was baffled how a sex scene could be so incredible that it would bring two of the filthiest sluts she knew to the emotional brink. But then, the female director spoke up again.

"_You see, Paulo," _she said distinctly, _"you really have to fuck her like this. Plunge yourself as deep as you can go."_

That voice… it couldn't be…

Yang bounded off the bed and crowded behind her teammates, and what she saw caused her mouth to drop open. She saw the standard porn bedroom, devoid of all furniture and reused in a thousand sex-laded shoots. She saw the star actress down on her forearms and knees, ass sticking so far up in the air it could touch the clouds, moaning into oblivion as she was given a proper fucking. And then, she saw the female director that was pumping into her, a strap-on placed over her otherwise totally normal and proper clothing. Yang recognized the young woman immediately. Her bright red hair cascading down her shoulder. Her sharp features. Her muscular build nearly ready to burst out of her blouse. And her stunning green eyes that spoke of stoicism and bravery in the face of battle… and the face of death.

"_So, if you do it like this," _the porn director said casually, driving her hips ferociously into the actress's pussy, _"I think you'll really improve the overall mood of this scene. Do you understand me, Paulo?"_

Nora fell to her knees in shock. Blake went numb. Yang instinctively reached forward and exited the video out of fullscreen. She scrolled down to the video description where the credits lied. She had to be mistaken. There was no way. No chance in hell. She read the names of the people in the video, and time stood still.

_Starring: Paulo Deranamo_

_Starring: Star Starbright_

_Directed by Nyrrha Pikos._


	10. Nyrrha Pikos - A True Auteur

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's still going and it will never stop. Enjoy.

Ruby couldn't believe her eyes. When Yang sat her down to watch a clip of porn on the internet, Ruby was admittedly pretty skeptical. "You have to watch this," Yang said anxiously. "It will blow your mind!" Of course, Ruby assumed that Yang was just going to try to get her hot and bothered so she could try sleeping with her again. It made perfect sense that Yang would steep to such dirty tricks to facefuck her own sister. And Ruby did have to admit, after she was shoved down onto her bed and had a Scroll thrust into her face, it was a pretty sexy video. But that wasn't the important part. The important part—the part that afterward shocked Jaune and Weiss and everyone else they showed it to—was that the woman driving a strap-on into another woman's cunt happened to look an awful lot like their deceased friend, Pyrrha Nikos.

"That can't be Pyrrha," Nora said rationally. Her team, Penny and Team RWBY sat haphazardly around their room, some pacing, some fidgeting, some completely frozen in shock. Oscar had asked to be a part of the conversation, but he was kicked out almost immediately. He was too young to see such naughty things. Plus, he never met Pyrrha. He wasn't a part of their crew. The Beacon Crew. The Crew from Beacon. That fucker only joined them in Mistral, and fuck all of that Mistral bullshit, they reasoned. Beacon Crew 4 Life.

"It looks just like her," Yang said incredulously. "And her name is Nyrrha Pikos! She's not even trying to be subtle!"

"It's probably just a lookalike with a pun-based named," Ren reasoned. "There's all sorts of celebritity porn impersonators out there. There's probably one for Pyrrha, too."

"No way. That's her," Jaune said, pacing back and forth. "I'd recognize her anywhere."

"It _has _to be an impersonator!" Weiss said boldly, throwing up her hands. "She died. She died super hard! Ruby, didn't you literally see Pyrrha get disintegrated?"

"Hmm?" Ruby said, slightly out of it. "Oh, yeah. That totally happened. Not only that, but right before, she was shot through the heart with an arrow. She couldn't have survived."

"And if she did, why would she be directing porn?" Nora said, trying to convince herself more than anyone else. "Pyrrha was a total prude. She wouldn't even let Ren and I finger her under the table in history class. Plus, wouldn't she give us a phone call, at least? Let us know she was okay? It just doesn't make sense."

"I will say that it is hard to get in touch with you," Penny noted with a kind smile. "I was alive for a very long time before any of you knew about it. The reception up here is just terrible."

"We need to find out more about this Nyrrha Pikos lady," Ruby stated. Blake suddenly jumped to her feet triumphantly.

"Already done!" she declared, whipping out her Scroll. "I've been spending the past twelve hours doing nothing but watching this lady's porn videos. Let me tell you, it is _extensive_."

"What are you waiting for?" Yang asked, trying to act like she wasn't extremely excited by the prospect of watching Pyrrha Nikos's adult film collection. "What's the deal with this lady?"

Blake beckoned them toward her, and the Huntsmen and Huntresses all gathered together in a big pile in front of Blake, nervously looking at the screen as Blake ran through the results of her "research."

"So, as it turns out, this Nyrrha Pikos lady first appeared on the scene two months after the fall of Beacon," she explained, pulling up the woman's PornKingdom profile. On the holographic screen appeared a photo of the woman posing seductively for the camera in striking red lingerie, her hair tied back in a manner that made her familiar facial expressions all the more recognizable. "She started out as an actress doing all of your basic shit. Your bukkake gangbangs. Your girl-on-girl. Your anal fisting. You know, the usual stuff. She even did a step-mom/step-daughter video once, which was…" She shrugged. "You know, it was fine, but the actress playing the mom didn't really seem to commit to the role and—"

"Get on with it, Blake!" Weiss screamed at her.

"All right! Jeez! I'm getting there!" Blake said defensively. "Anyway, it seemed like after a few months, she decided to do what every actor dreams of doing: directing. She joined the _Scissor Girl Productions _company and has released thirteen films in total in the past year, including fan favorites such as _Bang These Fat Whores 3, Presents for Daddy's Dick, _and _T-Girl Domination 12_."

Yang nodded in approval. "Wow, that's so nice of her! Very inclusive tastes, Nyrrha."

"But that's not the craziest part," Blake said, bouncing up and down excitedly. "At some point, she decided to take on larger, more ambitious projects. She eventually took on the role of writing and directing a five-part pornographic miniseries called _The Guzzler_—an epic neo-noir drama about a blonde bombshell dame who goes on a serial killing spree by sucking off men so hard that they die. It was shot entirely and black and white except for dramatic splashes of color used during the sex scenes, and it had a fully orchestrated jazz soundtrack. It was smooth, stylistic, bold, and I swear that during the final scene, I was crying just as hard as I was cumming. It was _that damn good_."

Weiss pursed her lips. "You know, we don't need to hear the details of your masturbation habits… again…"

"But I'm not the only person who masturbated to this," Blake explained further. "Tons of people did, because _The Guzzler _ended up getting nominated for seven Adult Film Awards!"

The group collectively gasped in shock.

"Seven AFAs?" Nora said in disbelief. "That's so prestigious."

"Yeah. That's really something," Ruby agreed, making a mental note to look up _The Guzzler _when the others weren't around. For research purposes, of course.

"Did she win?" Yang begged to know.

Blake somberly dropped her head. "No. Despite critical acclaim, the awards were swept by _Bang These Fat Whores 4._ A horrible cruel twist of fate. She left the Awards sad and dejected."

The gang sighed in disappointment. Once again, they had been let down by the realities of the mainstream artworld. It was constantly stated that people no longer desired tired, cliché formulas, that they wanted to expand their horizons and partake in art that truly stretched their imaginations and, perhaps, their very souls. _The Guzzler _was all the critics and the cynics had ever asked for, a beautiful, pornographic package that inspired so many across Remnant, but at the end of the day, did it receive its recognition? Did it receive its praise? No… it fell victim to the inane commercialist culture that consumed all things. It fell to the tired and cliché. It fell to the unimaginative and profane. It fell to _Bang These Fat Whores 4_—a truly terrible waste of cinema. Not only was it a loss for Nyrrha Pikos, famed possible-Huntress-turned-porn-star-turned-adult-film-director; it was a loss for humanity.

Ruby stood up, a sudden sense of pride washing over her. "We… we need to track down this Nyrrha Pikos. She sounds too important to go unnoticed by society."

"I agree," Yang said, rising as well and placing a hand on Ruby's shoulder. "If the Adult Film Awards won't honor this lady, then at least we have to! Just to stick it to the man!"

"Exactly!" Nora agreed. "Let's stick it to the man, dammit! Let's give that Nyrrha Pikos some lovin'. Right, Ren?"

"Yes. It does sound like a good way to spend the weekend," he figured, a trillion perverted thoughts running through his brain.

"That's true," Jaune said cautiously. "And also, we should see her because, you know… she's maybe our friend that we thought died a year ago. Maybe that's… maybe that's also something?"

He was met with silence. A long silence. Then, Ruby cleared her throat.

"Oh. Yeah," she stated awkwardly. "That, too."

Weiss, however, suddenly groaned and rose to her feet, placing her hands on her hips. "Now wait just a second. We can't just up and leave Atlas to go chase a porno director, even if she was our friend. We'd be leaving the city defenseless. Plus, we don't even know where she is!"

Blake laughed. "Oh, silly, Weiss. Never knowing what you're talking about. She's in Mantle?"

Weiss gasped. "She is?"

"Duh!" Blake mocked her teammate. "Where else would you be able to film _Arctic Hooker Blowjobs_?"

Weiss had not the slightest goddamn clue. She didn't put a lot of thought into those types of questions. While she pondered such a deep, important philosophical question, the others began excitedly murmuring to themselves. Getting to visit the set of an AFA-nominated director? Getting to give a person love and joy that they desperately needed and deserved. There was nothing better than that. It was why they became Huntresses in the first place. It would be an absolutely wonderful, sexy, sexy, _sexy _time.

Oh, and they would maybe get to see if Pyrrha faked her death or whatever.

* * *

"No, no, a little wider, honey," Nyrrha Pikos instructed. The porn star, lying flat on the bed with a hundred lights and cameras surrounding her, spread her legs as wide as she possibly could, but it was still not to the director's satisfaction. "Is that the farthest you can go?"

"Sorry, I didn't do gymnastics," the porn star admitted. "Also, my thighs really hurt. Can we take a break?"

Nyrrha groaned. A break, she said. Breaks can't be taken when art had to be made! She needed those legs spread wider, wider than humanly possible. She wasn't just talking one hundred and eighty degrees. She wanted obtuse angles. She wanted those hips to pop out of their sockets. If she was going to be successful with _The Biggest Cock Plunge_, she needed an actress who could take the heat. And, you know, the cock. Yet she was constantly let down by those around her. She sighed and stepped out of her chair.

"I think we're going to take a break, everyone," she said in defeat. "Cynthia, you can put your pants back on if you'd like."

Cynthia placed her hands to her chin, deep in contemplation, her legs still wide. "Can I blow the camera guy instead? He's pretty hot."

Nyrrha sighed. "Sure, you can blow the camera guy."

"Woohoo!" shouted Cynthia, closing her legs.

"Woohoo!" shouted the camera guy, dropping his pants.

Nyrrha made her way to the door in dejected sadness. She had been in such a rut since her defeat at the AFAs. She thought for sure she had the Awards in the bag. She had received such kind words from everyone there. _Oh, you're a porn prodigy,_ they would tell her. _Best jerk-off I ever had_, they would cry. Yet when push came to shove, they gave her nothing. They instead went with that derivative garbage _Bang Those Fat Whores 4_. Unbelievable—the whores weren't even fat! They just had large butts! That's not fat. A _real _auteur would have hired actual obese women to take those ginormous dicks. That's what she did for _Bang Those Fat Whores 3_, but did she get respect? Nope. Sometimes she wondered why she even bothered. She could easily earn more money and respect just by producing trash, but where would the fun be in that? She needed something new, something daring, something that would shock the adult film world to its goddamn core. But alas, her imagination was drained. She was in a rut, and she didn't know if there was anything that could knock her out of it.

She walked down the steps of the fanciful house that she was using for shooting, and opened the front door. She expected to see the quiet streets of Mistral; instead, she saw eight people staring directly at her. Eight faces she recognized from a time before.

And the eight of them looked at Nyrrha.

And Nyrrha looked at the eight of them.

And the eight of them looked at Nyrrha.

And Nyrrha looked at the eight of them.

And the eight of them looked at Nyrrha.

And Nyrrha looked at the eight of them.

And the eight of them looked at Nyrrha.

And Nyrrha looked at the eight of them.

And the eight of them looked at Nyrrha.

And Nyrrha looked at the eight of them.

And Nyrrha turned and sprinted into the kitchen with a scream.

And the eight of them looked at Nyrrha sprinting into the kitchen.

And then Ruby screamed, too.

"Get her!"

The eight of them burst into the house, scrambling after the director, who dove headfirst behind the kitchen counter and immediately armed herself with a frying pan. She held it out in front of her, ready to swing at a moment's notice.

"Stay away from me!" she warned. "I'm going to start swinging, I swear to God!"

"Pyrrha, we just want to talk!" Jaune cried, trying to circle around the counter. She backed up, drawing back the frying pan while shrieking hysterically.

"Who's Pyrrha? I'm not Pyrrha!" she said desperately. "I'm Nyrrha! That's right! Nyrrha Pikos!"

"Pyrrha, just calm down," Ruby said, moving around the opposite side of the counter in an attempt to close the director in. "We're not here to hurt you."

"Yeah," said Blake. "We're massive fans of your films!"

"Stay the fuck away from me!" Nyrrha shouted, frantically sweeping the frying pan around her, ready to decapitate the first bitch to come at her. "I aint afraid to use this!"

"Pyrrha, stop freaking out!" Nora begged. "We're your friends? Do you remember us? Team JNPR?"

"Friends? I've never seen you before in my life," Nyrrha said, her eye twitching. "Get your stranger faces out of my face, you sickos. I'm not Pyrrha! I haven't been faking my own death!"

Yang raised an eyebrow, climbing on top of the kitchen counter to get a better vantage point. "That's a _really _suspicious thing to say if you weren't actually Pyrrha."

"I'm not Pyrrha!" said Nyrrha. "I'm Nyrrha Nikos—I mean, Pyrhha Pikos—I mean—"

"Okay, Pyrrha, that's enough," Jaune said soothingly, taking a cautious step toward her. He held up his arms in passivity. He waved the others off, and temporarily, they agreed. If anyone could get through to her, it was him. He was closer to her than anyone. He was her boyfriend, sort of, once upon a time. If Jaune Arc was going to stand up and do something good for the world, this would finally be the time to do so. He took a deep breath, and summoned his confidence and his empathy, and took another step forward, ready to reclaim the woman who loved him. "I know you are confused right now. We are, too. But if you would just listen to me—"

"Back off, fucker!"

Nyrrha drove the frying pan straight into his face, knocking him senseless. His teeth flew out of his mouth in a bloody splatter and he collapsed, sending the rest of the room into frozen shock. Nyrrha instantly dropped the frying pan, which clanged on the tiled floor, and he pressed her palms to her cheeks.

"Jaune! Oh my God, I'm sorry! That… that was _way harder _than I thought it would be."

Jaune said nothing. He may have been dead. None of them really wanted to check. Wait. They heard him moaning. Not dead. That was good. Realizing that he was still very much not dead, their attention all returned to Nyrrha, who awkwardly stared back at them, a cold sweat running down her forehead. She stammered, rubbing the back of her flowing red hair.

"Uh, I mean… not _Jaune_. I don't know who that is. Definitely don't… like, I totally wasn't in love with _that guy_. That would just be…" She breathed a sigh of disappointment. "Oh, dammit."

* * *

"How are you still alive?" Ruby asked. Once the dust from the kitchen had settled—and Jaune had been moved from lying on the floor in agony to lying on the couch in agony—the remaining Huntresses and Ren poured themselves some hot tea that they were then preparing to metaphorically spill all over the damn place. They all sat at various points on the floor in the sparsely decorated living room, while Nyrrha Pikos—or rather, Pyrrha Nikos—sat on the aging, red recliner, not with a cup of tea but a full bottle of red wine that she certainly was not old enough to be drinking. She didn't give a shit. Upstairs, she could hear the muffled sounds of her stars screwing the camera crew, but she couldn't be bothered to rain them in. She had much bigger shit to deal with.

"I… I don't know," Pyrrha confessed. "It's all sort of a blur."

"A blur?" Ruby asked incredulously. "You were shot through the heart and then turned to ash and blew off into the wind right in front of me."

"Yeah. Like I said: a blur," Pyrrha explained. "I remember Cinder standing over me, and then a stabbing pain in my chest, and then the next thing I know, I'm waking up naked on a beach two months later with no memory of who I am or how I got there. I wandered into the town, and a nice lady came up to me and started complimenting me on my body. She asked me if I was interested in making some money, and since I was naked and homeless, I agreed to it. When she asked me my name, I guess I remembered it sort of… incorrectly."

"So, you were recruited into doing porn just like that?" Yang said jealously. "Man, you always get the good breaks."

"I spent the next few months fucking a lot of people," Pyrrha said fondly. "Tall guys, short guys, really short guys, ladies with fake breasts, ladies with giant butts, people in Grimm outfits, etcetera. One day, I was taking this very hard pounding from behind, and the man's dick penetrated me so hard and deep that the tip of his penis slammed against my cervix."

Blake gasped excitedly. Weiss smacked her on the arm. Blake whimpered. Pyrrha continued.

"I guess that must have been my sweet spot, because all at once, my memories came rushing back to me," Pyrrha explained. "I remembered everything, and as the man came on my face, all I could think about was how I needed to get back in touch with everyone and tell them that I was okay."

"So why didn't you?" Nora asked sadly. "Why didn't tell us you were still alive?"

"I wanted to. Believe me, I did," Pyrrha said passionately. "But I was hit with an overwhelming shame. What was I supposed to tell you, or tell my parents? That I was alive but had become a filthy whore who millions of people had seen getting a train run on her on the internet? That would break my parents' hearts. I knew that I couldn't return to the world and disgrace my legacy like that. If I was to return to the public eye, I could only do it when I was proud of what I was—and it was that decision that led me to direct adult videos."

"Of course!" Blake stated with pleasant surprise. "_The Guzzler _wasn't just your artistic masterwork. It was also your ultimate redemption narrative."

"Exactly!" Pyrrha said, snapping her fingers. "The whole world had seen me fail at Beacon. But if I could make them all jack off to my award-winning motion pictures, then the Nikos name would have honor once again! I'm so sorry for not being able to tell any of you sooner."

Penny was the first one to speak up. "Hey, we all sometimes forget to tell people when we've returned from the dead. It happens."

"Thank you, Penny," Pyrrha said warmly. "Sorry for cutting you into pieces during the Vytal Festival."

"That's all right," Penny said with a smile. "I'll get my revenge soon enough."

Pyrrha blinked. "What?"

"What?" asked Penny innocently.

Pyrrha paused for a moment, then shook her head. "Anyway… I hope you all forgive me. I was planning on returning once _The Guzzler _won Best Picture but…"

Yang slammed her fist into her armchair. "Those goddamn fat whores stole your win from you!"

Pyrrha groaned. "Exactly. And now I don't know what to do. _The Guzzler _took everything out of me and it still wasn't enough. What could possibly be good enough to win at the AFAs without being a sellout."

Ruby tapped her fingers to her thighs and interjected. "Well, Pyrrha, I do have a suggestion."

"Really?" Pyrrha asked with a gleam of hope. "You have a good porno suggestion for me?"

Ruby scowled. "What? No. I was going to say that you should get out of the sex industry and become a Huntress again."

Pyrrha pursed her lips. "Yeah… no thanks."

Ruby couldn't believe her ears. She leaned forward in her chair. "No thanks?"

"No thanks. I'd rather stay here, honestly."

"But… but…" Ruby staggered. "You're like the greatest Huntress ever." Pyrrha simply laughed.

"Oh, you're too kind. I think the Huntress business was never really for me. Too much external pressure. I'd much rather challenge myself artistically, if that's all right."

"But we need you!" Weiss said desperately. "You could help us turn the tide against Salem!"

"I don't know who that is," Pyrrha confessed, "but I'm sure that whatever problems you are facing, you are more than capable of solving it together. There's no foe that you can't defeat if you work as a team." The others glanced uncomfortably at each other, and it didn't take long for Pyrrha to notice the tension moving through the room, spurred on by their nervousness. "Wait… did I miss something important since I've been gone?"

Ruby laughed somberly. "Um… you might want to take another sip of that wine. We've got some stuff to tell you about."

And so, Pyrrha downed her bottle of wine as Ruby told her _everything_. She told her about the orchestration of the Fall of Beacon, and how the Grimm were led by a bad bitch named Salem who Yang thought was super fucking hot. She explained the attack on Haven Academy that they thwarted, and the death of the White Fang, and how they got separated on a train, and how the Relic gave them powerful knowledge about the Two Brothers and Salem's backstory. They explained that Salem was immortal in every sense of the word, and how uniting the Relics together would summon the Gods back to Remnant to kill everyone unless Humanity had learned to put aside all its differences. She also, in a somewhat censored manner, explained an incident that occurred at Brunswick Farms that may have resulted in Team RWBY having an incestuous orgy. All throughout, Pyrrha sat in her recliner, taking in the story with wide, disbelieving eyes. When Ruby finally finished, the bottle of wine was empty, and Pyrrha burped as she contemplated all of the insane things she was just told.

"So, yeah… that's all of that," said Ruby, bowing her head. "Can you handle that?"

"Yeah. I think so," Pyrrha said hesitantly. "So, the only way to stop this Salem would be to bring the Gods back and make her no longer immortal?"

"We guess so?" Weiss said unsurely. "Or maybe Ruby can use her silver eyes? It's very unclear."

"I can tell," Pyrrha said, placing a finger to her chin. The wheels in her head were turning. The smallest seed of an idea was just beginning to take root. If only she could develop it further. "But if these Gods were to return to Remnant, they would smite all living creatures."

"Unless we resolve all differences," Blake stated. "In other words, yeah, they'll totally smite us."

"And you said you had an orgy with Salem?" Pyrrha asked. "You were able to take the Queen of Grimm, a woman who wants to commit genocide against humanity, and you were able to get away with her not killing you?"

"Yeah. She was fucking a genie or something," Yang said with a shrug. She gave a small smirk. "But I think she also found me cute."

The seed started to grow. The plan was formulated clearly. It might have been the alcohol, but she thought she was having a good idea. Pyrrha grinned to herself. Maybe, just maybe…

"Ruby, Yang, could you do me a quick favor?" Pyrrha asked calmly.

"What is it?" asked Ruby.

"Make out with each other for a few seconds."

Ruby gawked at the request. "Wait, are you serious? I'm not going to—"

"Done!" shouted Yang without another word, jumping to her feet. With boundless energy, she tackled Ruby to the floor and straddled her, and literally in a matter of milliseconds, before Ruby could protest or Weiss could scream or Ren could shove his hand into his pants, Yang shoved her tongue down her sister's throat. They began swapping sit right there on the floor, and Blake screamed in excitement at the taboo display of incestuous passion in front of her. Ruby resisted for half a moment, but she was too weak to stop herself from slathering her tongue deep inside her sister's cheeks, and the two made out for a solid ten seconds as everyone watched them in awe before they finally parted, lustful eyes meeting, a thin layer of spit connecting their lips. Yang flashed a smile at Pyrrha.

"Was that good enough?"

"Yes, yes. That's perfect!" Pyrrha said, happily springing to her feet. "I think I've found a way to defeat Salem and save Remnant."

The Huntresses—and Ren—shouted in unison. "_You_ _have_?"

"Think about it," Pyrrha said, her mind racing. "The Gods have the power to destroy Salem permanently, but we can't risk bringing them to Remnant unless we are sure that all of Humanity is united. We have to find something strong enough to unify every man, woman and child on this planet, and there's only one thing strong enough to bring people together no matter who they are or where they come from. Something so strong that it was able to pacify even Salem herself when you had your encounter with her."

Yang, still on top of her sex-drunk sister, looked at Pyrrha suspiciously. "Incest?"

"No! Well, yes. A little bit," Pyrrha said before finally confessing her plan. "I'm talking about _lesbians_. Everyone loves lesbians! Boys watch it. Girls watch it. Even the gays watch it for some reason! The sight of two hot women passionately bringing each other to the throes of orgasm is enough to build bridges between even the most bitter enemies. If we broadcast lesbian porn across all of Remnant, and then bring together the Four Relics just as everyone watching hits their climaxes, the world will be in perfect harmony as the Two Brothers arrive to judge us. They'll deem us united and worthy, they'll de-power Salem, and then we'll finally be able to destroy her and the Grimm once and for all!"

Her former friends looked at each other in disbelief. That plan was so crazy that no one would believe it had a chance in hell of working. Unite all of the Kingdoms through the power of lesbianism? And the Faunus too? Pyrrha was clearly drunk. Not thinking straight. Unless… no, it was impossible! Blake rose to her feet in protest.

"But, Pyrrha," she objected, "even though _we're _a bunch of fucked up, perverted cumsluts, that doesn't mean everyone in the world is. Lesbian porn has existed forever, and there are people out there who do object to it. Homophobes. Angry, jealous losers. Preachers. You can't expect any random porno to do the trick."

"That's why it's not going to be any old random lesbian porn," Pyrrha said wickedly. "It's going to be a porn that _I _direct—one starring each and every one of you."

They all jumped to their feet in shock. They couldn't believe their ears.

"Starring us?" Weiss exclaimed. "No way! I'm not a porn star!"

"We're only Huntresses," Nora protested. "Sure, we like to fuck around, but we're not professionals!"

Pyrrha threw her fist into the air triumphantly. "That's what makes it powerful! We're not going to show artificial orgasms and glued on titties. We're going to make an authentic, real expose on the erotic life of the whore-ish Huntresses that keep our world safe from evil. And not just you, either! If we're going to produce a lesbian epic capable of saving all of Humanity, we need all the help we can get. Friends, family, schoolmates, bitter rivals—we're going to recruit every hot babe we can find in Remnant and film the greatest girl-on-girl sex the world has ever seen. It will be a glorious orgy of enormous proportion that will extort wisdom through oral consumption and moral corruption! It will be my magnum opus! It will be… _Lesbians Save The World_!"

Ruby looked at Weiss.

And Weiss looked at Blake.

And Blake looked at Yang.

And Yang looked at Nora.

And Nora looked at Ren.

And Ren looked at Penny.

And Jaune lied on the couch in toothless misery.

And they all looked at Pyrrha Nikos/Nyrrha Pikos, Huntress extraordinaire and pornography auteur, her crazy, impossible idea running through their minds with all of its perverted implications.

As Huntress, they figured, it was their job to save the world. It would be unfair not to give it a try...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have a favorite character/ship/pairing scenario you would like to see with this premise, leave a comment below. We'll probably do it because we have nothing better to do.


	11. Making Compromises

The board room was colder than the frozen landscape outside. Winter never knew how that was possible. Maybe it was the constant cold presence of her father that sent such chills down her spine, even when he was no longer there. She sat pensively at the table, hands clasped together in front of her, back straight, staring at the woman across from her for whom she shared no goodwill. Why Robyn Hill was invited to the meeting she would never know. They were long-time political enemies, and even though she may have—to the tiniest degree—appreciated her message, it had been one of her central goals for the past several months to keep that woman out of that very board room for as long as possible. Yet now, that woman was alone with her in said boardroom—at the very behest of her own sister.

Weiss entered the room with a confident stride, Penny gleefully following her. A bold smile across her face Weiss took her proper seat at the head of the table and looked to both of the strong women with great satisfaction.

"Hello, Winter, Miss Hill. I'm so glad you could make it," she said warmly.

"Why did you summon me here?" Robyn asked, annoyed. "We're not friends. We're barely enemies."

"Speak for yourself," Winter sneered.

"Ladies, please, calm down," Weiss insisted. "I brought you here because for too long, the women of Atlas have been pitted against each other by the powers that be. They have conditioned us to be nothing more than servants, to believe that we are inferior to the opposite gender, that we must be slaves to their whims. We battle against each other with our petty squabbles, yet our real enemies are plotting behind the scenes, trying to continue their dominance over us. Whether it be the Grimm, or Salem, or our father, there will always be people trying to destroy us. That's why I've called us here: to put our differences aside and unite for the common good."

Robyn looked at her with confusion. "Who's Salem?"

Winter crossed her arms. "Yeah, sis. Who's Salem? It's not like she's top-secret_ information _or anything."

"Oh, no one cares," Weiss dismissed her casually. "My point is that our team has recently come up with a plan that we think will build bridges amongst our two warring factions and bring peace to not just Atlas and Mantle, but Remnant as a whole."

"You're proposing an alliance? No deal," Robyn said bluntly. "I appreciate your attempt at overt feminist rhetoric as much as the next radical. But my issue has always been with upper-class snobs like your sister enforcing policies that bring corruption and steal from the people who need it. At the end of the day, I am never going to align myself with someone who will never hold the interests of Mantle above the interests of herself."

"For the record, I don't want to partner with you, either," Winter stated. "You're a dangerous anarchist whose going to bring Atlas to the brink of destruction. I may not like my father, but I have a responsibility to ensure our Kingdom's prosperity—and our future can't afford someone like you." She paused momentarily. "Plus, she wants to give everyone free healthcare! Lunacy!"

"Free health care is a right, goddammit!" Robyn screamed, shoving her fist into the air. Weiss quickly moved to settle the room.

"Okay, that's enough politics out of the two of you," she said thoroughly. "Now I get that you'll never be able to reconcile your differences. That's why I'm not asking you to become allies permanently. I'm merely asking you to put aside your grievances for one—maybe two—nights of passion to save the world."

Winter and Robyn stared at her like she had just spouted a second head.

"I'm sorry," Robyn said, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Did you say a night of… passion?"

"I know," Weiss said understandingly. "I'm not the biggest fan either, but it might be our only option."

"Um, Weiss? What are you proposing, specifically?" Winter asked worriedly.

"Well, sis, this is going to be a little awkward," Weiss said sheepishly, extending her arm out to Penny. "So I've brought along a little video to help explain it. Penny, if you would please?"

Penny approached the table with a USB drive in her hand, and she passed it off to Weiss gladly. The heiress took the drive and reached toward the projector embedded into the table. It was used to display projects and charts on the opposing wall as large as possible for shareholder meetings and the like but Weiss was intent on using it for more practical purposes. She was going to show them something all right. She only hoped it would be convincing enough. After around seventeen minutes of fumbling with the technology, including screwing up the cables, getting the sound to work with no video, getting the video to work with no sound, breaking the whole computer for a few minutes until they had an IT repair guy come and fix it, she was finally able to show the two opposing figures her team's pitch to save the world. She smiled as the video started. She almost felt like a proper Schnee.

Almost.

A pair of tits flashed up upon the wall with big, rainbow strobing letters on top of it. _SEX TIME._

"_Hey, you filthy sluts," _the voice of Nyrrha Pikos moaned as short clips of lesbian in the midst of fucking appeared in rapid succession. _"Do you want to get hot and heavy to save the world from the brink of annihilation?"_

Immediately, Robyn and Winter looked back at Weiss, whose cheeks flushed as she sunk back into her chair. Penny smiled behind her, cheerfully unaware of her friend's embarrassment. Admittedly, Weiss did not watch the trailer Pyrrha made beforehand; she simply trusted the former Huntress's word that it was "Informative and subtle" in its attempt at persuasion. So, when a picture of a close-up vulva appeared with the flashing words LICK ME YOU DUMB WHORES plastered on top of it and stayed on the screen for twenty uninterrupted seconds, she felt a little betrayed.

"_Get ready to fuck and suck all of your horny friends to defeat evil," _Nyrrha said seductively as fourteen women scissored each other with jazzy saxophone music playing in the background. _"You'll need to get real good at eating cunt if you want to—"_

Before another word could be uttered, Robyn calmly reached across the table and turned off the video with a single button press.

"Okay, seen enough of that," she stated. "I'm out of here."

She tried to leave the room in a hurry but Weiss stood up and desperately blocked her path.

"Wait! You can't leave!" she pleaded. "We need you and your gang of lesbians to destroy the Grimm with the power of sex!"

Robyn placed her hands on her hips and sneered. "First of all, that sentence doesn't make any sense. Second of all, what do you mean by 'gang of lesbians'?"

"I mean, aren't you—"

Robyn rolled her eyes. "Oh, I get it. You think that just because I run a group of strong, independent women who are tough and strong, therefore we must all be a bunch of butch lesbians hanging around, right? Because obviously, we can't just be a bunch of female friends who believe in a good cause. No, we have to be a collection of hyped-up dykes, right?"

Weiss stammered awkwardly. "Well, like… that was the general vibe you were giving off. Wasn't it?"

Robyn shook her head, disappointed. "You know I have a husband, right?"

Winter gasped in surprise. "You do?"

"Yes," Robyn said affirmatively. "His name is Jeffery, we've been together for three years, and I love him very much. And it's not just me. You know Fiona, the adorable little sheep girl?"

"She's not a lesbian either?" Weiss said, stunned.

"Straight as an arrow," Robyn confirmed. "Not only that, but she actually has some pretty troubling views on bisexual people."

"Wow," said Winter, placing her hand to her mouth. "I never would have guessed that."

"It's because you rich Atlas people are a bunch of stereotype-loving bigots!" Robyn declared. "Seriously, all masculine-leaning women have to be gay to you. We can't just be ourselves. Disgraceful. I'm out of here."

Weiss stepped in front of the radical again as she tried to leave, thinking as fast as she could for how she could convince her to stay. "Wait. You have to come join our lesbian orgy porn shoot. We weren't kidding when we said the fate of the entire world depends on it."

"I don't care about the entire world. I care about protecting the citizens of Mantle," Robyn said sternly. "And I'm not going to have all my friends humiliated by forcing them to partake in a porn shoot so you and your friends can get off to it."

"But… but… don't you want to see my sister take it up the ass?" Weiss said suddenly. Winter stood up in protest, but Robyn could not help but be intrigued by the proposition.

"Winter Schnee taking it up the ass?" Robyn said placing her thumb to her chin.

"Not just Winter," Weiss said, very much without her sister's consent. "She has an entire elite troop of female guards who serve her every whim. They mainly do security, but there's at least a dozen of them and we can get all of your Happy Huntresses to fuck them up the ass as well!"

"That is… _a lot _of anal sex," Robyn said sincerely.

"And think about it like this," Weiss proposed. "While we're making our porno, we can also shoot a little propaganda video. Do you want to establish your dominance over the Atlesian elite? Demonstrate to our people that you have the strength to be their leader? Let's release a video of you _literally _fucking over the hierarchy of this Kingdom, and you'll see a massive boost in popularity with the 18-49 male demographic!"

Robyn crossed her arms. "Hmm. That _is _a demo we've been struggling to reach with our marketing," she noted. "And it would serve as an incredible boost of morale after we lost that election."

"Exactly!" Weiss exclaimed happily, even as the concerned calls of her sister grew louder next to her. "And since you don't have to put your mouth on a single pussy, it could be seen as totally straight! Even Fiona wouldn't mind."

"It would make that homophobic bitch happy," Robyn mused. "But I'm still not sure. It would be pretty embarrassing overall."

"Yes!" Winter screamed quickly. "It would be embarrassing. That's why you shouldn't fuck me in the ass."

Weiss ignored her sister. "What if you also fucked me in the ass? And my mom?"

Fun fact: Weiss did not really want to get fucked in the ass. She also found it rather morally questionable to be putting up her mom as an offering of sodomy to a random lady for their fun lesbian porno video without her mom's consent. Then again, she found all of these circumstances morally questionable. She was of the sound mind that her team should be trying to minimize the amount of crazed sexual contact they had with each other. But two things propelled her into her new wild adventure. One: if Pyrrha's insane plan actually worked, then it would result in world peace and the erasure of all Grimm. Two: she would be able to spend at least some of the porn shoot having sex with Ruby, and that would be pretty fun. But to do that, she had to be willing to make some sacrifices. If getting her asshole pierced by a giant strap-on could help save the world, then by the Gods, she was going to take that rubber up her ass like her life depended on it.

"So, what you're saying," Robyn said interestedly, "is that if we join you, this lesbian orgy film of yours includes a scene where all of the Happy Huntresses take the Schnee ladies, line them all up and fuck them in the ass over and over again, and we get to edit that footage and make our own propaganda short film about how we conquered you sexually? And you'll be okay with doing that?"

"Sure!" Weiss said with a big fake smile. "It'll be _great_!"

Winter, no longer willing to stand by and listen to her body get sold away, grabbed Weiss by the shoulders, and pulled her away from Robyn, who smile was growing wider by the second.

"Hang on a second, Weiss," Winter said hastily. "I never agreed to this! There's no way I'm having anal sex on camera, especially not next to my own sister and mother."

"Hey, incest isn't cool in my book either," Weiss said understandingly. "Trust me, that's Blake's shit. But this plan could save the whole world, and we need your help."

"Why?" Winter asked desperately. "I don't approve of you doing this in the slightest, but aren't you and your friends enough?"

"But you're so hot!" Weiss pleaded. "I mean, not like _I _want to have sex with you, but just objectively speaking, you're absolutely stunning. We need you to have sex on camera for us or the whole thing will fall apart."

Winter pouted. "I'm… I'm just not sure."

Weiss quickly thought up a new plan. She couldn't afford to let Winter fall through her fingers. Plus, if she could get Winter, their mother would almost certainly agree to join as well, and she already promised her body up to Robyn like a plate of hot sausage. "Okay, okay… what if we fulfilled one of _your _kinks during the shoot, too?"

"One of _my _kinks?" Winter asked with surprise.

"Yeah," Weiss nodded. "There has to be some fetish you have that we can include. A hot lady you've always secretly wanted to bang. A fun bit of roleplay. Something fun."

Winter pondered that question long and hard, scratching her chin. "Well…" she said very cautiously. "To tell you the truth, I've always wanted to be involved in doctor-patient roleplay."

"See, that's something!" Weiss said excitedly. "How about this? After Robyn gets through fucking you, you'll probably be very sore. So, we'll have someone else come by in a sexy nurse uniform and _take care _of you, if you know what I mean."

"That would be something. But we'd need to add to it," Winter said, starting to get into the swing of things. "It needs to be a very slutty nurse costume, worn by someone with very large breasts."

"Of course."

"And also, since we're not indecent, you and I are going to have to stay as far away from each other during the orgy as possible."

"Right," said Weiss. "We don't want to accidentally end up sleeping with each other. That'd be disgusting."

"Precisely," Winter said with a laugh. "Thankfully, that's never going to happen. We will not ever end up having sex."

"Right," said Weiss. "Never ever."

"And this isn't foreshadowing," Winer noted. "This won't be one of those situations where it's super ironic because we _do _end up having sex."

"Nope. We're not fucking. That's for certain."

"We are deadly serious about that."

"Never going to bang."

"Nope."

"Nuh-uh."

"We ain't doing it, so don't expect it."

"If you think I'm going to sleep with my own sister—or my own mom—then you've got another thing coming."

Weiss laughed.

And Winter laughed.

And Weiss laughed.

And Winter laughed.

And they looked at each other.

And they sighed.

And they became silent.

Very silent.

Weiss cleared her throat. "Why do I have a bad feeling about this?"

* * *

While the meeting occurred in the board room, its occupants were unaware of the guard patiently waiting outside with her ear pressed to the door. The short woman listened intently, taking in every word with a great amount of awe. When she heard the final details of the plans being discussed, she smirked to herself and slithered away, moving swiftly down the endless corridors of the mansion. There was a slight skip in her steps as her mind raced with possibilities. She hurried to an abandoned wing of the mansion, where her partner in crime waited patiently for her. When she entered, she saw Cinder standing idly by, a glass of champagne in her hand, and when the guard closed the door behind her, her form changed into the far more devious umbrella-wielding criminal mastermind feared by all.

"Have you learned anything in your reconnaissance?" Cinder asked evilly. Neo laughed.

"Ooh, bitch, you got no idea," she said gladly. "Those Huntresses are planning some steamy shit."

"Are they now?" Cinder asked with interest. "Tell me all the details."

So, tell the details Neo did. All of the details. Every goddamn word of it. Cinder hadn't really known what to expect. She hadn't checked in on her nemeses since the Battle of Haven, and apparently, an entire universe had changed since that point. She thought that she was still playing by the normal rules all this time. She could not be more mistaken. Neo told the story in a fairly formal cadence, which almost made Cinder not believe her. It just couldn't be. Team RWBY: filthy sluts? Impossible. Improbable. And yet, there was such certainty behind Neo's voice that Cinder could not help but believe it.

And that gave her hope.

"So… they're going to be hosting this orgy soon? And the guards are invited to partake?" Cinder said, her scheme beginning to form.

"Yep. It should happen sometime in the next two weeks, right here in this very mansion," Neo stated. "Why? What are you planning?"

Cinder laughed deviously. She looked at Neo with a malicious grin, and the criminal suddenly felt very uncomfortable. "That depends, my short-statured companion," Cinder stated. "How comfortable are you with anal?"

* * *

It was a relatively quiet day in the castle of darkness when Mercury stormed into Salem's chambers.

"Lord Salem, I have important news to share!" he screamed, immediately freezing in his tracks when he entered the room.

It had been a long many weeks since Salem returned from the cabin, defeated and dejected and rejected altogether. It had been very hard for her to cope, and the new Salem that Mercury had grown accustomed to was quite different than the evil, cruel Salem of old. The new Salem was lying face down on a massage table in the center of the room, completely naked, every inch of her pure white skin glistening with oil. There was a half-drunk bottle of wine by her side, and her hair was flowing off the sides of the tables as she sighed contently with her place in life. The nudity was something Mercury had grown accustomed to, and so was the wine, and so was the hardcore gangster rap music that she kept playing on a constant loop on a Scroll by the bed. Ever since she returned, she claimed she was going to live a freer, more truthful lifestyle. Like a hippie, she said. All that really amounted to was sulking around and downing ice cream as she cried herself to sleep thinking of Jinn, the love she had lost once again in her life. Mercury expected all of that; what he wasn't expecting was Emerald, also completely naked and covered in oil, smoothing her hands up and down Salem's ass as she hummed along to the gangster rap. When she noticed Mercury's presence, she scowled at him.

"Dude! Fucking knock next time!" she screamed at him. He did not cower, instead stepping forward, unfazed.

"Why are you also not wearing clothes, Emerald?" he asked. "I thought you were above this."

"Hey, I don't want to get any oil on my clothes. That stuff was expensive," Emerald claimed.

"Then wear your underwear, at least!"

"That was also expensive! Lingerie is hard to come by out in the middle of an evil wasteland!"

"Okay, but why are you also covered in massage oil?"

Emerald rolled her eyes. "Because our Bad Bitch boss is paying me, that's why! Have you ever heard of a Nuru massage?"

"A what?"

Salem picked up her head, smiling in bliss. "It's when the masseuse uses their entire body to massage you instead of just their hands. They climb on top of you and run themselves up and down—"

"Okay, I don't need to know these details," Mercury said, kind of actually wanting to know those details. "Do you want to hear an update on the status of Team RWBY?"

Salem groaned, placing her head back down into its rest on the table. "Oh, who gives a shit anymore? Let them do whatever the hell they want? I'll just try to conquer the world again in eighty years when they're all fucking dead."

"Well, that's the thing," Mercury said unsurely. "It seems like they're not really doing any Huntress work right now. Instead, they've spread out across Remnant trying to recruit people for a big project."

"A project?" Emerald asked, grabbing two big handfuls of Salem's ass and kneading the mounds of flesh thoroughly. "What kind of project?"

"Um, how do I put this?" Mercury said. "Based on the reports from your Seers, it seems they are trying to get as many sexy ladies together as they can for a… pornographic video."

Salem picked up her head once again, surprised. "A pornographic video, you say?"

"Yes, ma'am. Directed by Nyrrha Pikos."

"Ah, Nyrrha Pikos," Salem said quietly. "That's a good get. _The Guzzler _had excellent cinematography and… hey, wait a minute…"

Before anyone could say another word, Salem's eyes went wide and she leaped off the table even as Emerald was trying to massage her ass. The sudden motion knocked the green-haired girl off-balance, and she fell onto her face as Salem stormed over to the window, her fists clenched.

Mercury awkwardly glared at her. "What's wrong, My Lord?"

"Those fucking bitches!" Salem growled. "They're going to try to destroy me, aren't they? They're going to gather up as many whores as they can and create a lesbian porn so provocative that it unites the entire world! Then, once the world is horny at the same time, they'll summon the Gods back to the world and have them remove my immortality! That's their plan to finally defeat me, isn't it?"

Emerald looked up from the floor. "Uh, Salem, no offense," she said hesitantly, "but something tells me that they aren't trying to do something so… how to put this… stupid."

"No, that's _exactly_ what they would do!" Salem declared, raising her fist into the air. "It's the perfect way to spite me after all we've been through. I just know it. They can't defeat me physically, so they'll conquer me sexually. Miserable cunts! I knew I should have killed them all when I had the chance. Those sluts think they can destroy me with the power of the female orgasm? I'll show them. I'll take their little porn video and turn it into the world's greatest snuff film! I'll crash that film shoot and kill every last one of those whores and shove their failures up their goddamn asses! Quick, Emerald, how comfortable are you with anal?"

Emerald quickly rose to her feet, waving her hands out in front of her. "Whoa, whoa! How did we get to anal all of a sudden?"

"_It's always anal time, motherfucker_!" Salem screamed. "My revenge will be glorious. I will prove once and for all that I am the baddest bitch on this planet, and everyone will bow to me. Mark my words: Team RWBY will not achieve an orgasm as long as I'm around. Now, Mercury, tell me. Where are those tramps headed off to recruit their partners in sex?"

Mercury looked at Emerald, trying not to gawk at her blindingly hot figure, and she merely rolled her eyes back at him. Honestly, when they agreed to be evil, they didn't sign up for this shit.

"Well," Mercury began to explain carefully, "they've all split up across the Kingdoms, but we've kept tabs on each of them and who they've tried to convince to join them. Who would you like to start with?"


	12. Blake Finally Sleeps With Her Mom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We did not mean for this chapter to be this long. We do not regret it in the slightest. Enjoy.

"Thank you for coming on such short notice, Ilia."

"It's no problem, Blake. Anything for a friend."

Their tone was warm and conciliatory, much like the air around them. The seat available to them at the local market had a wonderful view of the shore, and though there were dozens of Faunus wandering the sandy streets around them, they felt like it was just the two of them, together and at peace. It had been a very long time since either of them had felt like that, for all the wrong reasons. They could never forget the years they sent on wrong terms, the ground beneath them having seemingly been permanently scorched by their actions. But through all their struggles, and maybe because of them, they finally found each other once again. Two best friends, glad to have each other by their side.

"So, um, is the Faunus work going well?" Blake asked innocently.

"Yes. It seems like people finally have hope again," Ilia said bashfully. "It's crazy. For so long, I thought that peace was just some wishful, child-like dream that couldn't ever possibly come true. I thought that vengeance was the only way we were ever going to move forward. But now, it seems like our dreams are just around the corner. It's… strange."

"Strange, but good," Blake encouraged her gently. "The Faunus have had to struggle for so long in oppression, but you can feel the air is different here. Everyone seems to be just a little bit happier."

"And it's all thanks to you."

Blake shook her head. "Ilia, no it isn't."

"Of course, it is," Ilia said, clasping her hands together on the table. "You were the one who inspired them. You opened their eyes. You were the one with that dream of peace. I'm just honored to be standing by your side."

"You aren't standing by anyone's side. You're leading," Blake explained, her voice full of admiration.

"You're just being nice," Ilia blushed. "If I had gotten my way, the rights of Faunus would have been set back another hundred years. It's only because of you that—"

"No, I'm serious. Stop being shy," Blake said more assertively, sensing her friend's doubt. "You did just as much to help the Faunus as me. It may have taken you a little longer, but you're walking down the right path. You were the one who picked up all the slack after I left and carried the Faunus to new heights. If anything, I should be thanking _you_ for everyone you've done."

Ilia smiled warmly and shared a quiet moment with her former enemy. Those words meant more to her than Blake may have ever realized. Or maybe she did realize. It would mean all the same. Still, Ilia could not help but notice the subtle tension in Blake's shoulders, the way that her gaze would occasionally avert from the table and stare across the horizon. There was something bothering her that she was unwilling to share. Ilia, determined, leaned a little closer to the table and cleared her throat.

"Blake, why did you really come out here?" she asked cautiously. "We both know a person doesn't travel halfway across the world just for small talk."

Blake's eyes widened as she leaned back in surprise. "Oh! Uh, yes. That… that that that…"

"What is it?" Ilia said, concern rising in her voice. "Did something happen?"

"Oh, no, everything's fine," Blake said assuredly. "I just needed to talk to you about something kind of important. Something it would be awkward to do over our Scrolls."

"Then tell me what's going on."

"Well," Blake said nervously, "I kind of needed to talk to you about your… _crush_ on me."

Ilia felt a dead chill overtake her, stronger than the warmest of summer breezes.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Look, Blake—"

"I'm not judging," Blake said quickly. "Actually, you'll find this funny. What I wanted to ask you is—"

"Stop. Stop right there," Ilia said forcefully.

"But—"

"No. Before you say another word, I need to say something important." Ilia cleared her throat and sat up straight, capturing all of Blake's errant attention. "Yes, it's true that I have—_had_—feelings for you. They were messy, and complicated, and were occurring during a part of my life where I had nothing and thought I was doomed to be nothing. During those times, you were maybe the one good thing in my life. So much of our relationship was marred by jealously and abandonment, though, and as I've been looking back on it, I've been thinking to myself: was that _really_ something special I felt? Or was it just a desperate infatuation that I was using to keep myself sane? I'm not saying that you aren't great. You are. You're more than great. You're truly wonderful in ways that I only wish I could be. I'm so glad that I'm your friend, and there used to be a time where I could want to be more than that, but now, I think I've found enough peace and truth within myself to recognize those feelings for what they really were. I'm satisfied with exactly what we have now, and I want to say that out loud and as clear as I can—for the both of us."

Blake was taken aback. "Oh. Uh, okay."

"Yeah. So, there's that," Ilia finished with a deep breath.

"So, you don't have, like, _any_ residual romantic feelings toward me?"

"I care about you, Blake. Just… not like that. Not anymore."

Blake breathed a sigh of relief. "Well, okay then. That kind of makes this less awkward."

"Does it?"

"_Way _less awkward," Blake laughed. "Like, you have no idea how much that uncomplicates things."

"Well, that's good to hear," Ilia said contently. "I guess you were going to try to let me down easy?"

"What?" Blake asked with a snort. "Don't be silly. I was going to ask if you wanted to fuck me."

Ilia's eyes went wide, and her heart stopped, and she suddenly jumped forward out of her seat, flying across the table and tackling Blake to the floor. She straddled her friend's waist and grabbed onto Blake's collar, hoisting her head to meet her close, eye-to-eye.

"_Yes!_"

Blake stammered. "Wait, what?"

"I'll fuck you! I'll _absolutely _fuck you! As hard as I can!" Ilia said with the biggest, dumbest smile on her face. The people in the marketplace all turned to look at the crazed chameleon screaming about fucking her friend, but she did not give one single shit about them.

"You're serious?" Blake said, surprised, and mildly uncomfortable. "Wait, what happened to you not having feelings for me anymore?"

"That was a lie!" Ilia exclaimed desperately. "It was such a fucking lie, Blake! I'm so madly in love with you it hurts. I would do anything for you. I would do anything _to _you. I would let you do anything to _me_."

"Okay, you're kind of hurting me."

"Oh, sorry!" Ilia said, panicking. She hurriedly stood up and helped Blake to her feet, still uncaring about the massive amount of attention she had drawn to herself. Blake brushed the dirt off herself, feeling the mild bruises left on her shoulder blades. Ilia bounced excitedly on the balls of her feet, grinning like a kid in a candy shop. "So, do you want to go back to your place? Or mine? Do you just want to strip and get on this table and then we can… you know?"

Blake rolled her eyes. "Ilia, we're not sleeping together, like, _now_. My friend is doing this big lesbian orgy porn shoot, and she needed actors involved, so I was going to recruit you. It's in a few weeks."

"Two weeks?" Ilia said, heartbroken. But, that was such a long time to wait! How was she going to yet another two weeks without finally getting to make love to the woman of her dreams? It seemed like an eternity. No. She had to be strong. She had waited her whole life for this, and now it was finally within her grasp. Another two weeks would be trivial, like no time at all. She confidently shook her head and pumped her fist into the air. "All right! Two weeks! I'll do it! I'll fuck you in two weeks like my life depends on it!"

"Yeah, great, whatever," Blake said dismissively. "Anyway, now that the sidequest shit is out of the way, we need to talk about why I'm _actually _here. A favor, technically"

"What is it, my love?" Ilia said, her heart aflutter. "I'll do anything you ask me? Climb a tree? Catch a fish? As long as we bang by the end of it, I'll kill God himself if I have to!"

"That's good to know," Blake said with a grin. "Because the truth is, it's a little… unorthodox."

* * *

The stage was set. It was different than she always imagined it, but it would do. Blake looked to the woman next to her and admired her work. She was a genius. An undoubtedly brilliant, horny genius.

Today would be the day. She could taste it. After nineteen long years of waiting, Blake Belladonna was finally going to fuck her mom.

The room: dark and candlelit. The air: steamy. The bed: covered in so many rose petals Ruby would have a seizure if she saw it. Her body: covered in the laciest, sluttiest lingerie she could find. Ilia's body: also covered in slutty lingerie. Fishnet stockings. Corsets. Chokers. They were the wet dream of any red-blooded male on the planet. Natural prey. But on this day, they were the predators, hunting for their prize. And in approximately two minutes, their target was going to wander into their den, blissfully unaware of its fate. How it was going to be… _eaten_…

"Going to be eaten?" Ilia said, confused.

"Oh, sorry," Blake said suddenly. "I guess I must have been narrating my inner thoughts out loud. That happens from time to time when I get _dramatic_."

"Well, I certainly like the allegory," Ilia said, biting her bottom lip. She reached over to caress Blake's thigh. "Comparing our ravaging of your mother to a wild hunt in nature is so fitting on so many different levels. Us being Faunus, us being youthful, us literally going down on your mom. It just _works_."

Blake rolled over to her side, accidentally and unknowingly brushing Ilia's hand away. "Yeah, I know, right? And Weiss says I'm a shitty author."

"I think you're a great author, Blake," Ilia sighed lovingly. "And you know, if your mom doesn't arrive soon, we can always do something to, you know… pass the time."

"I already told you," Blake said strictly. "I'll sleep with you _after_ I bang my mom. That was the deal. When she finally crushes my head between her legs, that's when you get to go down on me in rapturous pleasure. Got it?"

Ilia groaned. "Fine. But what if she doesn't agree?"

"She'll agree," Blake said with certainty. "I mean, look at us. Look at how hot we are. This isn't exactly how I planned to sleep with her, but I think that the sight of two lacy sluts covered in rose petals is enough to get her to at least try it. Plus, I'm pretty sure she's going to be in heat this time of the month, so she'll be right on the edge of her sensibilities."

"If you say so. I just think you'll underestimating how much of a turn-off incest is for regular people."

"Or you're underestimating how much of a turn-_on_ it is for regular people," Blake smirked.

Then, the moment arrived. Blake's ears perked up as the sound of the front door to the mansion opened, and she immediately jabbed Ilia in the arm to get her alerted. They took their positions, snuggling up next to each other, placing their hands on each other's tits and hips, narrowing their gaze, tilting down their heads, trying to look as seductive as humanly possible. Blake took an extra handful of rose petals and scattered it all over her perfectly smooth skin, and then she waited. Footsteps approached the door, and she heard the soothing sound of her mother's voice from just outside.

"We could have this conversation in the bedroom," Kali said calmly. "It will be far more comfortable in there."

Yes. Yes, it would be, Blake thought wickedly. The doorknob gently started to turn, and Blake felt her heart pounding in her ears. She gripped the satin sheets beneath her more tightly. Here it came. Any second now.

"Actually, Miss Belladonna, I think we should stay somewhere less… private? Also, can we make this quick? Blake can't find out that I'm here."

Wait. Was that another voice? Young. Female. Blake pursed her lips. It sounded familiar…

"Sure. Whatever you prefer," Kali said slyly, and suddenly, the doorknob ceased moving, and Blake heard footsteps moving away. No. No. No.

No no no no no no no no no no no no no _fucking no_.

"I appreciate it, Miss Belladonna. I don't want to get the wrong idea."

"Please, darling. Call me Kali."

"Sure. Can we talk, Kali?"

Blake, in a fearful panic, sat up from the bed and crawled over to its edge on her hands and knees. Ilia perked up as well—partially because she was concerned for Blake, but also because her friend's thong-clad ass happened to be bouncing directly in front of her face as Blake crawled forward.

"Is something wrong?" Ilia asked.

"Who is that?" Blake said worriedly. "No one else should be here. Where do I know that voice?" She stood up and headed toward the door, and naturally, Ilia bound after her, desperately following that booty.

"Where are you going?"

"Come on. We need to figure out who's cockblocking me," Blake said strongly. Ilia nodded, and the two lingerie-wearing Faunus moved silently through the mansion, creeping on the tips of the stiletto heels that Blake forced them to wear because—and this was her exact wording—"heels are sexy as fuck as long as you don't have to walk in them." They traveled to the common area of the mansion, Blake charging out ahead, giving Ilia ample time to enjoy the view of her phenomenal ass. Did Blake know that Ilia was checking her out? Probably. Did it bother her that Ilia was more interested in sleeping with her than helping her fuck her parent? A little. Did she still appreciate it? Yes. Her ass was great. It could seduce kings and queens alike, and most likely, her mom, too. If she saw it. Blake scowled. _Of course_, her mom was going to see her great ass. She was going to turn around and shove that in her mom's face if she had to! For the incest! For love!

The voices grew louder and louder when Blake gave the hand signal to stop, just around the corner from the living room. She and Ilia pressed their backs against the wall, and then hesitantly leaned around the bend to take a peek at the woman who stole Blake's prey from her just at the moment when she was about to bite. When Blake saw her competition, however, her heart instantly shattered, and her mind broke. Sitting on the couch, being gazed carefully by her mother, was a girl with long blonde hair, gorgeous violet eyes, and the biggest, most natural, amazing rack she had ever seen. She wasn't just competing with any animal—she was in the hunt alongside a dragon.

"So, you want me to be involved in an adult movie?" Kali said, stirring around her tea with a silver spoon.

"Yeah," said Yang awkwardly. "I know that's a weird thing to throw at someone, but trust me, this is going to do some incredible good in the world. But if we want it to succeed, we need to get a whole lot of attractive women who are willing to do some pretty kinky lesbian things to each other."

"Well, it's a good thing you came to me," Kali said with a small chuckle. "I don't know how much you about me past my relationship with my daughter, but back in the day, I was quite the wild child. Me and my friends used to perform all sorts of, let's say, _experiments_ on each other. This was back when it was still mostly a taboo, of course. But you should have seen us go. I think you would have found it _very enjoyable_."

Yang tried her best to ignore the insinuation that Kali just gave her, and looked away even as the cat sunk her claws in further. "Well, uh… that's so great to hear. Do I take that to mean that you'll join us?"

"I'll do more than join," Kali purred. "I'm still friends with those ladies. Around a dozen of them. A few phone calls here and there, and I'm sure I can get them all lined up. Hell, maybe a few of their daughters, too."

"That'd be… that'd be so great," Yang said with a nervous smile. "Hey, speaking of daughters, there was actually one other thing I needed to talk to you about."

"Is it about Blake?"

"Yeah, actually," Yang explained. "You see, I don't really know how to say this, but Blake is also going to be taking part in this porn thing, and the thing is… she sort of wants to sleep with _you_."

Blake gasped in shock, and Ilia had to cover her mouth with her hand to prevent the others from detecting them. There it was. Boom. Out in the open. No fanfare. No seduction. Just the most powerful secret of Blake's life casually revealed—and not even by her. Kali reacted to the news that her daughter wanted to sleep with her calmly, placing her teacup down on the coffee table and frowning gently.

"Blake wants to have sex with _me_?" she said. Blake could hear the disappointment in her voice. It was all going wrong. She couldn't find out like that. Not offhandedly. She had to be seduced, baited in, overwhelmed with horniness that she lost touch with her senses. She had to be mildly curious before the first orgasm, and _then _she would descend into incest-loving madness. Reluctance was the key! Instead, she had Yang bizarrely and crudely stammering out her intentions, and a deep, unbridled fury started to burn within her chest.

"Yeah, so like," Yang said noncommittally, "she has these very weird detailed sex fantasies about you, and it's kind of well-written, but also kind of trash, but like in a good way? I don't know. The point is, Blake is my girlfriend, and I want to do something special for her. So, I was wondering how much money I needed to pay you to come onto her during the porn shoot."

"Yang, dear, that's not—"

"Now, listen, I know it's very strange and morally dubious," Yang said defensively. "I mean, incest is one of those things you either go for or you don't. But take it from someone with experience, you don't even realize what you are doing at the moment. You only start feeling the guilt when you're alone in your bed, crying yourself to sleep over your actions, wondering how you'll ever get into heaven, and then you wake up and see your sister changing next to you, and you take one look at her ass and think, 'Nah, that shit's worth going to hell over.' My point is that all I'm asking you is to send like five minutes during the orgy eating out Blake's pussy. You don't have to speak. You don't have to look her in the eye. Just let her cum like a firehouse all over your face, and take my money, and let Blake have this. Please?"

Blake seethed. One would think that her heart would be warmed by her girlfriend trying to give her such a sweet, personal present. But nope! She was a raging inferno ready to burst! Sex through payment? Her mother wasn't a hooker! She was Kali Belladonna, the hottest, sexiest, most nurturing MILF in Remnant! She deserved to be treated better than some ten-dollar whore found behind the dumpster.

Kali merely laughed and pawed away the suggestion. "Yang, darling, you can keep your money. I am _never_ going to sleep with my daughter."

And then, just when she thought it couldn't get any worse, Blake's heart shattered into a trillion lustful pieces.

"Kali, please, you have to," Yang pleaded. "Incest isn't really that bad once you get to know it! And besides, it's your daughter! It's her hopes and dreams. You have to help her."

"I don't really care if it's Blake's dreams or not," Kali said bluntly. "Incest is gross, quite frankly. If it is her dream, then when she comes back, I'll have a long chat with her about it and schedule an appointment with a therapist. I'm not even going to humor the notion."

Ilia, sensing that Blake was about to leap into the open, grabbed onto her bicep—her surprisingly beefy bicep, she noticed—and her held her back. "Wait. Not yet," she whispered.

"But I think we've talked enough about Blake," Kali said suddenly. "What I really want to do is get to know… _you_."

Kali gently placed her hand on Yang's knees, and the two made eye contact and understood each other's intentions immediately. Blake resisted the urge to let out a banshee scream as Yang scooted to the far end of the couch.

"Oh, Miss Belladonna—"

"It's _Kali_."

"Look, Kali, you've got the wrong idea," Yang said quickly. "I'm not interested in sleeping with you."

"But you've been such a good friend and lover to my daughter," Kali cooed, crawling across the couch on all fours, kicking off her shoes behind her. "Surely, such a good friend deserves a reward. Plus, I don't want to show up to Atlas being rusty. I need _practice_."

"Well, surely, you can find practice elsewhere," Yang muttered, reaching a dead end.

"But there's so much of you to practice on," Kali moaned, staring directly at Yang's cleavage. Yang hurriedly covered up her chest with her forearm as Kali crawled on top of her, trapping her in place.

"Kali, seriously, I can't do this," Yang tried to explain. "You're Blake's mom. It would be super wrong. Okay, I mean, in one sense, it being super wrong makes it really hot, but in the other sense, I can't betray her like that. I think I love her."

"And that didn't stop you from screwing your sister, by the sound of it," Kali said, straightening up and reaching behind her back toward the tie of her hakama.

"Well, yeah, but that's different," Yang said, rolling her eyes. "No one else wanted to fuck my sister but me. Okay, Weiss did, but you know, fuck that snow-haired cunt and her bigoted opinions. If I slept with you, Blake would never forgive me. You're supposed to be hers."

"Last time I checked, I don't belong to anyone," Kali said with a smirk, untying her outfit. "And if Blake is who you are worried about, then…" With a simple gesture, Kali released her grasp and let her clothing fall away from her. All of it. Blake nearly came just seeing her mother naked right in front of her. She was everything she had ever imagined and more. The wording of her own fantasies came back to her. Smooth skin, tight abs, thick hips, freshly shaven, with boobs that are full and round like the moon and still holding their shape despite her age. She was unnaturally sexy, except, of course, she was all-natural, because she was _perfect_. And she was straddling her girlfriend instead of her.

"…what she won't know won't hurt her."

Yang, dumbfounded, just stared up and Kali's eternally beautiful naked body for a long moment. Her hands absentmindedly wandered to the mother's hips, and after not too long, she smiled.

"I mean… I _guess_ you have a point there."

Kali fell forward, pressing their chests together as she growled like a feral beast, licking her lips which rested only a few centimeters away from Yang's.

"Then we shouldn't waste any more time."

Yang leaned in to kiss her.

Then, Blake fucking lost it.

She burst free from Ilia's grasp and leaped around the corner, landing on top of the coffee table and shoving her finger in their faces.

"_Stop right there, you MILF-stealing cunt_!"

The two women jumped up in shock. Kali covered herself instantly, scrambling to the other side of the couch as Yang through up her hands in a proclamation of innocence.

"Blake? What are you doing here?" Kali asked, embarrassed, and frustrated.

"I came by just to say hello," Blake said accusingly. "And also, you know, _fuck the ever-living shit out of you_. But I guess you were too busy trying to get balls deep in my girlfriend to notice!"

"Blake, this doesn't concern you," Kali growled. "Go to your room."

"Oh, don't tell me what to do, you two-timing bitch!" Blake snapped. "I can't believe you would cheat on dad with someone other than me in a context I don't approve of! What kind of mother does such a thing? And you," she said, pointing at Yang. "You're supposed to be off in Mistral recruiting Raven, and yet I find you hear ready to lick my mom clean like she was an ice cream cone? The fuck is wrong with you?"

"Blake, babe, come on!" Yang said with a sheepish grin. "You know I can't resist. She came onto me, and she said she wasn't going to sleep with you anyway, and my trip to see Raven didn't end in any mom-fucking, so what do you want? I have needs, too!"

"And those needs just happen to involve sleeping with my hot mom? Bullshit. Only _I_ can fuck my mom!" She paused for a moment. "And my dad!"

"Wait," said Ilia. "Do you mean that only you _and your dad _can have sex with your mom, or only you can fuck both your mom and your dad?"

"Yes!"

It was only then that the three of them even bothered to notice that Ilia had made her presence known, slinking quietly behind Blake and backing her up, trying to look as intimidating as she could for a person wearing fishnets and a corset and wobbling in stilettos. They mostly just ignored her as Kali tried to establish some order.

"Blake, what I do with my time is none of your business, and I seriously can't believe you would be so disturbed to try to lust after the woman that gave birth to you?"

"What's wrong with me? What could be so wrong with you that you don't want any of _this_?"

Blake ran her hands up and down her lacy, black, one-piece lingerie corset, squeezing her breasts tightly before turning around and sticking out her gigantic, barely-covered ass. She twerked it up and down right in front of her mom's face, just to show that bitch was she was missing out on, but Kali seemed more annoyed than turned on, and frankly, that just pissed Blake off even more. She pouted and twerked faster, completely mesmerizing Ilia with her amazing gyrations but merely irritating her mother. Eventually, Yang got sick of the pettiness and stood up, shoving Blake off the coffee table.

"Oh, I know what's going on," Yang said, taking her place. "You're just jealous that your mom wants to bang me instead of you!"

Blake groaned. "I mean, yeah! I've been saying that shit from the beginning!"

"Well then," Yang said with a devious grin, grabbing onto her jacket, "do you think you would be even more jealous of… _these_?" With one forceful motion, Yang ripped her jacket and top clean off her body until she was down to just her yellow bra. Blake gasped in horror.

"Don't you… don't you fucking dare…"

"Or do you think your mom will be jealous of _this_?" Yang asked again, and with another swift motion, she tore off her pants and kicked off her boots, exposing her matching panties. She groped her own body and bent over at a ninety-degree angle, making sure to show Blake a deep view of her cleavage and—more importantly—showing Kali a view of her sweet ass. She may not have had the rear of her girlfriend, or such expensive lingerie, but her simple show of sexiness was enough to send Kali into a lustful moan. The MILF spread her legs wide, freeing herself from the remains of her clothing as she brought her fingers to her sex and started to rub herself. Her mouth slightly opened, and she brought her other hand to her lips, delicately licking each of her slender fingers as Yang started to twerk _far better _than Blake did. Ilia gasped in pure terror, but Blake simply felt _the rage_.

"You goddamn bitch. You goddamn whore."

"I'm _your _goddamn whore, babe," Yang said with a mischievous wink. "Now, if you excuse me, I think I'm going to go down on your mom. Sorry. Not sorry."

Blake's entire body trembled as Yang jumped off the coffee table with all the swagger in the universe and stood over Kali. She placed her hands on her hips as she watched the older woman playing with herself. Kali gave an encouraging, welcoming nod, begging for Yang to come forward and join her, and so the dragon stepped forward to claim her worthy prize.

Only she was stopped one more time, not by any moral platitudes or sensation of guilt—but rather by the stiletto heel that she narrowly dodged before it was driven into her skull.

Yang rolled to her feet, but Blake threw her other heel at her head and charged forward. Yang blocked the shoe but was tackled to the floor, and soon, the two lovers erupted into a brutal slapping fest.

"I'll murder you, you slut!" Blake cried, pulling at Yang's hair.

"She's mine, dammit!" Yang shouted back, pawing at Blake's face. "Accept your defeat and let me fuck her!"

"Never!" Blake screamed back, clawing at Yang's boobs. "I will fuck my mom if it's the last thing I'll do, and you won't take her from me!"

The two rolled over each other numerous times, their scrap dragging across the entire living room. Ilia and Kali looked on with a tidal wave of thoughts running through their minds. They were girlfriends, teammates, family. They shouldn't be fighting, Ilia and Kali knew. They could hurt each other. They could permanently ruin their friendship. It was terrible. Horrible. So very, very bad. But then again, watching two teenage, buxom, sexy Huntresses in their underwear in the midst of an incest-driven, lust-fueled, drama-heavy catfight… well…

Holy fucking God, it was the hottest thing either of them had ever seen.

Kali looked and at Ilia, and Ilia looked at Kali, and then Kali threw one arm behind her head to relax as she resumed fingering herself, sighing contently watching the two sluts fight over her body. Ilia standing uncomfortably by the couch, felt like she might as well have joined along, and slipped two fingers beneath the hem of her scarlet panties, passively stroking her slit as she watched the Huntresses battle.

Eventually, Yang threw Blake off of her, and the two continued their duel on their feet, scratching at each other wildly as they stumbled into the connected kitchen. Ilia and Kali watched on in perverted delight as the two shouted down each other while taking wild, nonstrategic jabs at each other.

"All I ever wanted was to sleep with her!" Blake shouted furiously. "Not save the world! Not help the Faunus! I just wanted to tap her! And you stole that from me!"

"She doesn't want you, Blake!" Yang screamed back. "Accept defeat and go away!"

"You can never keep it in your pants!" Blake shoved her.

"You can never learn to move on!" Yang shoved back.

"She's the woman of my fantasies!"

Yang cried as loud as she could, shoving Blake with all of her strength. "Your fantasies _suck_!"

Blake's rage went into overload. She drew back as her fist, and with every bit of strength she had, she threw it forward and landed it _smack_ into Yang's nose, sending the blonde stumbling backward.

Ilia stopped masturbating. That punch looked a little _too_ harsh for a catfight.

A trickle of blood ran down from Yang's nose as her Aura flickered around her. She gritted her teeth and threw down her hands. She may have ripped off her clothing, but there was one article of clothing she failed to remove: the golden bracelets around her wrists. She flicked them down, and her gauntlets suddenly materialized, locked and loaded.

Kali stopped masturbating. "Uh… girls?"

Blake snarled and looked to the kitchen counter next to her. She snatched a long butcher's knife from its holder, and held it in a reverse grip, ready to strike.

Ilia looked at Kali.

And Kali looked at Ilia.

And then they both realized that Blake and Yang were trained Huntresses.

Oh, fuck.

Ilia and Kali called out for them to stop, but Blake dashed forward, her knife ready to strike.

"I'll kill you, you motherfucking motherfucker!" she screeched. Yang jabbed to counter, but Blake disappeared in a puff of smoke. She reappeared behind Yang, leaping into the air for leverage and grabbing Yang's hair, pulling her back to knock her off-balance. She drove her knife up and into Yang's side, stabbing as hard as she could into Yang's sexy smooth skin. Yang howled in pain, but recovered quickly, grabbing Blake from behind and throwing the crazed bitch off of her. Blake backflipped through the air and landed on her feet, rushing forward again.

"Come at me, bi-atch!" Yang shouted, triggering her Semblance. "I'll rip that incest fetish right out of your stupid head!"

Blake lunged forward with the blade, her decade of assassin experience coming to her advantage, but Yang blocked with her gauntlets. Blake swung again, and again, each strike driven with precision and intent to kill, and Yang blocked each of them, high and low, left and right. Blake feigned with a kick, but Yang was prepared and delivered a hook to Blake's midsection, knocking her away. She followed up with a series of shotgun blasts, and Blake dove behind the kitchen counter for cover. The blasts shattered through the wooden frame, and even Ilia and Kali had to dive for cover as the battle spilled over to the space by the couch.

"Girls, calm down!" Kali begged. "This is a little intense!"

"Fucking die, you whore!" Blake shouted as Yang started to reload. She jumped back up over the counter, sweeping her leg over the polished surface to drive it into Yang's head, but her girlfriend was ready. She caught the leg and used Blake's momentum against her, swinging her against the oven as hard as she could, shattering the glass door. Blake had not a moment to recover before Yang picked her up and planted her face against the counter. She screamed and dragged Blake's head across the countertop, knocking aside the dishes and cups and cutlery left on its surface. Blake's Aura broke as she reached the counter's end, and Yang picked her up by the throat with a single hand, holding her above her head before driving her other fist into Blake's stomach. She chokeslammed Blake hard into the ground, shattering the kitchen tiles completely, and leaned over her, choking the life out of the jealous cat.

"Just give up already!" Yang bellowed. "You can't win!"

Blake? Give up? Not anymore. She was through running. She was going to face her challenges head-on, whether it be her own anxieties about the Grimm, or her evil ex-boyfriend, or her current girlfriend trying to fuck her mom out from under her. She would not yield! With the last of her strength, she slashed up with her knife, jamming it into Yang's arm, causing the dragon to release her grip. Blake kipped up to her feet as Yang stumbled back, and launched forward with a string of slashes to Yang's gigantic boobs.

"Go fuck yourself, you indignant slut!" she cried, swiping at her girlfriend's huge knockers. Yang stumbled back, desperate. She was running out of steam. She had to act, or Kali would be stolen right from under her. Blake reared back her knife, ready for the killing blow. Yang threw up her arms to defend herself, but she had a plan. The knife collided with her gauntlets, and for just a moment, it seemed like they hit a standstill. But, at the moment of contact, Yang smirked. With a snap of her fingers, a cluster of grenades dropped from her weapons, and Blake stared at it for the brief seconds in which it descended to the earth. She felt fear.

The bombs hit the floor, and the entire kitchen exploded, sending Yang and Blake flying into the living room. Shrapnel flew everywhere, and Ilia and Kali screamed as they took cover, clutching each other for safety behind the couch. Yang and Blake landed before them with a thud, bloody and bruised yet, to be honest, still pretty sexy. Not that abuse is sexy or anything, but Kali and Ilia could admit that they still looked good in their underwear. The kitchen was on fire, and a thin layer of smoke filled the air, but all of the attention in the room was on the two girlfriends lying on the ground, seeing who would recover first.

They both came to at the same time, and started to rise to their hands and knees. Blake, groggily, got up to her elbows, but then immediately collapsed. Yang rose to her knees, took a deep breath, and then stood up fully. She looked down at Blake with disappointment and sorrow in her eyes. It was over. Done. She was the victor. Blake looked up at her in defeat, blood trickling from her lip. And seeing Yang standing proud, with passionate flames burning behind her, and then seeing the look of sensational awe that Kali was giving the winner of their battle, one horrible truth became very clear to her in that moment.

Blake Belladonna was never, ever, _ever_… going to have sex with her mom.

Yang cast one final glance at Blake and then turned her attention to Kali. The MILF had no time to react before Yang picked her up in her arms bridal-style, and dumped her onto the couch. Kali had one second to breathe, and then Yang—in full view of Blake—planted her mouth hard against Kali's and dug her tongue into her cheeks. Their tongues waged a passionate war with each other out in the open, one more intense than the battle Yang just fought with Blake. Blake watched with horror as Kali moaned into the kiss, and then it was suddenly broken off as Yang threw herself onto the couch, her head landing directly between Kali's spread-eagled legs. She inhaled deeply, taking in the smell of Kali's sex, and then looked at Blake's desperate pleading eyes one final time.

Yang winked at her, and grinned, and then shoved her tongue deep into Kali's cunt.

The MILF threw her head bag and let out a delighted scream as she was swept up in the orgasmic licks of Yang's tongue. Her daughter was but a distant memory as she let herself get eaten out by the fiery teenage Huntress. Ilia clasped her hand over her mouth and shock, and Blake's eyes quickly started to well with tears as Kali moaned Yang's name over and over and over again, lost in ecstasy. Blake's strength returned to her, but she didn't use it to fight back. She stumbled to her feet, hunched over, a broken, bleeding mess, and with tears in her eyes and heavy sobs coming from her lips, she sprinted out the door, running barefoot into the town. Ilia called out to her and followed, leaving the lesbians to do their work.

All of the citizens of Menagerie heard the explosion from the Belladonna Manor, and each of them clamored from a distance to see what was happening. They could not look inside, or could they ever understand what sort of depraved fucking was happening within its walls. All they could see was a catgirl in black lingerie sprinting away from the mansion as fast as she could, crying loudly and painfully, a sexy redhead in lingerie following close behind her, trying to summon her back.

For Blake, the gazes of the Faunus meant nothing. They would see her blood. They would see her tits. They would see her ass. But they would never truly see her broken heart.


	13. Goodwitch's Glorious Girth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you enjoy the last chapter? We think that's the tone we want to start striking with the rest of these chapters: weird, emotional, comedic, and of course, extremely sexual. We hope you are ready because look, you know we are going to have to keep with new ways to top ourselves. It has to keep getting worse. That's the point. We should be writing more LUBYP right now but instead, we are tired and writing this. Also, this entire chapter was because one of you fucking shmucks said that we should have one of the girls take a dick at some point and well... look, if we're going there then we are going fucking hard. Enjoy.

As it turned out, convincing every single attractive babe in Remnant to come join an orgy was a bit of a hassle. While the rest of her teammates handled the more personal recruitment matters, Ruby decided that she would personally see to the acquirement of the vast majority of talent for their shoot. She was the most organized of the bunch, and she was the team leader, so surely she would be the best person for the job! Right?

Fucking _wrong_.

Ruby may have underestimated the severity of her task. Every single hot woman on the planet? All of them? That was quite the tall order, especially since most of them had never heard of her and wanted nothing to do with something so obscene as a porn film. Additionally, while Ruby may have been a great planner, strategist and organizer, she was never the best with social skills. She would stutter and stammer out her sentences during her toll-free calls and get shut out before she could even say the word "gangbang". Plus, she happened to have the voice of a small child, so those who did listen to more than a few seconds were under the impression that she was inviting them to do something _very illegal_. It made the process quite difficult to say the least.

Nora and Pyrrha—or Nyrrha, she guessed she was called now—were helping with the calls as well, but they weren't getting much better results either. Nora had managed to convince Coco Adel and Velvet Scarlatina to come along, but only because those two were such infamously rambunctious sluts that they would jump at literally any opportunity to screw each other's brains out, even in the company of others. Pyrrha/Nyrrha had a long chat with Neon Katt of Team FNKI, Arslan Altan and Rheese Chloris of Team ABRN, May Zedong of Team BRNZ and all members of Team NDGO, and those half-shells of secondary characters only joined when they were promised a hefty payday. Aside from that, they had achieved no results. Every Huntress team that Ruby called from around the globe basically dismissed her without a second thought.

"Hi, my name is Ruby Rose. I was wondering if I could speak with you about a wonderful offer to save the planet which involves taking your clothes off and—"

Nope.

"Hi, Ruby Rose here with a once in a lifetime chance. Do you love sex? Do you like women? If so, then—"

Nope.

"Hi, I'm Ruby Rose. Is Anne there? Can I speak to Anne? Oh, she isn't? Well, can I leave a message? No, I can't?"

Nope nope nope.

Ruby groaned and slammed her face into her pillow. Five hundred and sixty-nine calls. Zero confirmations. It was hopeless. How was she supposed to host the greatest lesbian orgy of all time if those bitches didn't even give her the time of day? The others were counting on her. The whole world was counting on her. If their plan didn't work, then the Grimm would continue roaming the land and hurting people. Salem would win. She couldn't allow that to happen. She had to try a different approach but she had been calling people for twelve hours straight, and after a string of constant rejection, she was just about ready to throw in the towel.

It was right at the moment when Ruby's depression reached its peak that Weiss wandered into the room and saw her semi-girlfriend lying face down on her bed, dejected.

"Ruby, what's wrong?" she asked tenderly, sitting beside Ruby on the bed. "Did your phone calls not go well?"

"Not at all," Ruby sighed. "I don't think I'm a great salesperson."

"Well, talking has never been one of your greatest strengths," Weiss noted with a loving smile. "You've always succeeded at leading us though, and being a Huntress, and doing what's right."

"Doing what's right isn't going to save Remnant," Ruby said, rolling over onto her side. "We can only save Remnant if this shoot goes well, and to do that, we need help. But I can't get anyone to listen to me. Am I just not sexy enough?"

"What? You're plenty sexy," Weiss said encouragingly. "In, like, a mischievous way. Maybe cute is more apropos. But I think the real problem is that you're being too blunt. We are asking these women to do some very bizarre things, and not all of them have the same… um, _tastes_ as you do."

"That's true. But how can I appeal to them?" Ruby asked poignantly. "What can I say that will convince them that sleeping with all these women is a good thing to do?"

"That's something you'll just have to figure out on your own. For example, I convinced Winter to join by telling her that we'll have someone live out her nurse-related fantasies during the shoot."

"Oh. Is that someone going to be you?" Ruby asked excitedly. Weiss jumped back onto the bed, aghast.

"What? No! That's so gross!"

"It's not that gross."

"Yes! It's very gross!" Weiss said angrily. "I cannot understand how everyone here suddenly became such big fans of incest overnight."

"Wait, didn't you sleep with a holographic duplicate of your mom?" Ruby questioned her with a smirk. "Isn't that incest?"

"No, because it wasn't my real mom. It was just a hallucination," Weiss said, crossing her arms. "That means that it didn't count, and any erotic feelings I had were on a completely non-incestuous level."

Ruby shrugged. "I don't know. I think John Q. Incest would think differently."

Weiss growled. "Oh, will you all fuck off with that John Q. Incest bullshit? I'm not going to have sex with my sister. Or my mom. Or my dad. Or my brother. Never. No chance."

"No one is forcing you," Ruby said kindly. "But don't forget that you only have one life, and you may never get a chance like this again. I can't sleep with my mom anymore, and that's an experience I'll miss out on greatly."

Weiss collapsed onto the bed. "You… you disgust me, Ruby."

Ruby smirked back. "I love you, too, Weiss."

Weiss couldn't help but smile in return. That Ruby Rose was really something wonderful, wasn't she?

Suddenly, Ruby's Scroll started to vibrate. That was odd. She was supposed to be the one doing the calling, not the other way around. When she looked at who was calling her, she gasped. "It's… it's Professor Goodwitch."

"Goodwitch? Glynda Goodwitch?" Weiss said, sitting up in surprise. She huddled behind Ruby and peered over her girlfriend's shoulder. "What does she want?"

"Let's find out," Ruby said, answering the call and pressing the Scroll to her ear. "Hello? Professor?"

A calm, womanly voice spoke to her. "Ah, Miss Rose! It's good to hear from you again!"

"Why are you calling me?"

"Well, word got around that you have been calling some Beacon students about partaking in… how did you phrase it?" Goodwitch asked. "A ginormous lesbian fuckfest?"

"Uh… yes?" said Ruby, blushing slightly as Weiss looked suspiciously at her. "Are we in trouble?"

"Oh, Miss Rose. Not in the slightest!" Goodwitch said with delight. "In fact, I want you to come to Beacon Academy right away. I think I have something that may help you in your… let's call them, _sexcapades_…"

* * *

Ruby felt a chill come over her re-entering the walls of Beacon Academy. It seemed like a lifetime since she attended that school, still naively thinking that she could make her fairy tale dreams of valor and glory come true. She certainly never thought the castle would fall, and she most certainly never thought that she would return under the guise that she would be seeking out the secrets to partaking in the greatest lesbian orgy of all time. The scenery was helping her forget some of those more complicated, gross details; Professor Goodwitch had been hard at work over the past many months rebuilding the school to return it to its former state before the attack at the Vytal Festival. There were still some notable problems, a few walls blown out and debris scattered about, but as Ruby and Weiss walked through its hallowed halls, they felt a wonderful hit of nostalgia for simpler times.

"Remember when we first became a team?" Ruby said fondly.

"After they threw us together into a forest?" Weiss rolled her eyes. "How could I forget?"

"You hated me so much," Ruby laughed. "I thought we would never be able to work together."

"I know. It's crazy how far we've come." She paused momentarily, wrapping her hand quietly around Ruby's. "Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Sure. What's wrong?"

"Well, I know that this shoot is way out of our comfort zone," Weiss explained. "We've been trying so hard to try to de-sexualize our teams recently, but now we have to perform crazy sex acts on people trying to save the world. It's like life keeps getting crazier and crazier."

"I know," Ruby nodded. "But what's your question?"

"Well, I don't want us to lose track of what's important during all the chaos," Weiss explained. "I mean, I'm going to get involved in a Happy Huntresses gangbang and it's not like you _aren't_ going to try to have sex with Yang again. And that's just the tip of the iceberg, probably. Who knows how many people we are going to end up sleeping with."

"Right," Ruby said sadly. "That's… that's just part of the job though. Most of those moments aren't really going to mean anything. They'll just be… fleeting bouts of passion. That's all."

"I know," Weiss said shamefully. "But Ruby, I feel like we've finally hit a place in our lives where we can be comfortable with each other talking about our feelings. And it might be selfish, but I don't want this dumb orgy to risk this new connection we have with each other."

"So, what are you saying?"

"What if," Weiss suggested, "after I do my thing with Robyn, the two of us go somewhere private and just… spend some time alone together?"

Ruby gasped. "You want us to ditch the orgy? But the world is counting on us."

"We'll participate a little bit. But does Pyrrha really need to film us for literally hours? I think one scene with each of us will be more than enough. And I'm not even saying that we need to do sexual stuff—we can just talk. Hang out. Be friends… like we were in Beacon."

Ruby smiled to herself, blushing. "Hmm. I guess it wouldn't be too bad if we missed out on the shoot. As long as Pyrrha has enough people to work with, I don't see the harm in spending time with my favorite heiress."

Weiss squeezed Ruby's hand a little bit tighter. It astonished her how understanding Ruby could be to her problems and fears, even if they were a little unjustified. It reminded her that despite being an incest-loving, submissive, pussy-hungry whore, she was still the kind and caring Ruby from the day they first met. She couldn't wait to spend some alone time with her after the orgy; whatever that alone time would be, well… they would have to see about that.

"I wonder what Goodwitch has in store for us," Weiss wondered aloud. "I hope it's not too inappropriate."

Ruby chuckled. "Weiss, it's Professor Goodwitch. Serious-minded, stern Professor Goodwitch. I doubt it's going to be too bad."

They arrived in front of Professor Goodwitch's office, and Weiss held back Ruby's arm before she could enter. "Ruby, she said she wanted to help us on our _sexcapades_. That's not a stern or serious-minded word."

"Oh, I'm sure she's just being nice," Ruby said calmly.

"And also, when has saying that someone won't be a pervert ended in them not actually being a pervert?" Weiss said suspiciously. "Like, I guarantee that the second we open that door, she's going to try to fuck us, or she'll be wearing a strap-on, or she'll have sex slaves or something all around the room with giant plugs up their asses."

Ruby sighed. "Weiss, I'm sure you just have a hyperactive imagination. Goodwitch is good. Remember that. Goodwitch is good."

Ruby knocked on the door, and Weiss heard the Professor gently beckon them inside. As they opened the door, Weiss took a deep breath to calm her nerves. Maybe she was overthinking things a little. Not everyone was such wild, sexual tyrannosaurs like her friends happened to be. She was sure that Goodwitch was just going to offer her advice in a nice, simple and family-friendly way. Just an easy, non-sexual, non-distracting—

"Oh, for fuck's sake!"

Weiss screamed for the obvious reason. Goodwitch was good—she was also totally naked, lounging in the center of her office in a bathtub that appeared to be filled with, by the looks of it, gallons upon gallons of creamy white semen. Ruby simply stood in the doorway, her mouth hung open in shock, while Weiss collapsed immediately to the floor, and then with all her might, screamed as loud as she could. Goodwitch seemed completely unfazed, lifting her hand out of the bathtub and giving a wave to her former students, milky cum dripping from her fingers.

"Hello, girls," Goodwitch said. Her hair was still pulled back as usual, and she adjusted the glasses on her face, causing a string of cum to stick and drip down her nose. "Good to see you."

Weiss howled with eternal, unyielding pain.

"Just… just why!" she hollered. "Why is everything like this!"

"Now, Weiss, calm down," Goodwitch said wistfully. "I'm sure you are wondering why I'm in a bathtub full of delicious hot spunk. Well, it's a funny story—"

"_No_!" Weiss screamed forcefully, angrily crawling back to her feet. "_No, motherfucker_, you listen the goddamn fuck up! I am so _goddamn_ tired of you _goddamn _bitches being such _goddamn _perverts! Like, every fucking person I ever met has turned out to be some weird kind of sexual deviant, and just when I think that I've finally hit the limit with what life can throw at me, along comes Professor Goodwitch literally bathing in splooge juice. At some point, this has to end! It can't just keep getting exponentially worse, can it? A critical mass must be in sight soon, right? Holy fucking shit, what's going to happen next? Are you going to tell me that you are actually bathing in the semen of children? Dogs? Grimm?"

Goodwitch took Weiss's complaints in full, but then quickly dismissed them with a laugh. "Miss Schnee, dear, you must calm yourself. Obviously, I'm not bathing in any susicious semen. I'm bathing in _my own semen_ if you must know. And I cannot speak for others, but I've always been like this. You just happen to be finding out about it now."

Weiss nearly fainted again from such taboo nonsense, but Ruby held her aloft, her curiosity keeping her conscious. "Wait a second. Go back," the Huntress leader said, confounded. "You're bathing in… _your_ semen? You mean like stuff coming out of your—"

"Gigantic dick? Yes," said Goodwitch. "Let me show you." Goodwitch stepped out of her bath, and through the thick layer of white cream coating her skin, Ruby and Weiss could make out some important features. Her big, spherical breasts. Her striking abs. Her long, tender legs. And, yes, remarkably, a twelve inch pecker standing erect between her legs, with a healthy pair of balls to match. It wasn't just large, but in terms of structure and strength, it may have been the greatest penis any human being had ever laid their eyes on. Ruby's eyes went wide as they fixated on such a magnificently perfect cock, but Weiss just bowed her head in shame. It was terrible. Seriously. Terrible. Super embarrassing. A dick like that? Who could be attracted to such a shameful, perverted, girthy, thick, luxurious meat rod like that? Weiss _definitely _didn't want to bounce on that dick like a trampoline. No. Absolutely not. Not at all. No.

Yes.

"Professor, I don't understand," said Ruby in awe. "Have you always had a dick like that? And how did you produce enough cum to fill up an entire bathtub. That's… wow, that's a lot of jerking off to do."

"Not at all," Goodwitch said proudly, walking behind her desk. She did not care that the cum was dripping down her thighs and ankles, leaving a thick, slimy trail of white on the carpet beneath her feet. She walked over to her desk and pulled from her drawer a bottle of pills kept in a prescription orange bottle. "My lovely students, the answer to both of your questions lie in this bottle. It's my greatest creation. I call it… _futanarium_."

"Futanarium?" Weiss and Ruby said in unison.

"You see, it all started after the Fall of Beacon," Goodwitch explained casually, her cock swinging about freely with every step as she paced around her desk. "I was tasked with rebuilding the school, but I had to put in the work all by myself. I couldn't trust the other contractors and their incompetence, you see. But, I quickly realized that I had a problem. While Ruby's silver-eyed blast took out a large portion of the Grimm, there were still hundreds of beasts wandering the school grounds. Fighting them all one-by-one was a tiring endeavor, and I quickly realized that I would have to be more tactical in my operations."

"This is all leading to you creating a pill that gives you a giant dick, isn't it?" Weiss said, irritated.

"So, there I was! Doing research!" Goodwitch said passionately. "I studied the Grimm for days upon days, trying to find their weaknesses, when I witnessed something I had not seen before. Two Grimm were engaging in sexual intercourse with each other. I had to get a close up look! For scientific purposes, of course!"

Ruby leaned in nervously. Weiss facepalmed, closing her eyes tight. "Oh, God, no…"

"You'll never guess what happened next."

"Fucking God, please don't tell me…"

Goodwitch threw up her arms dramatically. "I murdered the Grimm with my devastating Semblance!"

Weiss opened her eyes as Goodwitch fell silent. "Oh," she muttered quietly. "That actually wasn't so bad—"

"And then more Grimm showed up and fucked me!" Goodwitch declared boldly. Ruby gasped in utter delight, while Weiss just groaned, her stomach churning.

"Yep. Bestiality." She muttered under her breath. "Why not go for the classics?"

"But a funny thing happened to me when the Grimm started cumming in my mouth," Goodwitch explained. "As I swallowed their dark semen—"

"Dark semen?"

"—my body began to _change_," Goodwitch said mysteriously. "It turns out Grimm cum has magical, transformative properties. Ones that are beyond the moral fabric of this world. My skin turned a ghastly white and my eyes black and red. Large horns grew out of my head and demonic wings burst from my back. My posture straightened, my breasts grew a full cup size, and second-most importantly… my penis appeared! Big and throbbing!"

Weiss rolled her eyes, unenthused. "Wow. You turned into a horny Salem clone. What a wonderfully repulsive story. Original and taboo and totally not unexpected. So glad to hear it."

Ruby, however, leaned in more intently. "Wait. Second-most? What was the most important change?"

Goodwitch smirked wickedly. "Why, Miss Rose, that's the scary thing. The cum didn't just change me physically—it changed me _morally_."

"Morally?"

"Yes," Goodwitch explained. "I felt an overwhelming surge of evil thoughts take a hold of me. I craved nothing but pain and destruction and _sex_… so, so, so, so much sex. I wanted to use my monster cock to impregnate every man, woman and child in Remnant. I wanted to flood the world with my evil, Grimm-like seed. Infect the world like I had been infected. And despite all of my willpower, I was completely helpless to stop it. This cum had corrupted my very _Soul_, Miss Rose, and so I realized… why not package it and market it at several hundred times worth its production cost?"

Ruby approached the desk cautiously, taking careful steps over the pile of questionable semen to examine the bottle of futanarium more closely.

"So, to summarize all of this," she said, disgustingly fascinated, "you discovered that ingesting Grimm semen causes the female human body to metamorphize into an evil, corrupted, big breasted futanari Grimm-person, and using your incredible Semblance powers and knowledge of scientific chemical procedures, you were able to negate the more corrupting aspects of the transformation while keeping it's penile properties and simultaneously taking advantage of legal loopholes in the pharmaceutical industry which, in a certain sense, makes you _even more corrupt_ than you were as an evil futa Grimm-woman?"

Goodwitch nodded enthusiastically. "Exactly! Not to mention, the pills don't just cause you to cum—the quantity and potency of your cum is magnitudes greater than that of the average human male. To demonstrate, I was able to fill up this bathtub in just five sessions, and the sperm in here are determined-enough swimmers to impregnate every student in Beacon a dozen times over. It might be the greatest thing I've ever done—the pill, of course, not the bathtub!"

"I'll say!" Ruby said in agreement, taking the cum-coated bottle from Glynda's sticky fingertips. She didn't really take long to consider the absurdity of what Goodwitch just told her. Like, at this point, after everything she had been through, was the fact that Goodwitch was temporarily transformed into a sexy Grimm monster really that surprising? Like, were those punches she seriously couldn't roll with at this point. Seriously. She continued on without a second thought, like a professional. "The possibilities this creates are endless. And I'm not just talking about pornographic purposes. Imagine the benefit this could provide same-sex couples who want to have children but would otherwise have to deal with a bigoted and difficult-to-navigate adoption process! Instead of having to search out a surrogate, one could take a pill and impregnate the other, allowing them to become true biological parents and make their dreams come true!"

"But also think of all the _pornographic purposes_!" Goodwitch said as Weiss began to silently sob in misery. "Everyone loves seeing girls down cock like chicken strips and take creampies thick enough to use as cake frosting, but no one wants to see the gross man ass pounding away into her tender cunt! With this, you can get all the visceral visual pleasures of watching lesbians screwing while also getting to enjoy the degeneracy of seeing your favorite actresses being turned into cum-hungry cocksluts! Never before was this achievable in human history!"

"Right! The only way to do that previously was to watch transgender porn, but a lack of variety in actresses and poor treatment of the cast by the adult film industry turned many would-be watchers off the subject. Now, with one simple pill, every girl becomes a T-girl!"

"And what a wonderful way to destigmatize transgender individuals in our society!"

"It's literally the perfect solution to all discrimination! It's the perfect drug!"

"The miracle drug!"

"The Girl-Dick Drug! That's the slogan! Right there! Slogan that, Goodwitch!"

"Futanarium: The Girl-Dick Drug! Hoorah for futanarium!"

"Hoorah for futanarium!"

Ruby and Goodwitch jointly raised the pill bottle into the air, chanting its name over and over again like they were in some demonic frenzy. They had all their sanity and wits about them, of course; they were just so enthralled with Goodwitch's wonderful creation. And to think, all she had to do was powder-ize some Grimm semen and combine it with enzymes from other, less malicious semens! Who knew science could be so simple yet so splendid! More importantly, however, was how it was going to strongly benefit their porn shoot. Making a video of pure lesbianism had its limit, but chicks with big throbbing cocks appealed to literally every audience. All genders. All sexualities. No one straight or gay could look away from it, and anyone who said that they didn't like it was clearly _lying _to themselves, because they were _liars_ and _thieves_.

Weiss must have been one of those liars, because she very quickly snatched Ruby away from her futanarium praise circle and dragged her aside, seething like mad.

"Ruby, we _cannot _start using this drug at our shoot," she said sternly.

"But why not?" Ruby asked innocently. "I'm sure it would make some of the girls less uncomfortable if they didn't feel pressured to eat any vaginas. Plus, we might recruit more people that way."

"Yes, but consider this," Weiss countered. "If Robyn finds out that she'll be able to fuck me with a real penis instead of a strap-on, she's going to want to cum _all over me_. It's bad enough I'm going to get sodomized and have it plastered all over the planet, but to have the Happy Huntresses surround me and bukkake me and my entire family is just—"

"Really hot?" Ruby said with a suggestive shrug.

"Really embarrassing," Weiss pouted. "I'm able to stomach an orgy with friends, but I need to have some sense of dignity when it's all said and done."

"But, don't you want to be able to fuck me with a big, real dick?" Ruby asked encouragingly. Weiss placed her hands lovingly on Ruby's shoulders, and said maybe the most important sentence of her entire life.

"Ruby Rose, I don't need to fuck you with a penis produced from the powderized remains of Grimm semen to prove my love for you—especially not if it means getting my ass creampied by a gang of radical lesbian anarchists in front of my own mom." She blinked three times and stared blankly out ahead. "_Wow_, that was a string of words I never thought I would put together."

Ruby took the words to heart. She understood Weiss's fears and concerns. Not everyone wanted to be plastered like a modern art painting. But, she also knew that she was a Huntress, and Huntresses had responsibilities to more than just each other. Caringly, she placed her hands on Weiss's and calmly pushed them away. "And I love the fact that you have the vocabulary to do that," she said warmly. "But this pill isn't just about us. It's about all of Remnant. I don't think we really have a choice."

"Ruby, please," Weiss begged. "You're making a mistake."

Unfortunately for Weiss, it was too late. Ruby's mind had been made up the second she entered the room and saw the bathtub. She ran back over to Goodwitch, still holding up the pill bottle like it was her new god, and eagerly shouted in front of her.

"Professor Goodwitch, give me some of that good stuff!" she screamed. Goodwitch grinned proudly.

"Excellent!" she stated. "That'll be 3,700 Lien per bottle."

Ruby happily whistled as she pulled out her wallet. "Wow, pharmaceutical companies really _are_ more corrupt than Grimm!"

* * *

"Our plan of attack is complete," Salem said menacingly, hunched over the table, schematics spread all over detailing her masterful plan. "Soon, the hour of humanity's defeat will be at hand."

"Okay, a few questions," Emerald asked, standing behind her master. "First of all, can we put some clothes on now? It's drafty in here. Second, I do not understand this plan at all."

Salem grinned at her pupil, looking at her face and not at her tits because she was someone who respected women. "To answer your questions, my dear Emerald: No, and it's really quite simple. All this time I've believed that brute force and violence were the solutions to our problems. But ever since Jinn gave me the greatest orgasm of my life, I came to the realization that there was a force more powerful than sheer brute strength. You see, Emerald, there may be no more powerful driving force in human behavior than sexual desire, and it is that very human need that will be humanity's downfall."

"You're going to sex them to death?" Emerald asked, confused.

Salem laughed. "No, child. Not quite. Rather, sex will be the mechanism through which humanity finally tears itself apart for good. If my spies are correct in their observations, then the foolish teenagers have already set the plan in motion themselves."

"How so?"

Salem beamed proudly. "Emerald, have I ever told you about the wonderful properties of Grimm ejaculate?"

Emerald looked at Salem.

And Salem looked at Emerald.

Emerald looked at Salem.

And Salem looked at Emerald.

And Emerald groaned. "I'm sorry, the fucking what of what now?"


	14. The Orgy: It Begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is here. Get your things in order. Buckle your seatbelts. This ride's going to get bumpy. Also, wet. Very, very wet. Enjoy.

It… was time.

Pyrrha was exceptionally thankful to the Schnee family to allow her into her home. It took a light bit of prodding, of course, but once Willow Schnee considered the benefits of spending time with her family in a free-spirited setting than she was used to, she gave over permission to use the manor at once. There were still some loose ends to sort out. Pyrrha set up 4K cameras in every inch of the mansion, every conceivable angle that would give impressive angles while not intruding on her actresses' performances. There was also the audio equipment she had to set up so she could capture every orgasmic moan, gasp, and scream. She also had to arrange for the removal of Jacques from the household, because having a physically abusive asshole walking around in the middle of an orgy would totally hamper the mood. All it took was a fake assassination threat on his life, and he was whisked away to a safe location without another word, leaving the mansion in the hands of the women in power.

Also, Whitley was there. They locked him in his bedroom for the night. If he heard the lesbians pounding each other outside his door, well… that was his problem.

They needed the manor considering the sudden influx of participants they received in the past week. Pyrrha didn't really understand the details, but one day Ruby came back with a bottle of pills and the promise of dick-girls aplenty, and then suddenly, Pyrrha received four hundred calls from all around the globe from eager women begging to join her legendary production. They came from all over—Huntress trainees from Vacuo, exotic dancers from Mistral, horny babysitters from the suburbs, teachers, accountants, a few engineers, one astrophysicist, a whole bunch of other famous porn stars, moms, daughters, aunts, cousins, young and old, big and small titties alike. Pyrrha barely recognized any of them, but there were plenty of large recognizable groups that helped fill out their numbers. Raven brought her crew, Robyn brought her radicals, and there were all levels of ranking members of the Vale and Atlesian militaries to join in on the multi-fucking fun. Combined with the maids of the manor who didn't really have a choice _but_ to participate, and Pyrrha was immensely satisfied with their turnout. Pyrrha stood in the center atrium, hands on her hips, looking out at the mass gathering of wannabe whores meet and party amongst themselves.

It was a remarkably casual affair for what would inevitably end in hardcore fucking. The atmosphere was that of a fancy gathering, which delicate classical music playing in the background as wine and elegant hors d'oeuvres were served to the crowd. They were packed together like sardines, but none of them really seemed to mind rubbing skin with their soon-to-be fuckbuddies. Most of the women had never been part of an orgy before, so they didn't exactly know what to wear. Some wore gorgeous gowns and their finest jewelry, while others wore their standard casual clothing, like they were going out grocery shopping. Others had already stripped down to their underwear, and others still wore specialized fetish gear. Some of them just wore nothing at all, and calmly socialized with the other women while totally nude.

Nora was one such person, and upon seeing Pyrrha standing by the front entrance, she left the blowjob-themed conversation with a random-stranger and ran up to her former teammate with her arms outstretched and her massive boobs bouncing up and down.

"Pyrrha! Great to see you!" Nora said excitedly, giving Pyrrha a giant hug. "I love the atmosphere! It feels so intimate, you know?" Pyrrha accepted it, but still gently pushed Nora away from her.

"Thank you, Nora," Pyrrha said sweetly. "But I have to insist that you call me Nyrrha from this point on. I don't want to risk anyone finding out my real identity."

"Oh, sorry!" Nora said bashfully before giving Pyrrha a wink. "I totally forgot. Don't worry, your secret is safe with me, Nyrrha."

Nyrrha smiled. "I appreciate that. This turnout is far better than I could ever have expected."

"Yeah, who knew Remnant had so many sluts in it?" Nora said, inspired. "I think I saw a girl I went to elementary school with. Crazy how time flies."

"Yep," Nyrrha agreed. "And it's all because of those pills Ruby retrieved. I hope they are as good as Ruby says they are."

"Hey, they give girls foot-long cocks. How bad can they be?" Nora said cheekily. "Personally, I can't wait to penetrate Ren's butthole with a big ol' schlong like a homeless person entering a lottery.."

"Right," Nyrrha said, her eyes narrowing with suspicion. "But of course, Ren isn't here, right? Because I specifically want this to be girls only."

Nora started sweating, glancing around nervously. "W-What? He's not here."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes! Why wouldn't I be?"

Nyrrha pointed accusingly toward the corner. "So that _isn't _Ren hiding under a sheet with a massive boner?"

Nora turned around on a dime, and gasped fearfully at the tall, Ren-shaped figure standing in the corner of the room behind the horde of hot bitches, beneath a bright blue sheet with a noticeable protrusion directly in the groin area. Nora started laughing uncomfortably, quietly and unsuspiciously making her way toward the sheet while smiling as big as she could.

"What… that is… that is just the craziest… you are something, Nyrrha… quite an imagination… hahahahaha…"

Nora took off sprinting, and Nyrrha scowled as she watched Nora's perfect ass bounce as she disappeared into the sea of sluts. She reached down to her side, and picked up her personal camera, hoisting the heavy piece of machinery over her shoulder. She wasn't too bothered by Nora's deception. Nyrrha totally wanted to bring Jaune along, and it broke her heart to not only send him away from the mansion but openly swear on her father's grave that he would never be allowed to see any footage from the shoot in any context, going as so far to blindfold, earmuff and handcuff him inside of a dark room as far away as possible from the concept of sex.

But no one cared about that. Nyrrha turned on her camera. She had a porno to shoot. She had a world to save.

* * *

"I can't believe how crowded it is," Ruby said, swirling around her glass of red wine amidst the horde of women in the lobby. Was she legally allowed to drink wine? Probably not. But did Ruby really give a shit about morals anymore? Considering the bizarre mutations she was about to perform to her genitals, the answer was a solid no, so she took a sip of her wine and immediately learned that wine tasted like sour bullshit. Weiss sighed, downing her entire glass of white like her life depended on it. She was hoping to get as drunk as possible for the assfucking that was mere minutes away.

"Do you think the shoot can go well with this many people?" Weiss asked, looking around nervously. "I mean, how do we know that these people are committed to the task? They don't care about saving Remnant; all they want is to try out Goodwitch's crazy dick drug."

Ruby shrugged. "Does it really matter? If their hearts are in the right place and they go at it with a lot of enthusiasm and passion, then I'm sure we'll have something worth celebrating. If not, Nyrrha can probably fix it in the edit."

"That's fair," Weiss sighed. She gently reached forward and squeezed Ruby's hand, which took Ruby by pleasant surprise. "So, um, I don't know where I'm going to do my thing, but after it's done…"

"Yeah…" Ruby said interestedly.

"I was thinking we could meet in my room. Lock the door. Hide under the covers. Spend some good _alone time_ together," Weiss said with an innocent smile.

Ruby squeezed her hand in return, and lightly pecked Weiss on the cheek, whispering in her ear. "I would love that, Weiss."

"Really?"

"Yeah," Ruby giggled. "In fact, I think we should—"

"_What's up, ya cocksucking bitches!_"

Weiss groaned in frustration as Ruby backed away shyly. Of course. _She _had to show up and interrupt their fun.

Ruby and Weiss decided that wearing normal clothing was the proper way to go. Naturally, they made sure to buy some fancy underwear, but quite frankly, they weren't really bothered with appearances. They were in it for each other, not the show. _Yang_, on the other hand, figured that if she was going to be a slut, she might as well have been the cutest goddamn slut in the whole world. When she bounded toward her sister and jumped excitedly in front of her, she was dressed like a schoolgirl. Her curly blonde hair was pulled back into pigtails. She wore no bra and a white button-down shirt that was not actually buttoned but was rather tied tight just beneath her breasts, exposing her entire midriff and barely containing her heaving, beautiful tits. Her plaid skirt was so short that there wasn't any point in hiding her ass, and her thigh-high white stockings only showed off the splendor of the length of her legs. A red tie fell down her cleavage, and she wrapped it around her little finger as she licked her lips, eyeing her sister.

"Hi, Yang," Ruby stammered awkwardly. "Uh, you look good."

"Hey, Rubes," Yang said deviously. "Like my look?"

"Yeah, it's um… it's something," Ruby said, scratching the back of her head.

"I think it really brings out my boobs," Yang said, grabbing her boobs and giving them a shake as she pushed her chest toward Ruby's face. "Don't you think so?"

"Um—"

Weiss placed her palm against Yang's left boob and shoved her back as hard as she could, sending Yang stumbling away. "You look like a dumbass, and Ruby is not interested in sleeping with you," Weiss said forcefully. "Get yourself a new hookup. Why don't you try Blake? You know, your actual girlfriend?"

Yang dismissed Weiss with a huff. "Oh, who cares about Blake? I'm sure she's somewhere ruining somebody's fun. Bitch never learned to share anyway. And neither did you, apparently. What's wrong? Afraid your little boobies aren't enough to satisfy Ruby?"

"Oh, please," Weiss said, wrapping herself around Ruby and holding on tight against the Rose's permission. "You'd likely just knock her unconscious swinging those flabby cow tits around."

"And what would you do? Stick one, maybe two fingers into her vagina? Fucking wimp."

"Bitch."

"Cunt."

"Slut."

A high-pitched whistle cried sharply through the mansion's walls, and as the girls around her cringed from the ringing in their ears, Ruby quietly slipped out of Weiss's grasp. Every woman in the house turned their attention to the front door, where Nyrrha gathered their eyes with the small silver piece in her hand. She released it from her lips and waved to her actresses excitedly.

"All right, everyone! Listen up!" she shouted with enthusiasm. "I want to thank you all for agreeing to participate in this incredible journey! There are people here from all over the globe, all walks of life, brought together for one purpose and one purpose alone: to create the most awe-inspiring, jaw-dropping, meat-beating, shotgun-orgasmic porn video of all time! In just a minute, the shoot will begin, so I think everyone should get one last reminder of the ground rules. The entire mansion is in play for you to fool around with except for the bedroom in the east wing of the third floor. There's a fourteen-year-old boy in there and we _cannot_ get any footage of him without violating a bunch of laws, so avoid it at all costs, please! You will notice that there are fetish toys and tools in pretty much every drawer of the house, but if there is something you can't find, please let the maids know and they will deliver it to you as fast as possible. They are also going to be carrying supplies of futanarium for you to take, and just be aware that the dicks will not dissipate until three consecutive orgasms, so before you head home, remember to cum—preferably onto someone else's face! Money shots make the world go 'round, people! Also, please do not fuck anyone without their consent. You will be punched in the face very hard. Rape is bad, folks. Lastly, some final pointers given that most of you have never done anything like this before. One: keep your pussies facing the camera at all times, even if you end up in an uncomfortable position with your spine. Two: people can't tell if you're really cumming or not, so faking it is perfectly acceptable! It's acting! It's what the best of us do! And third… squirting doesn't exist. It just doesn't. It's all water. Don't even try to do it for real. You can't. I tried. You can't. Just… just don't." Nyrrha smiled brightly. "Oh, and one last thing: don't forget to have fun! The world is counting on you!"

Nyrrha pointed her finger to the sky and looked through the lens of her camera.

"Commencing production on _The Lesbian Ultimate_! Aaaaaaaaaand… action!"

Nyrrha expected a feeding frenzy.

Ruby expected Yang to pounce on her.

Yang expected Ruby to pounce on _her_.

Weiss expected most of her furniture to get broken.

Nora expected something to immediately get something shoved up her ass.

Instead, they got nothing. Literally nothing.

As it turned out, asking a bunch of strangers to start doing a big porn together was a recipe for awkwardness and confusion. None of the women really had a clue what they were supposed to be doing. Take it slow and steady? Hop on each other like wild tigers? Grab some of the fetish tools and go crazy? It was all a little overwhelming. They all just stared very nervously at each other, waiting for someone else to make the first move. Even the naked ladies didn't bother to move; a few of them even covered up, the cameras making them more self-conscious than ever. Nyrrha waited, and she waited, and she waited some more, and she waited, and she waited, and she looked beyond her camera, and then she looked back through her camera, and then she waited, and waited, and waited, and waited, and she kept waiting, and she waited some more, and she got tired of waiting, but she kept waiting anyway, and then she sighed.

_Oh, dear God, would these women just fuck already?_

It was if someone heard Nyrrha's perverted thoughts and decided to act on them. A sudden, passionate cry rippled through the crowd, and the Sea of Sluts parted as two teenage girls crashed through the hallway, sucking on each other's faces and ripping at each other's clothes. One of them wore sunglasses. The other had bunny ears. The former slammed the latter against a wall, and the latter wrapped her bare legs around the former's hips, unable to separate themselves as their tongues crashed into each other and their heavy panting spread across the mansion.

"Oh, I've been waiting so long for this," Coco moaned into her girlfriend's lips. "Your slutty little ass has been away from me for too long."

"Yes, Mistress," Velvet gasped with her questionably sourced accent. "These past twelve hours have been a nightmare. I'm aching for you, Mistress."

Coco threw Velvet to the ground face-first, and Velvet crawled to her hands and knees as Coco yanked down Velvet's pants as fast as humanly possible before plunging her tongue deep into Velvet's delicious asshole. Velvet's eyes rolled back into her head and her tongue flopped out of her mouth and onto the floor as her head dropped into a pile of her own drool. Nyrrha squealed in delight, rushing over to the Huntresses as fast as possible, shoving her way through the crowd. There was so much passion in their movements. So much hunger! So much filth! She had to capture every dirty, lustful expression on their faces pronto. She angled the camera into Velvet's ass the best as she could as Coco thrashed around her tongue like a rabid wolf.

"Do you like that, bitch?" Coco growled, pulling down her top to flash Nyrrha's camera, never taking a break from slathering Velvet's ass like it was a canvas and her tongue was her paintbrush. Her fucked-up, slutty paintbrush. "Do you like having the whole world watch your ass get eaten?"

Velvet let out a sound somewhere between an orgasmic moan and a gurgle.

"That's right, you damn whore," said Coco. "Everyone can see you for what you really are: my disgusting little rabbit whore! Everyone, even your parents, is watching your depraved ass et eaten by your master. How does that make you feel, bitch? Does it make you want to cum? Does it?"

Nyrrha jumped up and down excitedly. "Yeah! Do you want to cum, Velvet? Also, spread your legs a little wider, please. I'm getting a lot of Coco's head in the shot."

Somehow, in her delirious, sex-drunk state, Velvet was able to oblige, and Nyrrha suddenly got down onto the floor, rolling onto her back and crawling underneath Velvet's further-spread legs, getting a delightful shot of Coco's rimjob from underneath. Velvet's legs trembled, threatening to collapse, but a sharp spank from Coco kept her upright before her topless team leader went in for the kill. She removed her mouth from Velvet's ass with a loud _smack_, and with the force and gusto of a tornado, she slammed her lips into Velvet's clit, and Velvet collapsed onto her forearms as she squirted _everywhere_. Her climax spread seemingly halfway across the room, splattering on Coco's cheeks, her discarded clothing, onto Nyrrha's startled face, and even the camera lens. Velvet's scream was so powerful that it seemed to shake the ground itself, and so many meters away Ruby could feel the intense vibrations in the air as Velvet's entire body shuddered and went numb from her orgasm. She fell directly onto Nyrrha, and as Coco pulled herself away and wiped her lips clean with her forearm, smirking with pride, Nyrrha stared straight up into the ceiling—or really, just into Velvet's ass and pussy—with wide, disbelieving eyes.

"Huh," she said out loud. "So, women _can _squirt."

The room came undone like a bomb had exploded. The women screamed in panic and ecstasy as the grabbed onto each other started fucking right there on the floor. It was a mad dash, as students were dragged away by MILFS into the far reaches of the mansion, siblings bit at each other's throats, and clothes went flying in every possible direction. The foyer lit up with the sounds of crazed, orgasmic screams and moans, deafeningly loud as vaginas and dicks sprung out from trousers and dresses and met each other with enormous enthusiasm. It was an impossibly spectacular orgy, one of frenzied cunnilingus and ass-fucking, so intense that in every which way a person looked, they would see nothing but fucking, fucking and more fucking.

Ruby found herself in the middle of the chaos without warning, standing amidst the throes of orgasm. In the distance, she saw Nora grab onto Penny and a person covered in a sheet and sprint off down the hallway, no doubt to perform some crazy threesome. She saw Glynda Goodwitch take on a whole pack of her former students at once, using her Semblance to pound away at them with glowing, purple cock-shaped tendrils. She saw asses and titties in every direction, sometimes flying at her, and it took all of her self-restraint not to dive headfirst into the first pair of breasts she saw.

Unfortunately, she forgot that Yang happened to be standing right in front of her, something she was only reminded of when Yang suddenly cupped both of Ruby's breasts and leaned in to make out with her.

"Fuck yeah, sis! Let's do this!"

Their lips barely pressed together for half a second, however, before Ruby pushed Yang away with an emphatic shove, startling the blonde bombshell.

"No, Yang," Ruby said forcefully. "No more of this."

"W-What?" Yang stammered. "What do you mean?"

"I'm not going to have sex with you anymore," Ruby said, wrapping her arm tenderly around Weiss's. "Weiss is my girlfriend now, and if she doesn't want me to have sex with my sister, then I won't!"

Yang gasped in fear and anger. "I can't believe this! You have to be joking!"

Ruby shook her head, and smiled lovingly at Weiss, who was blown away by the affectionate and selfless act of her team leader. "I'm sorry, Yang, but there's something more important to me than incest now. I'm afraid you'll just have to have sex with some stranger instead."

Weiss gently caressed Ruby's cheek and then turned to give Yang a cocky, knowing smirk, followed by an equally demeaning wink. Yang seethed, her eyes turning red and her hair glowing as her hands balled into fists.

"You… you're seriously going to take this frail-looking, snow-haired bitch over me?" she growled.

Ruby hugged Weiss tighter to her frame. "I am. I… I love her."

Weiss's heart was beating out of her chest as she blushed. "R-Ruby…"

"Yeah. I mean it," Ruby said more confidently. She looked deeply into Weiss's eyes, and she felt something safe and secure. Something powerful. It was the feeling of true love. Weiss felt much of the same, and the two lost themselves in each other's gaze. They had struggled so much in their respective lives—Ruby with her desire to be a Huntress, Weiss with her abusive family. But after they had to fight and scratch and claw their way through Remnant, they finally found peace and happiness within each other. It was more satisfying than anything either of them had ever realized, and no matter how their relationship started, or what others thought of it, they knew that they had something beyond special. Nothing would ever break them apart—and that pissed Yang right the fuck off.

"Fine! Have the bitch then!" Yang said with a huff. "If you can't appreciate my banging teen bod, then I'll find someone else who will. Enjoy your flat ass and shit-tier personality!" Yang looked past her sister ad her bad girlfriend out into the Sea of Sluts, and she smirked. "Now if you excuse me, I have a score to settle. Hey, Neon, ya low rent meme cunt!" Ruby and Weiss most ignored Yang as she sprinted over to Neon Katt, bounding to the rainbow girl before grabbing her face and shoving it into her barely contained tits. She obliterated the Team FNKI member, slapping her face with her breasts in a restless attempt to prompt jealousy from her sister. Ruby didn't give a shit. She had Weiss. And Weiss had Ruby. And no matter how desperately Yang tried to attract Ruby's attention by rubbing her boobs into Neo's head, or giving her a slutty schoolgirl lap dance or dragging her tongue up and down Neon's naval, the truth would remain that Ruby didn't need to be incestuous anymore. Eventually, the thought of banging her sister became a distant memory, and Ruby forgot Yang ever existed. That was fine. She had Weiss now.

"So, how do you want to spend this time together?" Weiss asked, glancing over to the random lesbian couple sixty-nining right next to them.

Ruby frowned. "Don't you have to do that thing with Robyn now?"

Weiss shrugged it off. "Eh, I'm sure she's so swept up in the orgy that she's probably forgotten we were supposed to bang. I don't think there's anything wrong with us having a little fun in the meantime. Do you see what that woman is doing over there in the corner? Well, I was thinking—"

A cold hand pressed against Weiss's shoulder, and the girl from a family of ice suddenly froze. Ruby's eyes went wide with terror as she stared at the woman behind her, and Weiss slowly turned around to see Robyn towering over her, an evil grin on her face. She hadn't taken her clothes off yet, but she would. She would. Behind her stood an army of not-so-Happy Huntresses, holding Winter as their hostage and smiling deviously at Weiss, the woman who would very soon become their cocksleeve.

"Hi, Weiss," Robyn stated, grabbing onto Weiss's arm and holding it tight. "You weren't trying to skimp out on us, were you?"

"W-What?" Weiss stammered. "Of… of course not Why would I ever not want to get sodomized by you, Robyn?"

Robyn's eyes tracked downwards, and Weiss gulped as her hand started to glow red. Robyn, however, was unfazed by Weiss's deception. She merely chuckled and shook her head.

"Tsk tsk, Weiss. It's okay. I'd be terrified of taking all at me at once, too. But you should be more like your sister. She's so eager to serve her Kingdom. Isn't that right, Winter?"

Winter nodded uncomfortably as Fiona the adorable sheep Faunus squeezed her arm menacingly.

"Worried? Why would I be worried about you shoving a long, thick, throbbing… meaty… uncircumcised…_monster _of a cock inside of me?"

Weiss's hand glowed red again, and Robyn laughed again. "You shouldn't be. I'll be _plenty gentle_. Oh, and one last thing. You don't get to call me Robyn. From now on, you call me—"

"Mistress?" Weiss said nervously. Robyn leaned in and whispered into her ear.

"_Goddess_."

Robyn gave Weiss a sharp tug and pulled her away from Ruby kicking and screaming.

"Wait! Not yet! Ruby! Wait for me, my love!" Weiss cried as she was pulled and lost within the Sea of Sluts. Ruby reached out to her.

"I will, Weiss! I love you! Don't forget to use plenty of lube!"

"I'll try!" Weiss shouted, her cries fading. "And I love you, too!"

Within a matter of seconds, Weiss was gone, and Ruby was left alone. Well, not alone per se. She was surrounded by _a lot _of whores. But emotionally? Yes, she was very alone. Her heart went out to Weiss and her poor, soon-to-be-destroyed rectum. It was a beautiful rectum, and quite frankly, it deserved a lot better. Ruby sighed as she glanced over to Yang, who was currently grinding her pussy deep into Neon's face, her shirt ripped open and her pigtails flopping through the air as she laughed in delight.

"Who's top-heavy now, bitch? You dumb meme bitch!"

For a moment, Ruby considered joining her, but she remembered her promise to Weiss. No more incest. In fact, no more women period. Ruby was going steady, and that meant no more fanciful fucking. She was a devoted woman, and even though the hottest lesbian orgy in the world was happening around her and her thoughts were of nothing but how badly she wanted to plunge into some pussy, she would hold herself true. She refused to partake in the orgy unless it was going to be with Weiss. She swore to herself and on her mother's grave. Even if it meant shoving her desires deep down inside, she would not yield to pervertedness. Never again!

But as Ruby was thinking that, she saw the Sea of Sluts began to pat, as if separated by some mythical force. A figure gradually emerged from the writhing bodies, and at first, she thought it was Yang coming to try and fuck her again. But upon closer inspection, she a woman that was older, darker, more intense, yet eyeing her with the same lust and hunger as her half-sister. It made sense; after all, it ran in the family.

Raven approached Ruby slowly. Patiently. Ruby tried taking a step backward out of instinct, but immediately, her head slammed up against a massive pair of breasts, and before she could turn around, she felt a slender finger caress her cheek and warm breath in her ear.

"Hi, there, Ruby. It's nice to finally meet you."

Ruby stumbled forward in shock, turning around to see the voluptuous Faunus that was groping her. "Miss Belladonna? Uh, hi! What are… what are you doing here?"

Kali bit her bottom lip as she took a step forward. She wasn't wearing anything particularly special for the orgy, but that didn't matter for two reasons. One: her normal outfit showed off enough of her curves as it was, and two: she wasn't going to be wearing it for very long. In fact, she started reaching for the clasps behind her neck within a matter of seconds, and Ruby began her retreat as fast as she could, only to turn and run headfirst into the boobs of a third woman: one with long white hair and a regal frame and eyes that pierced blue like her daughter's.

"Where do you think you're running off to?" Willow asked with a darkly amused laugh. Ruby gasped into her breasts—her enormous, incredible breasts—and stumbled back again, quickly realizing that she was being surrounded as the three older women closed in on her. Raven, Kali, and Willow: the three women started to disrobe as their approach hastened, and Ruby quickly realized that the threat was far bigger than she anticipated. Far scarier. Crazier. MILF-ier. Before she knew it, the three of them were naked and standing mere inches away from her, and she felt waterfalls of sweat pouring down her forehead as she desperately searched for a way out.

"Hey, glad to see that you all could make it," Ruby said nervously. "Is that a prosciutto platter over there? You know how I like me some Parma ham. Anyway, great talking to you, I'll be going now—"

Ruby tried to shove past Raven, but Raven simply placed her palm on Ruby collarbone and shoved her back into place.

"Now, now, why the rush, kid?" Raven said, eyeing her target. "You see, me and the other moms were talking and… we realized that you've done _so much _to help our daughters become Huntresses."

"Yes, you have," Willow said, licking her lips. "You've guided our children to a bright future, and frankly, such a good deed deserves a _noble reward_."

"Reward?" Ruby laughed. "I don't need a _reward_. That's crazy. I did what anyone would do. You're overreacting. Speaking of overreacting, that Parma ham—"

Ruby tried to push back Raven again, but Raven grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her violently. "Enough about the fucking ham, you dumb little bitch! We're going to fuck your brains out! Get over it!"

"F-Fuck my brains out?" Ruby stammered. Before she could react, Kali already had her hands on the zipper to her corset, and a few seconds passed, and suddenly without Ruby ever realizing how she got there, Ruby was on the floor in nothing but her bra, panties, cape and combat boots, her head resting on Kali's thick thighs and Willow and Raven staring down at her smugly. Ruby gasped, struggling to find the words that would free her from her very sudden, very sexy imprisonment. "Uh, guys? I don't think… you know, we really shouldn't… you're like my friends' moms and that'd be… I'm trying not to—"

Kali suddenly placed a delicate finger to Ruby's lips, and the Huntress went quiet. All thoughts of worry fled from her mind like little rabbits hopping through a field. There was no more fear in her mind. What remained was the sudden realization that three very, very, _very _fucking hot women wanted to have sex with her, and as that thought crossed her mind, Raven casually used her foot to push Ruby's legs as far apart as they would go—and then drove her foot directly into Ruby's dampened sex, releasing a squeal of pained, orgasmic pleasure that Ruby didn't even know she could make.

"Yeah, this is happening now," Raven said. "And Yang told me that you're a real kinky one, too. Don't worry. We'll make you the perfect obedient slave."

Obedient slave?

Kinky sex?

MILFs?

Ruby pursed her lips and then shrugged. She loved Weiss. She really did. But, like, one _teensy tiny_ foursome wouldn't hurt anyone…


End file.
